ramblins....

the voice (no...not the tv show)

2011-06-01T20:08:00.028-05:00

would it perhaps help if i brought brownies with the yummiest peanut butter icing that we could whip up? i know that i've said one to many times that my life seems to be on this accelerated path that i can't seem to stop. which is exactly what i wished for all those months i was scared that i would not find a job. the job is at times exciting, frustrating, scary, maddening, funny, fun, heartbreaking and many other yin/yang words that mish-mash together to explain life. and now...now comes another big step. so, i searched my heart and wondered where does it leave this blog? oh ramblins... "i can't quit cha...."

i've neglected this and there are days that i wonder if i've lost a voice but still i keep my little notebooks and journals with ideas. something seems locked with in and i read other bloggers like ...susannah conway who muses about blogs that are always happy and "up". no one is up all the time but i wonder sometimes if my realism is too much - no one likes a whiner either. so...let me regale you with some tales from the past couple of weeks.

as you know, my sweet model christy graduated from high school and i'm very proud of her. she's been accepted in a nearby college and is taking advantage of the cost savings to live at home. great news for me as i get to keep my model. right? *smile* we worked hard on her tea and the girls were so happy with all the homemade goodies. actually, her mom and i were pressed by a couple people to cater other teas. but...i know catering is not in my blood. i love doing the occasional party - but that is hard work! the sweetest compliment christy paid me that she was proud to have adults like me in her life that serve as great role models.

the next day i flew to baltimore to a three day meeting. i did get to explore the inner harbor and though i didn't have time to go to the aquarium or the other tourist sites, i did get to eat fantastic tapas and visit with peers. i also gave my first presentation to the crowd and i'm happy to say i survived it. *whew* the funniest story is one morning at breakfast i walked up to a table with two ladies i haven't met before - believe me, there is no mistaking my accent when you hear me. so as i introduce myself one lady pipes up and says, "oh i know your accent - you're from alabama. i'm from ___________ (she names a bidder on a recent contract that did not win the bid)" mind you, this was in a very sarcastic tone. i just smiled and said, "oh i'm sorry and i was an evaluator too...pity" just goes to show you to be nice to everyone, you never know who you will be seated next to at one of these meetings. even better i folded the antidote into my presentation when talking about the procurement process.

came home...paid our first checks....had a great holiday weekend - sat with the nieces, saw two movies and one play. (movies - the hangover 2, bridesmaids (yes...again)) (play - moonlight and magnolias (about the rewriting the screenplay for gone with the wind.)) back at work this week - today found out about a great opportunity for advancement...but a scary one as i will be working twice as hard.

in other news, i think i'm moving out on my own by the end of summer. it's time - i adore my brother but i'm itching to have my own place again. it will be scary as i'm looking at a house instead of an apartment but i keep telling myself it will allow me to have a honest to goodness studio. think positive thoughts about me making the right and good decisions.

sorry to be so long winded but i wanted to let you know what's been going on with me. now i have to work hard to catch back up with you all. i will read but may not be able to comment on all the great stuff you've written since i've been gone. i will let you know i've been by. and i also ask your positive thoughts as i struggle through my blogging voice.

a short break....

2011-05-22T22:22:00.006-05:00

the tea went well, the photobooth didn't work out as her momma didn't have room for it...though we did take some photographs. the week has been dance recitals, sending out the first checks for my work program that i'm heading up, the tea (prep and execution) and now exhaustion. tomorrow i leave at 6:00 a.m. for two short days in baltimore and running back home to be at work so someone else can be on vacation. *whew*

so much love but...i will be back on thursday. i miss you guys!

2011-05-20T07:53:00.007-05:00

the internet hates me. it does. it crawls along at a snails pace and when i'm behind, it acts like the recalcitrant child i know it to be. i know because i was that same child. the hurrier you wanted me to go the behinder i made sure that i was.

and the sun is high and bright as i'm dashing out of the house. lately i always feel like i'm behind the times. i'm excited for the weekend. i'm helping with a graduation tea for my pretty little model, christy, and it should be fun. i need to get the things together for a photo booth that she wants to have. i've made favor bags for visits to the photobooth - we should have lots of fun.

all the cool kids....

2011-05-15T13:24:00.031-05:00

in my other life....

i would live in a house shaped like a triangle on the beach...somewhere warm and happy. where children laugh and adults giggle and the air smells like warm cinnamon cookies baking in the oven.

and you would come over for simple lunches. and we would chat for hours while watching the sea and the waves dancing. the salt would make our hair wild and wooly and we would laugh belly laughs that made our sides ache.

then after sunset, we would go to the carnival and ride the merry-go-round until we were dizzy. we would sup on wonderful foods and eat with our fingers - never spilling a drop or worrying about being messy. carnivals are know for that kind of thing you know.

after the carnival we take a walk on the beach. there we could stare at the stars, wish on shooting stars and solve the world's problems. there would be peace and understanding - and somehow we would figure out how to feed the starving children and make mosquitoes turn into butterflies. because the world definitely needs more butterflies.

then, when we are tired, we would slip into cotton sheets and sleep sweet dreams of happy places and wonderful things.

the life of simple joys, no worries, and plenty of love is for me - the rest is gravy on my potatoes.

2011-05-14T13:39:00.016-05:00

the weather predicted rain so i settled in for a sleep in. but, the weather was wrong and now i feel guilty that i didn't plan better for this gift of a day. all is green and vibrant. the kind of green that you think you should say verdant instead. you know, to show that you have an appreciation for the depth and lushness of the green.

the sky is blue - that beautiful light cornflower blue - with huge puffy clouds floating along. even the winds are still so they move slowly....slowly... like my body creaking along on wounded knees.

i need to get up and get busy. maybe take in a movie, get some fun food and go by the nursery - i'm going to dive into the world of succulents this year. i've been obsessed with hens and chicks for a while.

i'm slowly catching up with all of you writers....boy, give a girl a few days off and you write over 700 blogs between the lot of you.

and if you want to know more about yourself...please check this out...you will know so much more.

and, check out i want a real love by my fave modern poet, jonathan b tucker. think i could find the guy version of this?

wondering

2011-05-12T12:04:00.000-05:00

everyday i talk on the phone, sometimes for hours at at time. i worry because lately i've been at a loss for words here on the blog. it feels that i just talk so much that all of the words are squeezed out of me, wrung dry and my fingers are parched for want of a rain shower.

we waited and begged for spring and it seems that summer is almost here already. weird how that happens - or least it seems to happen here in the south. we have that small window of springlike warmth and then boom, in comes the heat. today is the heat....and while i'm wondering.

have you ever avoided reading a book because the reviews are so good that you're scared the book can never live up to the hype? i find myself doing that with 'the help'. i tiptoe around it quietly - looking at the yellow bookcover and caress it time to time, thinking about cracking the pages. then i put it down again. it sits on my nightstand in quiet reproach.

today on my ipod: somebody else (jeff bridges), wicked game (chris isaak), you found me (the fray), rolling in the deep (adele), drift away (dobie gray), long long time (linda ronstadt), this guy's in love with you (herb alpert), shameless (garth brooks), right in time (lucinda williams)

bits and pieces

2011-05-08T21:48:00.021-05:00

i finally downloaded shots from the camera that i've taken over the past two (or so) weeks. funny what can happen that short span of time - there's been flowers, family, funerals, and i'm sure other words that start with the sixth letter of the alphabet. i'll share some of them here....in the meantime, i'm sending sweet wishes for mother's day - i hope yours was as beautiful as mine. i made pulled pork and banana pudding - nothing fancy really.

i saw "something borrowed" last night with a good friend and her sweet hubby spoiled us with grilled steaks. we brainstormed over an upcoming photobooth at christy's graduation tea.

i forgot

2011-05-06T13:40:00.000-05:00

i can't remember where i took this shot - i know it was about a month ago because the dogwood is blooming.

reading some james baldwin this morning in addition to my normal book that i always have started. baldwin is always the sort to be "in your face" about stuff but always a good reminder with "not everything that is faced can be changed but nothing can be changed until it is faced."

it's mother's day weekend so i hope all of you that still have mommas out there squeeze her a bit for me. for those who's momma's have passed - my heart is with you. i miss mine everyday, but more so this weekend.

i was going to write more but honestly...i forgot. hope you're having a beautiful day.

resistance, though futile, is also silly

2011-05-04T22:08:00.017-05:00

it's late on a day where i've ran late all day long. except to the noon webinar - i'm the host for the noon webinar and i can't be late.

the pugs snore and curtis stone is talking about food on the television. not that i'm really paying attention. the blinds are open to the backyard and as sit here at the computer, i wonder if the neighbors across the viaduct wonder about me sitting here in front on the laptop. i wonder if they wonder what i'm typing or doing. i would wonder about them if they sat where i could see them.

i need to go to bed. somehow this morning i turned over and turned off my alarm. when i woke up at 7:30 (i have to be at work at 8:00) i couldn't remember hearing the alarm - a tiny bit of panic set in. i've been reading my latest book 2-3 pages at a time, barely able to hold my eyes open. and still i sit here listening to lizzie snore a bit more loudly.

why am i resisting? probably because it means a rinse and repeat of today, only on thursday. life at work has been spent mostly this week on the phone clearing up issues - the easy stuff already cleared up. i wrote a giant issues list and left it to greet me in the morning. i also have to finish my remarks for my very first national speaking engagement - i'm kinda freaking out about that. fortunately it's one of three panel sessions all scheduled at the same time. maybe no one will pick my panel discussion! i'm excited and terrified all at the same time. oh, before you ask - the exciting title of the panel discussion is "successful implementation of your i-apd."

it matters what you see

2011-04-30T23:37:00.037-05:00

i haven't played with textures in a while, so
this friendly poppy is from a week ago, the day before easter i believe.

i can't believe what all has transpired this week. it has been a week of heartache, courage, and some renewal.

by now, you know of the devastation that has struck alabama, as well as other states in the path of the wednesday storms. while we are no strangers to the fury that is tornado season, this system of storms hit such populated areas that is was impossible to get out of the path. heartbreaking stories - stories of courage - stories of survival - stories of the lowest of low (looters) - and stories of generosity. it will be a while before we dig out of this, but i know we will.

on the same day, my uncle passed away unrelated to the storm and a couple hundred miles away. it was expected, he was 86. sitting at the funeral yesterday, we laughed and we cried. his daughters spoke of his values and his life - memories flooded over me of time spent at their house in the summer. i will say, the playing of taps on the bugle and the flag presentation ceremony shook me to tears. my uncle fought in ww2 and the flag was presented to his son who fought in vietnam.

today on my ipod - heavenly day (patty griffin), rise up (diane birch), hello it's me (todd rundgren), hey leonardo (blessid union of souls), how come (ray lamontagne), hideway (the weepies), hold my hand (hootie & the blowfish), hold on you (jeff bridges), the honey tree (mostar driving club), songbird (eva cassidy)

stolen fruit

2011-04-27T11:00:00.002-05:00

iphone - moon & branches

UPDATE (4/28/11): thank you friends for all the thoughts, prayers and worry about me, my family and our beautiful state. the devastation of the tornadoes that stuck yesterday is heartbreaking to watch unfold. my family and i are fine. however, there are at least 130 confirmed dead so far in alabama. i mourn for their loss and i mourn for their families. how ironic my quote from when i wrote this blog yesterday morning. death is a companion to our lives - it sits beside us ready to snatch us away at a moment's notice. it makes me grateful to be alive today.

today from the quote journal: "live every day like it is stolen from death." (from the art of racing in the rain by garth stein)

how delicious to think of treating days as stolen fruit without the guilt. now i'm thinking of the peach or pomagranite juice dripping down my chin...in the summer especially. or drinking from a hose pipe. can you imagine living your days that way? what a wonderful perspective.

i admit it...there are days that i hum and ho through life. dreading the getting out of bed and dragging myself to the office and then drudging my way home to throw together dinner. ugh - who wants to live that way? not me.

today on my ipod - real wild child (iggy pop), bent (rob thomas), stay on the ride (patty griffin), life less ordinary (carbon leaf), don't stop 'til you get enough (michael jackson), i go blind (hootie & the blowfish), love train (the o'jays), some kind of wonderful (grand funk), don't stop (fleetwood mac)

read this week - bloodroot (didn't like it - i'm typically a sucker for southern writers but this one depressed me and i didn't see a real resolution. i also did not like the myriad of voices in the writing), a year on ladybug farm (it was pleasant but not "literature" in that i did not learn anything earthshattering or there were no real societial issues)

if you haven't followed relyn's month of passions you should. today i talk about my passion for music.

one week in a day

2011-04-23T21:54:00.000-05:00

there is a young girl in my neighborhood. most days you can find her in her front yard with her ipod and headphones, singing her heart out. people drive by and laugh....even my brother laughs. but still she sings. she sings like she is jennifer lopez or some other superstar diva. yesterday, i sat outside listening to her. and no, she can't carry a tune in a bucket. but as i sat and listened, i smiled because you know what....she believes. she believes she is a superstar and i wish we could all be that way. i wish that we all believed in our superstar powers.

i could take singing lessons from her.

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this shot is from last sunday's full moon...the cherry on top of the very best of evenings. i loved the way the moon was a beacon through the heavy spanish moss. it rose fast, almost faster than i could set up my tripod. and as i got ready, my brother and sister-in-law stood watching its beauty with me. life is good like that, you know? or mine is....i have way more blessings to count than negatives.

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i started another art journal. this one is much more personal. in some small ways i like that it's private and mostly very raw. i've also been on a major reading kick - i went to the book store today and restocked on some new authors that i either researched or are on the book club list at the store. i've been keeping track of what i've read on a blog page. i've also given them stars (the more stars the better) but i'm not sure how long the stars will stay. it seems my opinion of the book changes sometimes. i bought a fake diana lens from photojojo but so far i'm not happy with any of the shots. there is no way to focus and it feels mostly weird.
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i did a swap of spring photographs - i'll have to show you the one i got in the mail. it's bokeh-licious. speaking of spring, i have to confess i'm addicted to peeps. i should be very glad that easter is tomorrow before my bum begins to resemble a peep chick. i'm also rather fond of the cadbury caramel eggs. *sigh* speaking of cooking - i tried the pioneer woman's recipe for sour cream noodle bake and it was yummy.
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today on my ipod - feels like home to me** (chantal kreviazuk), must have been love (pat mcgee band), you can't always get what you want (the rolling stones), wonderland (angie aparo), all for you (sister hazel), breakin' me (jonny lang), daniel (elton john), gravity (sarah bareilles), at the stars (better than ezra), wasting time (jack johnson), where you lead (carole king)

quote of the day - how wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. (anne frank)

*totally my wedding song if i ever get married again.

pockets

2011-04-19T13:23:00.000-05:00

this shot - taken with my iphone is at the navy pier in chicago.

a lot of things have been on my mind lately - kindness, little irritations, if a ladybug is always a lady or does she get a little wild on the weekends, magnolias and gardenias getting ready to burst forth, the love of a family..........you know, this and that.

i've decided that i can be kinder, slow my pace, listen better and probably even eat better. i can rid myself of negative thoughts better and be braver. i can work to notice miracles and good things and not be so critical of others. i could be more forgiving and patient...maybe even smile a bit more. dispense hugs more often.

i don't do all of these things often enough and today i want to remind myself that all of these things are possible...maybe i need to keep a card in my pocket.

what would you keep in your pocket?

today on my ipod: tell me true (sarah jarosz), that's where it's at (sam cooke), empire state of mind (alicia keys), if i die young (the band perry), i and love and you (the avett brothers), happy (sister hazel), hard to please (the weepies), constant craving (k.d. lang), doctor my eyes (jackson brown), dreams (brandi carlisle)

when good film ....

2011-04-16T17:39:00.000-05:00

gets hacked up by a photographer that doesn't know her camera.....and then she takes it to a walgreen where it gets hacked even more.... this was shot on a pentax full manual, obviously overexposed and then apparently there were all sorts of light leaks. this is black & white film made to be processed on a color processing system so i'm not sure where the blues and pinks come in except that perhaps the processor was not calibrated or the whatnot. the more i stare at them, the more some of them appeal to me. not in the hey, look what i shot way but in the weird, bad photography sort of way.

digging ditches

2011-04-15T14:49:00.000-05:00

chicago is tall, fast, windy and fun. it is full of good food, taxi cabs, el trains and people who laugh at my accent. there are rivers and buildings - tall, both old and new. and i had a good time. well, except for that sit inside while it's beautiful outside kinda thing. and that whole cheerleader thing they do when we states get together. trying to force ditchdiggers into superhero mode. since when did it get to be a bad thing to do something well? my daddy said, even if you're a ditchdigger you have to do a good job or the whole system collapses. right? on the boat tour wednesday, the guide told a good story about it. it seems a while back, there was a company in charge of replacing pilings in the river system, they drove one set of pilings too deep and it pierced the tunnel system. then, they didn't get around to fixing the hole (cost = $10,000) and let it go until the hole grew and burst into the tunnels, causing $1 billion in damage.

see, proper ditch digging is important. and admitting to your mistakes.

we were asked to come up with a theme song during the meeting....somehow the powers that be didn't like my suggestion of "jump in line"....but i'm rather fond of mr. belefonte.

places visited: the theater district, the navy pier, architecture boat tour, shaws crab house, monk's pub

items left in hotel: pentax camera, shoes and 1 book (they are shipping the camera and shoes, i said they should keep the book)

books read on trip: three (the gurnsey literary and potato peel pie society, staying at daisy's and the three weissmanns of westport)

today on my ipod: grind me in the gears (edwin mccain), smoke gets in your eyes (the platters), dream a little dream of me (the mamas & the papas), stuck in a moment (u2), all in all (my friend steve), rebecca (pat mcgee band), broken (peter searcy), wanted it to be (sister hazel), all apologies (nirvana)

catching up

2011-04-11T07:46:00.000-05:00

hello friends. it's early monday and i'm packing to fly to chicago. yesterday it was 87 here and i read that the high today in chicago will be in the 50s. brrrrr.

as usual, i will be stuck inside a hotel - this time with about 200 people as we struggle to understand how the new rules will effect the state and what we will have to do to make it happen. oh, that exciting life of health IT. how did a banker girl get wrapped up in all this glamor? *laugh*

these shots are from the last week or so - i think a combination of dashing out at sunset one day and going to the park another sunday. there is just something dreamy to me about the pink cherry blossoms - they look like tiny cotton candy roses and i was tempted to snack on them...sorta. the weekend was quiet....mostly. friday night i had dinner under the lemon slice smile of the moon while listening to acoustic guitar players and chatting with friends. saturday was spent cleaning and sunday was spent in errands and getting things done to being out of town. excuse, but perhaps those in charge could squeeze out an extra day in the weekends?

i'm still obsessed with reading - though none of this week's books were just superduper. i've started a book page on my blog for those interested in seeing what i've been reading lately. oh.....and i got these gorgeous felted roses from my friend suzan....i can't wait to make a beautiful pillow with them! this shot doesn't do them justice but i wanted to leave them wrapped until i can do my work with them. you should check out her shop as she has beautiful things!!!

i hope you're having a beautiful spring!

for some reason, this reminds me of the snake in jungle book.....what was it's name??

atrophy

2011-04-03T22:13:00.000-05:00

life is getting in the way of blogging and photographing. more to the point, work is getting in the way. there are days that i envy people at home that can take time out during the day to write, to photograph, to visit.... but i know my responsibilities and what i need to do. and being a bit envious of it all...well that serves no purpose. so... just know i wish i was there with you exploring.

then the weekend comes and it seems that i work a lot on weekends too. now i could fuss and kick and pout about that...but, believing in doing the very best - i can't leave what needs to be done...undone. last week was testing - this weekend was doing root cause analysis about why our system didn't go live as it was expected. *sigh*

tomorrow is taking care of contingencies and explaining to the powers that be why it happened. in the mean time - i got to visit my girls for about an hour - they're getting over colds just like me. i can't believe she's not a baby anymore. she's not even a toddler. she got her first official haircut. i have determined i cannot blink anymore - i'm sure to miss something like a wedding or a graduation.

i hope my shutter finger hasn't atrophied. hope you had a beautiful weekend.

the tether

2011-03-31T14:05:00.001-05:00

"... it never occurred to her that she was looking for a tether. she thought she was the one that sped things along, the one that sent things on their way, but there she was for the first time delivered."

excerpt from the postmistress by sarah blake

i read that passage thought about tethers and things that anchor us to our lives. how somes we seek them and sometimes we seek to make ourselves loose of them. and in searching for exactly the right balance to it all, we can feel adrift and without connection.

there are times i feel adrift - floating along like this lone little dogwood. and when i do, i go back to the touchstones of my life - my family, my friends, my job. it is good to feel connected. and in some ways, i think that blogging also provides a tether to the world. we gather around this mutual campfire - warming our hands and our souls. we circle the wagons up - keeping out the wolves, coyotes and other predators that seek to tear us down. we pioneers and adventurers.

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today on my ipod: time (hootie & the blowfish), long day (matchbox twenty), all over you (live), turpentine (brandi carlile), romeo and juliet (dire straits), doctor my eyes (jackson browne), i'm yours (jason mraz), surrounded (chantal kreviazuk), kitchen song (edwin mccain), running to stand still (u2), wantin' her again (ben kweller)

obsessions: top chef, perfect mashed potatoes, reading

quote: "a boo is louder than a cheer" - lance armstrong

reeling in the years

2011-03-27T21:53:00.000-05:00

from top to bottom are shots from the same week of march for the last six years. in the first shot i have not yet decided that i wanted to persue photography - i knew i loved it, but this was taken with a now archaic kodak point and shoot. because photographs were placed in our company's reports to the banks, the resolution was quite small. i do remember this shot as it is one of the most beautiful sunset's i've seen from one of the most beautiful cities i've visited. it's taken at the end of one of the piers on alaskan way in seattle, washington. the restaurant was wonderful, the food was fantastic, and i loved it.

the next shot i had just purchased my canon rebel xti. i didn't know aperture from a hole in the ground and i shot mostly on "green mode." the next year, i felt more comfortable with my camera - composition - and exploring photography. i started classes towards a certificate and began to develop a sense of my style. the next shot, i learned more about macro photography and though i don't shoot it a lot, i recognize the talent of people that do a lot of macro photography. last year, i felt more comfortable with how my style had developed and worked a lot on staging shots. this year, i feel another change coming...i'm not sure yet what it is....but it's coming. this is the first time i've laid my photographs year to year to year to year.....i like the exercise and hope i can continue to do this.

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obsessions this week - pinterest, dogwood trees, reading new authors (discovering new books)

stormy sunday playlist (also known as "today on my ipod") - you can sleep while i drive (melissa etheridge), she loves you (the beatles), peaceful easy feeling (the eagles), your winter (sister hazel), dock of the bay (otis redding), bubble toes (jack johnson), all i want is you (u2), i'm yours (jason mraz), come away with me (norah jones)

2011-03-25T15:48:00.000-05:00

hey y'all - i'll tell you how this week has gotten behind ... monday i found out i had to go to nashville on tuesday. tuesday i went to nashville -- i attended a meeting at the really cool 'vanderbilt center for better health'. we worked until 8:00 p.m. and i barely noticed - that is a cool meeting. we found this cool rum & satay bar (rumba) and i had the best mojito in the world. back to the meeting on wednesday and then the long drive home. thursday was in the office to catch up and then today was another all day training meeting.

so...i hope you're having good weeks - i hope to catch up with you all this weekend. i will say it is just gorgeous here - blooms have burst forth, trees are leafing out and even our grass needs cutting.

okay - back to testing.....

the weekend in photographs

2011-03-20T21:43:00.000-05:00

ok, the first two are not from the weekend but from wednesday. but i was so disappointed in my shots last night that i threw them into the mix. obviously i'm not a night photographer or have much more to learn.

saturday

sunday

catching up....

2011-03-18T23:19:00.000-05:00

bits and pieces of the past few weeks as i haven't had time to play with these much. hope you're having a great weekend.

southern salon

2011-03-18T11:00:00.000-05:00

thank you all for the warm thoughts and wishes. you know, you complain about life from time to time and then something shows you that moments are perfect. last night was one of those. i've had a rough week, nothing bad, but i felt worn around the edges. and then, last night on a whim i called a friend for dinner. turns out she had a rough week too. so we had a great little dinner and a drink and then wandered over for coffee. then my sister called and i was invited with her to another friend's home for a st. patrick's day meal.

though i had eaten, davina makes you welcome with generous platters of food and beer, and loads of interesting company. i sat on the porch with the ambient traffic sounds in the background. people filling plates and eating corned brisket, cabbage and carrots. beautiful scents wafted from candles and incense being burned and the temperature was perfect. and the conversation was....well perfect. and for those moments in time - life was rather, well again, perfect. what didn't matter was work, or worries, or even that my back has been killing me. i sat talking to two law clerks - one from new york and one from nigeria by the way of california. we talked about what they had seen of the south and we talked about what needs to be seen to truly experience the south. it makes me wish for a southern salon (not the hair kind) where people gather, talk, share, and laugh.

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today on my ipod - please come to boston (dave loggins), i'm like a bird (nellie furtado), romeo and juliet (dire straits), tupelo honey (van morrison), fallin' and flyin' (jeff bridges), stuck in a moment (u2), i wonder (chris isaak), tiny dancer (elton john), world spins madly on (the weepies), ode to billy joe (bobbie gentry)

obsessions - rosemary mint shampoo, my ipod, writing, reading books by sarah addison allen, dogwood blossoms

quote of the day - "most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine" - ralph waldo emerson

2011-03-15T15:28:00.000-05:00

today at lunch i read a story in oprah's magazine that moved me to tears. i ate macaroni and cheese that was orange and buttery as the tears slipped silently down my cheeks and i wanted to reach through the veil of words to heal the author has i've healed my wounds over the years. guilt is a terrible beast that nashes with sharp, stone-lined teeth and scars with steel bladed talons...and until we irrigate the poison out of our system, it lingers.

i've been melancholy as i'm sure a lot of you have - watching helplessly a the tragedy in japan. sure we can send money and prayers and good wishes, but wanting to do so much more pulls at me. along with the rain, the gray skies, the runaway menopause (i'm too young to feel this damn old), the time change, the...the...the...it seems too much you know? just too much.

and i know others are there too. so, anyway - the people that responded to my pay it forward giveaway so far - i've lost track of who was in the top five and all that..so, you know what - you're all winners. it may take me a while, but...i will send you something from my list. if you want to do a pay it forward, then so be it - have fun with it.

there were also some that want to do a spring swap but i see that se'lah is doing one currently and i don't want to take away from hers. so....let's not do that right now. i will brainstorm and maybe we can do a early summer swap instead.

i've been obsessed with pinterest lately. i think it's a great marketing tool that you have to apply and they put you on the waiting list - it gives it that extra boost of desire or something. so many pretty things and so little time. look me up if you are on there so i can see what you love too.

today on my ipod - just the way you are (bruno mars), three more days (ray lamontagne), north dakota (lyle lovett), only the young (journey), will you love me tomorrow (carole king), life in the storm (edwin mccain), wonderwall (oasis), rainy day blues (willie nelson & jonny lang), love train (the o'jays), a thing called love (bonnie raitt)

wisdom

2011-03-14T14:06:00.000-05:00

there is a kind of symmetry to life - the cyclical ups and downs that we all have - tied to time, tides, hormones or the whatever. and as i pondered this weekend - what to write about - what inspired me creatively, or what caught my eye (besides my obsession with pinterest) i found myself backing away from the computer. things i did find myself doing were reading - nay devouring - a new author's books (sarah addison allen), cooking and thinking about things to make a home. that nesting syndrome that i seem to have in the spring - much like the birds i saw this weekend with twigs in their beaks.

there was much acceptance work this weekend - some from unexpected places and some in finding out how a friend feels their feelings. there is that acceptance of each other. and in that i found this quote - well, almost tripped on it this morning ... "love and kindness are never wasted. they always make a difference. they bless the one who receives them and they bless you, the giver." - barbara de angelis

i added four new quotes to my quotes journal this week - all of them speak to me. i've kept one of these for quite a while now. when i'm restless or trying to make a decision, i turn to this journal to seek advice and think about what to do next. there are so many wise people out there....but you know what, there also people just like me who are just trying to figure it all out...they too have wisdom to share.

the problem with rants...

2011-03-09T22:33:00.001-06:00

i feel guilty just telling you the bad stuff about my job instead of the good stuff. and there are days that my job is very good. i get to work on cutting edge stuff and for a state agency, that is sometimes a dangerous place to because the default for something no one understands is to rely on archaic regulations and laws. so, that is a hazard. some days you win, sometimes you rant, and some days you feel like screaming. most days are winning. so in my honesty here, i tend to blow off steam with you guys. sorry about that. but...all in all - as we say in my office, it is what it is.

the pansies above are like me, bruised and battered, but they carry on. (hope you all are safe in these rather violent storms.) i'm planning to participate in a pay it forward.....i'm sure you all have heard of this before, but....for those of you that haven't. a pay it forward is a gift that you give because you want to express gratitude for what you've been given. i've been given a lot in my life and though i sometimes stomp and complain a bit, i know that there are others that have it much worse than me....so...here are your choices (pick one of the four) the rules follow the choices.

a choice from my etsy shop,
a small cookbook of recipes i use all the time and maybe a few i've been taught by my mom,
used books that i've read (not handmade i know, but they are hand selected by me and some people would just prefer a book),
or my photoshop skills in making you an art piece such as your favorite quote and photograph combined or a blog header.

should you decide to take up the challenge, then are willing to:

write a short blog about paying it forward. then be willing to send five people something "handmade". i'm pretty loose about the handmade part - as i count photography as "handmade" and as you see, the used books. then, select five people from your list of participants - in this case, the blogger suggested the first five that responded, so i'm going with that. i recognize that handmade for five may take a while - don't feel like you have to send all five at once, quality takes some time, yo?

it's just a fun way to share. also....last year we did a valentine's day card swap. anyone feeling a spring swap?

tell me

2011-03-09T13:38:00.000-06:00

it is a rainy day in alabama. the kind of rain that makes you want to curl up in front of a fireplace with a mug of something warm and a good book. and as you read the book you become sleepy and find yourself asleep, curled in the blanket - that deep, soul satisfying sleep - the kind where many beautiful dreams occur.

but, instead - i'm working. and not the deep, soul satisfying work...but the kind that makes you want to kick curbs and curse because you're so pissed. and being pissed doesn't really solve the problem - but it allows you to vent without expressing anger at the one (or two) people that have caused you to be in this predicament. because that will not solve the problem any better than kicking the curb....and all you get are bruised toes and a bruised ego. *sigh*

so i stare out my window and wonder why i wasn't born independently wealthy or some sort of nonsense. because if i was, i would run off to paris, or tuscany, or timbuktu...or someplace really exotic, like...the moon. and then i wouldn't have to deal with idiots...or...the idiots would be so different and intriguing that i wouldn't notice they were idiots. and i wouldn't have to tell people that have worked hard and through no fault of their own, their contract is severed because some idiot didn't research law very well and i hired them thinking it was cool...but it wasn't really cool and now ...i have to end the contract and figure out how to pay them.

tell me again why i wasn't born independently wealthy.

love, kisses, and comment trolls

2011-03-07T10:40:00.000-06:00

apparently i have a comment troll that has decided to use my blog to rant about "boycott american women" - as if. so i'm enabling comment moderation to see if this person goes away. i dislike captivas and i dislike censoring, but - that's just ridiculous. so...i'm going with this to see how it works. they do it just enough to be annoying. (and i can't block them because they're anonymous.

i bowed to auntie pressure this weekend and took my niece to see "never say never" (the justin beiber) movie. i will have to admit, though it's not my kind of music, i was very impressed with him and his family. he is very talented and seems very grounded. i hope he keeps a level head and keeps listening to his mother and grandparents.

otherwise, i've been lost in auntie duties this weekend as it's mardi gras' last weekend before tomorrow and ash wednesday. are you living it up and getting in your last days of excess before easter? hope so. more later when i'm back home in my bed and not worried about ballet clothes, lunches, pick-ups, snacks, bed times and worrying about effecting my youngest niece up when she has to run to the potty all the time. (she seems to use "have to potty" as a way to avoid what she doesn't want to do - like go to bed.)

the melody

2011-03-03T12:56:00.001-06:00

the good news is that i found my little travel journal. such a tiny little thing, it slipped between the seat which housed my cameras and equipment during the drive. as i said, i've been reading "the happiness project" in bits and pieces over the year as i've struggled lately with the true meaning of happiness - is it joy, is it constant, is it contentment, what is this elusive bird. and unhappiness...can you be both at the same time? happy and unhappy that is....

in reading and making notes, i found this to be true - just like our palates that are most satisfied when there is a balance of sweet, salty, bitter, and sour - my life feels most balanced when i can accept that life is that series of ups and downs. as nietzsche said, "the end of a melody is not its goal, but nonetheless, if the melody not reached its end, it would not have reached its goal either. a parable"

so, in making happiness not my goal but part of the melody - when i reach my end, i would have enjoyed the melody all along. this ... makes me very happy... very.

time, sparks, and music

2011-03-01T15:38:00.001-06:00

"she was so busy forgetting, she couldn't take a single step into the future." ~~ green angel (by alice hoffman)

this quote struck me as i read it this morning. i have been that girl before. stuck in the past - unable to enjoy the now because ... well, because.

i've been stuck on this pargraph for a while now, writing and erasing, and writing and erasing. i find it odd when i do that. and it's not because i don't know what i want to say, but how i want to say it. i have been thinking a lot about the impermanence of time. so i will leave it at that. apparently i have some more to ponder before i can write it all down.

during my trip, i kept a small journal of observations and writings on the road. it has slipped out of my purse and i am sad. i hope i find it soon - though there was nothing embarrassing, there was a lot the last day as i sat on a bar stool in st. simons. funny - with all the solitude of the beach and the salt flats, i wrote more in a busy restaurant.

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today on my ipod: take it easy (the eagles), ghost of a good thing (dashboard confessionals), come away with me (norah jones), always on my mind (elvis presley), beautiful (india.arie), into the mystic (van morrison), where you lead (carole king), heartless (william fitzsimmons cover), anna begins (counting crows)

bradford pears and daffodils

2011-02-27T14:19:00.000-06:00

purple haze

2011-02-27T13:49:00.000-06:00

spring has sprung in the fair city and wednesday evening i raced the rainstorm to capture

the lush and bountiful japanese magnolias that bloom by my office.

this is my second spring with them and each time i see them in full bloom,

they take my breath away.

journey to the sea - savannah

2011-02-25T11:53:00.000-06:00

there are not words for me to describe the downtown area of savannah, georgia. the majestic live oaks draped with the spanish moss, the beautiful buildings, the squares, the fountains, the sense of history...so i will leave you with these shots of my morning. many stores were not opened with the president's day holiday and i longed to take a road never traveled before. i don't know that i admitted to myself yet, but this is what my adventure was about - the road never travelled....

out of savannah, i decided to take all rural roads down to the "golden isles" - the sea islands that dot the coasts of georgia (similar to the islands off the coast of north and south carolina) - in this case brunswick, st. simons and jekyll. i rode along highway 99. the wonderful thing about taking rural roads. you might find the world along with you for the ride....

or you could find america's smallest church (so they say). this precious little church sits along highway 99 between savannah and darien. under a canopy of live oaks, the one tiny room has beautiful stained glass, one pulpit and maybe eight chairs. behind the altar are scattered pictures of loved ones with prayer requests, statues and other offerings. it was a sweet and touching experience to see these.

darien is located along one of the many rivers along the coast - a huge fleet of shrimping boats were docked but i couldn't get close enough for great shots. this area also had rice plantations and you can see the grasses filling a lot of the low tide areas along the banks of the rivers.

for some strange reason i quit taking pictures once i got to brunswick and st. simons. maybe it was late in the day and i was tired. the traffic was hectic and heavy - there was construction across high bridges (which wig me out anyway) and i wasn't the daredevil that i was on sunday. i made my way to the mullet bay seafood restaurant - a popular place as it was quite full even later in the afternoon. i love sitting at the bars because you meet other people alone. i chatted with a nice older man about the book i was reading (the happiness project) and to another gentleman who was treating his mother to lunch (he was 65 and she was 90!). leaving there, i felt the siren call of being on the road. so, i decided to drive the backroads of georgia....

the problem - the gps decided it was time to quit the quiet roads and kept routing me back to interstate. finally, in macon - i found highway 80. but...it was also dark and i decided i was close enough to home and headed that way. the deer along the highway were beautiful and the dark made it feel as i was alone in the world. peaceful - quiet - wrapped in dark silk with me and the radio. life was good...well, until i couldn't find a gas station for a while...but that resolved itself too.

i made it home - back to montgomery - having seen new places and new things, with a belly full of shrimp.

life is indeed very good.

journey to the sea - atlanta to tybee

2011-02-23T22:42:00.000-06:00

there is something refreshing about driving four hours alone with your thoughts, i was also able to listen to some radio programs that i normally miss as i'm usually not in the car on sunday mornings. one program i love is "american voices" on npr. it reminds me of my dream project - to drive around the country backroads talking and interviewing people and taking their photographs. since i can't do that - this program at least allows me to listen to some versions of those stories.

driving through savannah and out to tybee got my blood stirring. the live oaks are gracefully draped with spanish moss. like elegant senoritas, they caress the air with their fans of gray silk. as you drive closer to tybee, the salt flats stretch out on either side of the road - flat and endless - lined with sea grass. occasionally water birds stretch to take flight and lazily drift back down. the shrimpers have docked for the afternoon, having unloaded their hauls and await a new day.

the lighthouse and fort stay together, protective and secure. brave souls hover near the walls as the cool wind whips scarves and jackets like unfurled flags. visiting off season allows me time to listen to the ghostly voices slip past on the wind as i admire the strong, beige walls of the fort. but the beach beacons and i can't resist. i dig ig my toes in the sand, watching the few people hunch their shoulders against the strong winds - whipping hair, clothes and sand. frothy waves dance on the salty waters and the sounds soothe me. i sit and rock in the swing. too cold to sit there all evening, i take some photographs and go to seek shelter for the night.

off season brings bargains and i snag a "ocean obscured view" at a beach front bed and breakfast. (the desoto) it is not fancy - but it offers warmth, access to the beach and free breakfast. if you are the adventurous sort - i always recommend going off season and seeing what is available. going late in the day and talking to the clerks can often snag you a deal. this room is normally $200 on season - it was $72 on my walk in. sweet!

a quick clean up and i decided to go with "uncle bubba's" for dinner. being owned by the deen family brings a lot of traffic and i waited patiently about 20 minutes for a table, but in doing so i got a great table by the waterfront and a good view for people watching while i eat. (i always bring a book too) the menu is fairly basic seafood type items. i went for the fresh fried shrimp dinner. the shrimp was divine but the sides were generic - cheese grits and corn (there were several to choose from, again nothing fancy.) there was a basket of tiny, cute corn muffins with honey butter while i waited and the sweet tea was definitely sweet. one of my indulgences when i travel is taking dessert back to my hotel to savor while watching tv in bed (something i never do at home). the dessert my friends was fantastic - homemade pound cake, with ice cream and fresh strawberries. again, nothing fancy but sometimes simple is so amazing that it doesn't need the fancy.

i tried to stay up for moonrise at 9:30 but the combination of the long drive, full tummy, and ocean waves overtook me...more tomorrow.

here are the shots:

journey to the sea - montgomery to atlanta

2011-02-22T22:40:00.000-06:00

i drove in the fog and wondered if the weather reports were wrong. they were not. i arrived in atlanta to sunshine and girly time. we shopped, we ate, we drank, we talked our heads off, we went to a party, we took two taxis....a great kickoff to my weekend. though i was sad she ended up not being able to go to the sea with me...i became excited at the adventure of being on my own for two days. these are shots from the first leg of the journey.

i was so excited to see forsythia blooming that i squealed.

after two firsts (ikea and trader joes) - we settled down to an afternoon of wine, snacks, and solving the problems of the world. i adore mellie - she is the friend that whenever you see her again, its just like you hung up the phone an hour ago. smart, intelligent, funny, whimsical.... that night we went to a neighborhood block party where she loved telling how we met about 14 years ago. in line at an edwin mccain show - she was first in line and i was second. gah....how embarrassing. but...i got a fantastic friend out of the deal. she lives in adair park in atlanta - an area being reclaimed from crime and decay. the houses were built in the 30's and 40's and have amazing character. the people that i met were charming and interesting. i can't wait to go visit again - i actually met a circus performer!! she eats fire - so you know i told her that i want to photograph her the next visit!

now i know their beauty up close and personal. they were left as a hostess gift...but mellie was hip to my buying them as a photography subject. why oh why can't the stores here carry these beauties?

sunday morning i was both happy and sad to leave...this shot is right before the traffic jammed up because of a wreck...oh yes, atlanta traffic. though i miss living in a big city - there are certainly things that i do not miss. traffic is one.

oops - i just realized i'm telling on myself. i have a bit of a lead foot. this stunt is not for children. trying to focus a camera while driving, reading a gps and driving too fast. (i made sure no one was around me) this is just outside of savannah...heading towards tybee island. more tomorrow!

my travels to the sea

2011-02-22T16:40:00.000-06:00

i share my journey soon - too many photographs to edit

the news

2011-02-17T21:42:00.001-06:00

my freewrite friday from magpie's fancy...a day early

mandy sat alone in her room. her fingers entwined in the pink cord leading to the princess handset pressed firmly to her right ear. as she listened, she was aware of the post from her pearl earring poking into the side of her skull and the water dripping in the bathroom sink. the last light of the late spring afternoon had turned golden and shattered as it hit the thin slats of her blinds.

she nodded her head as she listened to cyrus. it was the call she wanted and dreaded. would she be in the corps...would she be asked to join the company...or, crushingly, was she rejected - disappointing her mother's dreams of a prima ballerina. the dreams her mother had for herself. the dreams she gave up after the accident. she shifted again as cyrus told her the critiques from the panel. her arms were a bit short....her turnout a bit overextended...but her pointe work was good, her lines elegant. mandy swatted at a dust mote that traveled across her sight, focusing on his words....but...unfortunately, they were not asking her to join.

mandy heard the silent click of the extension. of course now her mother knew too. she crossed to the bathroom and got a small glass of water from the tap. as hard as she tried, she couldn't get the drip to stop. she sat the glass on the tile as she tried, twisting, grimacing....that damn thing just wouldn't stop. her hands shaking, she picked up the glass and looked into the mirror. as she did, a tear fell silently down her cheek and dripped into the glass forming concentric circles, much like the pirouettes she practiced today.

it was later that night that she realized, they were tears of relief - her mother's were the ones that tasted of disappointment.

okay...i admit it

2011-02-16T12:27:00.000-06:00

not that i would plan to get married again at this age..but if i did. i want to be a character in the great gatsby and i would totally wear this dress by anthropologie's new line, bhldn. i think the girl in me squealed at the entire catelog. but that dress...

he would wear a white suite, just like robert redford's jay. and we would be married on the sands of ... somewhere. the gulf beaches are too bright, too new. i picture instead brunswick, georgia or beaufort, south carolina. ladies could wear cocktail dresses and men crisp suits. the fare would be light and the cocktails cold and abundant.

i wonder if i could just get this and marry myself. ha! anthropolgie... you and your dreamy marketing campaigns. *shakes fist*

ps - i want my "cake" to be a lucious tower of cream puffs and perhaps tiny cream brulees as another dessert. not that i've thought about that or...anything....really

though there are songs with tuesday in the title, none of them fit

2011-02-15T14:12:00.000-06:00

i don't understand vindictive people - i just don't get the wasted energy and the negativity. let it go

and for the record, i don't understand beiber fever either...but i'm pretty sure my mom said that about madonna or cyndi lauper and her grandmother didn't understand elvis and in turn....her mother didn't understand those new fangled short skirts...or kitty wells. so i can let that one go.

i'm so excited about the upcoming weekend. i'm going to visit my friend mellie and we're getting in the car and letting whimsy decide a destination. i can't wait to see where we end up. and....i'm equally excited about five days off. *happy dance* thank you george and abe - i'm happy to honor you both. and can i just say right on for all of the contributions you made to this country?

the picture above is related to the vindictive person in my worklife. we try to do our normal job but we never know when jaws is trying to bite us on the ass again. has anyone perfected a shark repellent? anyway.... i have the office to myself today and i have my ipod going, the sun is shining and i just had a celebratory wendy's...sweet!

today on my ipod: no bad news today (patty griffin), blackbird (covered by sarah mclachlan), mercedes benz (janis joplin), push (matchbox twenty), tuff enuff (the fabulous thunderbirds), summer long (kathleen edwards), melissa (the allman brothers), concede (sister hazel), bennie and the jets (elton john)

pick me, love, and various disclaimers

2011-02-14T13:50:00.000-06:00

i wavered back and forth today about acknowledging the day and ignoring it. the weekend was much too busy to spend much time on making a special deal over the day...and i had forgotten to try and get together the handmade card swap this year (boo!) so...i had mostly decided to ignore the day. until i heard this poem being read on the radio this morning, "pick me" by jonathan b tucker.

the poem grabbed me by the collar and slammed me into a wall. it was easy to relate to as most of us have either seen jerry mcguire or gray's anatomy. the rom-com cliche of of wanted to be loved for yourself and having the person you're interested in choosing ....well, you. so...read the poem - it's by a young dc poet and i would love to see performing.

so...back to the day. as many have said, to me the day is to be lived all year 'round. never pass a day without telling those that you love about your love. gather up lots of kisses and hugs to sustain you through the tough times. remember that tough times may call for extra love but it is easy to forget that good times still call for that love. love yourself.....yeah, i tried and there is not a way to say that without sounding dirty...so do that too if you are so inclined. do something completely cheesy and hokey (and other funny made up words) to take yourself out of your comfort zone. (i wrote a letter)

the girls....this weekend. there is some of my love on paper (so to speak) - this shot is untouched except to open the raw file in lightroom. sure, it's a bit blown out and the circles under their eyes are showing and stuff...but, it cries love to me. love for each other and love for me to pose so sweetly.

hope you have the beautiful day of your dreams.

the love letter

2011-02-13T08:43:00.001-06:00

dear charlane, it's been a while since i have really faced you in the mirror. and if it wasn't for this writing exercise, i'm not sure if i would have had the courage to do it now. because the mirror you see brings a sense of honesty and forthright"ness" that you don't have when you sit and mull over your life. valentine's day is tomorrow - the day you struggle with and waver back and forth about. you love it and you hate it. you envy those that celebrate and you scoff. you tell yourself that you like being alone. and for the most part you do. i love that about you. i love your independence and willingness to do things alone. things that you had to learn the hard way - like eating alone, going places alone, and well... to be very forthright, sleeping alone. you struggled with those until now, instead of struggles, they have almost become a preference. you cultivate an almost jackie o sense of yourself when you look inside.

there are days that it is difficult to tell you that i love you. your defense mechanism is humor and when backed into a deep corner sarcasm. there are days that you do wonder are you enough, do you love yourself to be enough. but then your strength rises up, and you say "yes...i am". even when it is bitter in your mouth, you know....you know.

you open your heart wide to those that love you and welcome them inside - inside the heart's velvety and forgiving cushion. feeding them sweetmeats of your love in anyway that you can. you shelter them and hold them tight. you open your heart to friends and others on your path. sometimes there are thorns that prickle and scratch. luckily there are healing salves for that. and you trace your fingers on scar tissue - the fractures of your heart that haven't healed. not enough to let romance inside. and you tell yourself that....this life is good enough without it. and it is. you have chosen your life exactly as it is. now ask yourself - is that what you wanted.

because i do love you warts and all. that weird combination of strength and weakness. and as you face tomorrow and the paper hearts, the out pouring of love - breathe it in. and know. know that you are loved - not only by friends and family. but by yourself.

xoxo,
me

the thrill of sunshine, warmer temperatures and music

2011-02-11T14:05:00.001-06:00

the words are not coming to me this week. i blame it on contracts, being cooped up in a room with co-workers, and too much pizza. but...good things are happening. so, as the sign in our office states, "it is what it is." (amen)

signs of spring:

a flock of robins spotted while driving home
the wild fluctuations in temperature (26 to 52 in the span of 3 hours)
the buds on the bradford pear trees
seed catelogs
flipflops worn on warmer days
daylight when i leave work
the feverish desire to go to the beach, the mountains, somewhere!
calculation of days before good friday
irises breaking the earth in glorious green spikes
final storage of the christmas decorations
mardi gras and king cakes

favorite things this week:

robins
the cute heart coffee mug on my desk
daffodils
aveda hand lotion freebie
sunshine on my shoulders....and the promise of 60 degree weather this weekend
peanut m&m's

today on my ipod: all for you (sister hazel), angel mine (cowboy junkies), beautiful day (u2), hold on loosely (.38 special), brown eyed girl (van morrison), charmed (my friend steve), hooch (everything), good (better than ezra), drift away (dobie gray), florida (patty griffin), give a little bit (goo goo dolls cover), go your own way (fleetwood mac),

"pack" it all in...this weekend

2011-02-08T10:38:00.001-06:00

the weekend and honestly the last ten days have been a whirl. i've been running hither and yon so much that i haven't been able to do much in the way of commenting or visiting you...except in periodic bursts of commenting blitz. thank you last week for the prayers - though they were not for me this time - they still blessed my heart deeply. you are so very kind.

so...when i left you last i was about to dogsit three cuties (when i can download my iphone, you will see my sweetie "little man"). that went well despite the torrential downpour that was friday. saturday we dashed up to birmingham to secure the perfect prom dress for my sweet model - she was just too adorable. and i had the best time just sitting and watching the girls go into a prom frenzy at jessica mcclintock. back to the dogs on saturday evening and then dashing home sunday to prepare for the super bowl. though i don't really watch professional football, you have to on super bowl sunday. and of course have all the decadent food...

since the boys were coming over, i made sure to make all of their favorites: wings, cheese dip, cheese fries (yes, we were on cheese overload), pepper jelly and cream cheese (see, told you), chips, dips, and of course root beer. dessert was simple, chocolate chip cookies!!

the game was exciting and of course we were happy when the packers won and the cherry on top was of course glee!!

work this week become some fruition of a year of planning as contracts begin to be fulfilled...which leads to of course more intense planning and vendor oversight. there are days i look at my composition book and wonder how all the questions will ever get answered. but they will. they have to - no excuses. (no surrender)

i hope your week is going well!

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today on my ipod: turn my head (live), up to the mountain (patty griffin), volcano (damien rice), what a good boy (barenaked ladies), why georgia (john mayer), wonderwall (oasis), you don't miss your water (otis redding), three more days (ray lamontagne), sweet thing (van morrison)

sending the love

2011-02-04T10:00:00.001-06:00

i'm sending out love and prayers today - that is heavy on my heart. if you could take a moment right now and touch the screen (yes, it seems silly i know but i do that when you ask from my love or prayers) and think of someone that may need your love and prayers...i thank you.

for those of you trying to dig out of the snow and ice - i'm sending warm thoughts. i think this may be phil's revenge for not getting to play with his shadow this week.

i really do not have much more to say today. the rain has kept us inside too and icicles hanging from cars in the parking deck were a bit worrisome but i got home safe and sound. home to a good beef stew and heat.

the weekend is upon us and i am dog sitting for three cuties this weekend. i think i will for once, enjoy being at home with them instead of envying the trip their mommy and dad are taking to new orleans this weekend. sending smiles your way and happy thoughts for a good weekend....

my thought for the day: 'not knowing when the dawn will come, i open every door' ~ emily dickinson

my song of the day: take it to the limit ~ the eagles

my comfort of the day: leftover beef stew, a cup of coffee and drooling over the new pottery barn catelog.

i abide

2011-02-01T15:05:00.000-06:00

it is raining today - much like any february day in alabama. the rain hits the window pane just over my left shoulder. i type and listen, it sounds comforting - these last weeks of winter. wet, gray, dull and mostly lifeless. the grass is dull and the trees that haven't shed their leaves, hang on to brittle brown skeletons of last year's glory. but...as the wind blows, the thunder blusters and the rain falls ... this is the time of year that my spirit begins to sigh and whisper - spring is coming, spring is coming. i pay no attention to groundhog's day - his shadow doesn't seem to work the same way here. i pay no attention to valentine's day - it holds no meaning for me. what matters is that february is the month when the seasons begin to turn the corner. next month comes the beginnings of the earth returning to life - the grass begins to grow, the birds nest, the flowers begin their budding, and the air takes on that magical, pure, spring quality where all possibilities abound. much like this magical wisteria - it will surround me and intoxicate me. i await and abide....spring is coming.

nephews

2011-01-30T17:35:00.000-06:00

because you haven't seen them in so long....(and because the oldest needed some shots for his year book.) they weren't happy getting dressed on a saturday but it made their aunt and momma happy so in the end, who care if they were a bit grumpy at first....

a friend called this harry potter

seriously, can you get that camera outta my face?

sure, we're brothers but way too cool to act "close"

this is my new favorite wall

i love black & white

the make momma happy shot

those eyes slay me - why didn't i them them?

sunshine!

no black eye - shadows and backlight.

this is a favorite too

the barest branches and other lovely things

2011-01-28T20:54:00.000-06:00

today i am loving...

the barest branches in the blue winter sky. the lace-y braches curling and reaching towards the sky. the flocks of birds perching in respite before flying on. before i know it leaves will bud out and cover the branches. the branches will shelter me below and i will listen to the winds rustle through the leaves. this brings thoughts of contentment.

the freewrite friday exercises at gigi's the magpie's fancy blog. if you have an interest in writing you may want to check this series out. check out the initial post and you will see that gigi has been writing and publishing since her early twenties (!!! exciting). so far the exercises have helped me expand my mind and though i'm a bit behind, i am really digging the series and always look forward to fridays to see what she has dreamed next.

all things grapefruit - especially ocean spray ruby red grapefruit juice and bath & body works pink grapefruit body spray. yum.

the music stylings of van morrison...and it is true, momma told me that there would be days like this. i've loved him for years - before there was a van morrison song on the end credits of any romantic or meaningful movie....before, i slow danced at weddings to crazy love....before it was cool to love van morrison. yes. i am always loving van morrison.

the ideal of flashmobs that are as cool as the one on glee (safety dance). i would be so thrilled to be somewhere and everyone around me started dancing and singing. can you imagine? if the idea intrigues you, check out youtube for the one around christmas that flashmobbed the hallelujah chorus. so very cool.

and cherry pies. cherries are so good this time of year and remind of my father. i think i have to have a cherry pie this weekend.

hope you have a beautiful weekend...and do something you absolutely love. (ps - i'm still rather smitten with my entirely ugly but comfy pink bedroom slippers)

i'm not crazy - i just work here

2011-01-27T13:22:00.000-06:00

though i know it was not the kind of justice that dr. king spoke of, i had the opportunity to see some small type of karma repaid yesterday....and i have to admit it felt the slightest bit good. (so good that i'm fighting not to gloat so please forgive me here) it was just the proof of the adage "be careful how you treat the people you meet going up the ladder, they are the same people you will meet going down the ladder."

please tell me that tomorrow is indeed friday. i'm not sure if i could hold on to this week much longer. and on another tangent - i'm also officially tired of the hoopla over auburn's championship. it never when this long for alabama last year (who did the exact same thing - heisman + championship). they act like it's never been done before. oh wait....it has...by alabama. thank you - it's good to get that off my chest.

i guess when i get down to it - my main issue with the week is that it's been so crazy and off-kilter that i worry it is really me that is crazy and off-kilter. know that feeling? it's sort of that feeling that if you can't find the drunk at the party - it's probably you. right?

i've asked my contractor that question and she assures me that i'm not crazy...now if we can figure out why my instructions are not being followed by the other staff. *smile*

resonate

2011-01-24T22:00:00.000-06:00

there was a line in a blog tonight from someone i love...of course i love most of my reading list. "Huge lightening bolts of silence." isn't that the most beautiful of lines? it resonates in my soul and i hear it echoing through my senses. i wish i had written it (she writes beautifully)

i love the little bucket that sits on my desk these days. sometimes i fill it with something i love that week and sometimes it's empty. i love the morning light on it especially when it turns blue and soft.

after the hoopla of last friday the weekend was quiet, unassuming and sweet. dinners with brothers, visits with sisters, driving in the country and golden afternoon light. though i look at cobalt blue skies and bare branches, i see the very beginnings of what will become spring. the world has its cycles and i welcome them. i live - i breathe - i am. acceptance.

the slippers on my feet are new tonight - they're ugly and truly the very ideal of carnation pink (never my favorite crayon) but they were cheap and warm and feel snuggly. my feet are protected from the hard wooden floors. i can't turn my nose up at that.

sleep calls me...or is it the end of the fun but trashy novel that sits on my bed. i shuffle off to bed on the cotton sheets in my pink slippers. today, life is good and the thunderbolts still echo in my head.

southern nights

2011-01-23T09:55:00.000-06:00

well....hell

2011-01-21T12:26:00.000-06:00

i need to go to my happy place ... really, i do - all by myself and perhaps stand on a big ol' dune and scream at the top of my lungs. i couldn't go to the beach with beth's generous offer due to the doings last week...and just when i think things are settling back down - someone stole my tablet (you know the kind of laptops you can write on?) from my desk sometime between 5:15 last night and 8:15 this morning.

ugh - now comes that weird, slightly guilty feeling about why would they take something so random when i'm sure to notice it is missing from my desk? and there is a second one on the other side of my desk? yes, i'm the person that needs two laptops (work issues - one does e-mail, the other travels and synchs up my iphone)

but...it's friday and that makes for a good day - i hope. and the weekend is supposed to be beautiful. so...hopefully something beautiful will happen too. *fingers crossed*

today on my ipod - fall down (toad the wet sprocket), heart of gold (neil young), mercedes benz (janis joplin), nobody knows (tony rich), at the chime of a city clock (nick drake), baby did a bad bad thing (chris isaak cover), you get what you give (the new radicals), ice cream (sarah mclachlan), 100 years (five for fighting)

yearbook

2011-01-19T22:02:00.000-06:00

late sunday afternoon - the girl, the photographer and the mom....and lots of experiments in photoshop.

mom wanted some beauty shots...and as always, christy and i like to goof around. this set was taken at fort tolouse, a state park near wetumpka, alabama. i was swooning over the abundant spanish moss and will be back there soon!

but even my best model has some "oops" shots

head full of doubt, road full of promise.

2011-01-17T12:40:00.000-06:00

i've been mulling this post over in my head since thursday night and it basically comes down to this, be careful what you put out into the universe because someone may decide that you need quite the lesson about acceptance of your situation just as it it. thursday morning i wrote that my life was mostly drama free - thursday afternoon, approximately two to three hours after, i was hit in the face with full fledged, full throttle, heart stopping drama ... that may have repercussions for a long time. suffice to say it is much too personal for this blog because it is not my story to tell. thank you for understanding that i just needed to share the lesson learned.

this is my young friend christy - my willing model. on sunday, while we were out taking pretty pictures that mommas love, i spied this beam - she happily jumped up and walked in the late afternoon golden sun. gotta love a girl like that willing to jump into the situation. now she is interested in photography too. i gotta love that.

now to get back to some old habits that i used to have:

i love this video posted by my friend megan.
i want this ring that i saw in "southern lady" magazine (in "c" of course)
i'm addicted to her photography
i used to say, "i could bathe in this shampoo"...now i do thanks to a sweet christmas gift
someone clued me onto the avett brothers....thank you and thank you.

"There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light
In the fine print they tell me what’s wrong and what’s right
There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light
And I’m frightened by those that don’t see it"

today on my ipod:
head full of doubt, road full of promise (the avett brothers), rain (patty griffin), if i die young (band called perry), memphis city rain (angie aparo), come away with me (norah jones), here comes the sun (the beatles), smoke gets in your eyes (the platters), that's the way they always said it would be (carly simon)

peace

2011-01-15T22:09:00.001-06:00

when the power of love overcomes

the love of power,

the world will have peace.

~~ j. hendrix

i never can pronounce it right - chop-RA or CHO-pra

2011-01-13T10:29:00.001-06:00

thoreau was right, there is not remedy for true love - unconditional love. just an observation really. and a thought about love.

i've been giving a lot of thought lately to what purpose my life has ... well besides just the living it to the best of my ability. sometimes i struggle with that - about, mattering and leaving something behind that i can be proud of at the end of the day. and, i do think that...mostly, usually....well, on the good days. and most of my days lately are good days. of course on the bumpy days i certainly tend to think "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think i'll go eat worms." isn't that self-doubt thing a pain in the rumpus? but aside from all of that... am i here only to be a good sister, a good aunt, a good worker, a good friend....a good...something...fill in the blank...depends on the day of the week?

how do you know? i feel stagnant and stale. not in a bad mopey way. i mean, my life is good. there is no drama - my family is well, work is settling back down (i think), and well....it's good. is this contentment? am i supposed to feel something ...more? what is more?

or is more something like that funny thing....happiness? the more you search the further it is until one day you just wake and realize, it was right there beside you and you didn't shake it's hand? these are thoughts running through my brain. and i relate some of them back to reading chopra's thoughts on "how to be happy" when he says, "life has a purpose."

the shop on the virtual corner, mondays (sorta) and caramel kisses

2011-01-11T22:19:00.001-06:00

yesterday i updated my etsy site - one of the things that can be somewhat tedious to do as it involves, uploading, writing descriptions and the other assorted tasks in making the shop appealing. it can be that one little thing that can catch someone's eye to entice them to buy. i don't push the shop a lot and in fact it was neglected for far too long.

i enjoyed the exercise as it made me look at my shots with a very critical eye. it also allowed me to viturally stroll through the etsy mall, looking at popular photography to see what is selling these days and if i had anything that might fit those bills too. it is always interesting to me to see what is selling. for example, i added a simple black & white magnolia shot....within minutes it had 46 views (not sales mind you) and it was one that i really added at the last moment, thinking it wasn't my best shot. *shrugs*

so...(bad transition there), i didn't start this blog as a sales pitch - so i will shift gears. i had one of those, "why isn't life simple" moments today as i dropped something, couldn't find my freaking college diploma, ankle starting aching, spilled my coffee in the span of say, 15 minutes. as i had my mini freak out - i gulped in air and gave myself a good talking too. it passed. funny how what seemed so catastrophic a mere few minutes ago becomes laughable when you take a deep breath. i still couldn't find my diploma but, i'll just deal with it. my ankle still kinda hurts too - but i swallowed advil and i'll be okay tomorrow. my internal clock is still a bit off from the days off ... so, what felt like a monday all day long made me smile when i realize tomorrow is wednesday. *double score*

i hope your day got off to a better start than mine....and that you're just as excited as i am about tomorrow being wednesday. i think that calls for a couple of caramel kisses as i read my new book tonight. do something indulgent for yourself today - you deserve it.

the ice storm that wasn't

2011-01-10T09:55:00.000-06:00

so this was my weekend.....washing, a bit of fun and then waiting on the "ice storm." seriously....waiting on ice - what could be more exciting really?

now i can appreciate the value of weather forecasters but...i think it's gone a tad too far. the shelves of the local grocery were empty of bread, batteries and milk and my town had nothing. really....maybe a few ice patches from where the rain frozen in potholes or the whatnot. now to prepare for that we had three days of horror weather forecasting and schools were shut down on s.a.t.u.r.d.a.y. yes...saturday. now i understand the liability and legalese of the matter but the city went insane and the state shut down.

krazee - really (ugh, why did i type that like a 12-year-old?)

so....*shakes it off* i was mostly a weekend shut in - except for a fun bout of mexican food and bowling with friends on saturday night. the new bowling alley here has these cool lanes with leather sofas and coffee tables - so.much.fun! i hung out and chatted instead of actually bowling. we laughed so much my jaws aches. then... raise your hand if when you drive by krispy kreme and the red "hot doughnuts now" light is on your car takes matters in your own hands until you're sitting in front of that sign digging through your purse for six bucks for those hot glazed? *raises hand* and you know the bad thing, as i sat at home having one...for the first time, it didn't really taste that good. hopefully the jeep will remember that the next time.

anyway, my poor little tulips have now seen their last day. i have to go out this afternoon and see what calls my name. wherever you are, i hope monday is good to you. i hope it caresses your cheek and loves you well.

soup's on

2011-01-08T10:30:00.001-06:00

Inspired by Willow Manor

on a cold rainy day i love, love, love soup. and since last weekend was new years - i needed something to substitute for black-eyed peas (the southern good luck charm)...and as you know, since i blogstalk, i had stumbled upon life at willow manor and all of her luscious recipes. i didn't have a meaty ham bone so i adapted the recipe a bit. the original recipe is linked above, i will post my adaption below. this is one of my new favorite soups...i highly recommend it (the right on the left is my version of the soup)

ham & bean soup (inspired by life at willow manor)
1 bag dried navy beans (i think any of the white beans will do)
3 carrots diced (i wished i had used more, but they were smallish carrots)
3 ribs celery diced
1 onion diced (i'm not an onion fan so i used 1/2)
2 cloves garlic minced
1/2 tsp thyme (had to use dried - couldn't find fresh)
1/4 tsp white pepper (i used black)
1 tsp salt (i tasted first before adding a smidge - the ham was pretty salty)
1 1/2 to 2 cups diced ham (depends on your desire for lots of ham versus not so much)

directions:
prepare dried beans for cooking by following directions on the bag (i soaked mine overnight). rinse beans and put in a large stock pot. i used a combo of chicken stock and water to simmer beans but any stock you prefer would work (i think). add remaining ingredients. if you are using a ham bone, then place ham bone into the pot, (about a 7 quart size) cover with water (about 2 inches from the top), cover and simmer on stove top (the recipe instructs that you bake all combined ingredients in a 300 to 325 degree oven for about 4 hours.) check periodically and replace any water that may have cooked off. broth should be dense and beans soft.

remove ham bone and cut up any large chunks of meat, and return meat to pot. check for flavor and adjust seasonings.

totally yummy!!! i served it with fresh from the oven cheddar rolls that i picked up from fresh market but i think it would be great with either biscuits or cornbread too.

worn

2011-01-07T14:13:00.000-06:00

being back in the small town it is evadable that i run into you in the weirdest of places, usually at lunch and when i'm in a hurry. the last time i was vulnerable, whipped and hurting. today not so much. today i felt confident and happy - the sun was shining. i didn't notice you at first or maybe out of the corner of my eye i saw a ghost, i don't know.

it wasn't until i heard your voice behind me as i signed the charge slip, 'pick up for robert' that my stomach lurched. i slipped my wallet back into my purse. i didn't turn my head - that would give it away that i cared after all these years. and i tell myself i don't. not really - i don't think about you much except in the hazy, fuzzy, life used to be romantic ways. we had so many shared memories that when someone says "as you wish" or "make it so" i think you you. just like the sight of andes mints, sail boats, and moccasins remind me of you. i don't remember the bitter feelings or have that taste in my mouth until ... well today, when you didn't acknowledge me but instead watched me drive away in my blue jeep.

and as i drove away i remember thinking, 'he's so gray'.

open hearts

2011-01-06T13:45:00.001-06:00

this is one of those blogs that i've started way to many times to be coherent. i started off typing and thinking about confessions. i was thinking in confessions in terms of my word this year - acceptance. acceptance of myself exactly as i am, comfortable in my own skin. as i thought about that subject, i read a number of my daily readings - which leads me to one confession.

i probably blogstalk you. about once a month i look at who you are reading and click on the ones that strike my fancy as you go down your reading list.

but i digress (as usual) - in doing that this morning, i found myself being sent messages. some so strong and loud that they were jumping off the page at me - demanding my attention. the three that spoke the loudest were:

"few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own heart." - albert einstein

"only through the heart can you touch the sky." - rumi

"follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls." - joseph campbell

well, thank you very much universe *puts hands on my hips* now do you plan on giving me a roadmap or is that something i have to figure out for myself. yes, i realize that is a retortical question. i think in accepting who i am this year, i have to confess that i've closed myself off to chasing some of my bliss (if you will) in tellng myself to be sensible and responsible...

confession #2 - when i typed "sensible and responsible" just now i started singing "larger than life" by the backstreet boys. and you know what...i'm not ashamed that i like the backstreet boys. it's like eating a soft gooey caramel - probably not that good for you, but man does it make you feel good at the time.

so....get ready heart - it looks like i need to be opening you a bit wider. i've been peeping through windows and around doors.

hover

2011-01-05T07:12:00.001-06:00

the week between christmas and new year's day the world seems to hover in limbo, waiting to spring forward. then the new year begins and there seems to be a rushed frenzy, a relief that we turn the page and move along. and it's funny the difference a day can make.

even i did that this year - the waiting for the bad ju-ju of '10 and embracing the powerful '11. i want to hold it fragile like a tiny baby bird, afraid to let if fly not knowing if it will crash or go safely into the blue. but...i know like any momma bird that i do have to let it go regardless. all hovering ... banished now.

i bought flowers on saturday, going out into the stormy weather. they're pink and fresh - reminding me that spring will be here before you know it. i look at the cold weather and repeat that to myself. "spring will be here soon. so soon"

for the next three days i'm in charge at work. a bad situation happened and as we move forward past that, we have come to the place where we can smile about. i will say she is handling the whole thing with more grace and dignity than i could. a beautiful example of what faith can do for you.

i hope your year is off to a good start. i think mine is. it was quiet and very low key. quiet on the cusp of the year, comforting and cozy soup making on the new day, full of fun and adventures on sunday....and in the words of the song, "and i'm feeling good...."

my year of photographs...

2011-01-01T14:45:00.001-06:00

these are a few of my favorites....from january to december 2010

january

february

march

april

may

june

july

august

september

october

november

december

acceptance and the obligatory new years post....(# 700)

2010-12-30T15:16:00.003-06:00

totally cute from: YeeHaw (on etsy)

as i end this year...this 2010...i wanted to say first that i am grateful for each of you with me. the talkers, the listeners, the headnodders and "uh-huh"ers. whether you say something or not, i'm grateful that you entered my little world. i do love you like biscuits and gravy - and for a southern gal that's a heck of a lot!! xo

as 2010 winds down and we anticipate 2011 - i wish you all peace and joy and hope you find what you're wishing for in the new year. and as you are searching - i wish you comfort and rest, because sometimes the journey is hard - i wish you trampolines and sidecars, because sometimes the journey is slow - i wish you lemonade and tea cookies, because sometimes the journey is taxing and exhausting - and i wish you dandelion seeds and balloons, because sometimes, when we're lucky and try really hard, the journey is fun and happy.

for me...well, it’s been a rough three years…that is no joke folks. and i could probably add to that it’s been a rough four years. mom’s illness, mom’s dead, the loss of a career, the finding my footing in another career. the last few years have tried to put their stamp on me. and I say that not out the “poor me” aspect….though there were times that i have whined, “why me…why can’t life just be easy for once?” but, then again, i find that I’m most challenged and satisfied when I have to make my own way. when I’m not doing that, i find that i’m bored and complacent. *shrugs* maybe it’s the way i’ve programmed my life….maybe it’s too hard to change that now.

2010 was about that recovery. pulling myself up by the bootstraps kindly handed to me by an old friend and the dedication of my life to learning a new career, in a new setting, with a new cast of co-workers. and as i look back over the year i have floundered. due to circumstances out of my control -- i feel as though nothing much was accomplished. this is a difficult feeling - while acknowledging that it was out of my control, it still felt like a strike out. so...what will 2011 be about?

that leads me to "my" word. just a few letters, keystrokes…. a word that everyone has to for themselves. should I be a follower? do what the cool kids are doing? in the past when I’ve picked a word, that word has a bad habit of taunting me – being elusive and difficult to reconcile. so…”believe”, “soar” --- words like that are not good matches for me. i think i might be a bit too practical and a shade too pragmatic for the magical words (though I really want to believe in magic…yes, I do) therefore my word this year is acceptance. accepting my life “as is” and that changes to that are made through hard work and dedication to the “something” instead of just the hoping and dreaming. (walk the talk)

say it with me....ahhhh-ceptance....(emphasis on the "ahhhhhhhhhhh" i hope)

dc on the quick

2010-12-28T21:30:00.000-06:00

two weeks ago, i was in dc for a series of meetings about health information technology and exchange - oooh, sounds fancy and boring right? *smile* due to the thin southern blood i have, the length of the meetings, and the bone chilling dc weather - my photography ops were rather thin.... here are the few i got.

you know, 6:00 a.m is pretty early in the morning if you ask me

the view from 13A (i usually pick this row so superstitious people will leave the row empty - you would be surprised how often i have a row to myself)

breakfast at old ebbitt's (?) grill (daughter and niece of my co-worker)

looks like they were ready to go somewhere - see the snipers on the roof??? sorta scary!

the white house christmas tree - in the gray, flat light of the morning

later that day the clouds cleared and the wind howled...i decided not to wait to go up

waiting to hail a taxi - the view was beautiful

one of the days was an "un-meeting" - very new-agey and unstructured. i learned to attend sessions as either a convener (leader), member, butterfly or bumblebee. i also learned about the law of two feet. very empowering in some ways and very....weird. it was great to open dialogue but not so great in knowing what was going on in other groups.

kay-kay smiled no matter what - taylor on the other hand was rather miserable due to the cold. i think i looked that way too. this also was their second day without luggage so that added to the misery - the luggage was delivered later that day.

waiting on a taxi to get to reagan airport - the roads were slush and taxis were hard to come by

i worried that the flights wouldn't make it out - turns out mine was the only one that did on time. another reason i prefer usairways to other airlines.

here comes the.....bride?

2010-12-27T11:03:00.000-06:00

as i've said before, i rarely remember my dreams so when i do you can believe they will have some sort of message for me. sunday morning i woke up laughing...laughing so hard that i woke me up. i'm rather of the jungian school of thought on dreams in that i think they are a way for us to work through whatever issues that need to be resolved in our life and are largely symbolic.

the dream...

i was at lunch with some faceless friends, one of which turned out to be intuitiative. as we were chatting amongst the group i described a vision of a single woman laying on a chaise and asked what it meant. the friend (female) said to me 'stay calm, it will all work out.' then we chatted and laughed some more while sharing the meal when the friend again turned to me and asked, 'do you want to know the date of your wedding?' i nodded, clearly skeptical. she said, 'june 16, 2011 - that is the date.' i laughed outloud and shook my head. 'no way - no way - there is not even a prospect out there. i'm not dating, nothing.' the friend smiled and nodded her head. then she said, 'i'm just sayin' that is the date. do with it what you will.'

i awoke laughing but clearly remembering the entire dream. the first part was easy - that was a message to myself that in the midst of chaos - things will work out. i remind myself that only 15% of everything is in my control and that i need to deal with that. the other 85% i need to make sure that i deal with what impacts me and then let the other go. but the wedding thing threw me for a loop. i couldn't figure it out. so, i consulted the trusty internet dream dictionary....this is what it says (as close as to the situation i'm describing): To dream that you are planning a wedding to someone you never met, is a metaphor symbolizing the union of your masculine and feminine side. It represents a transitional phase where you are seeking some sort of balance between your aggressive side and emotional side. The dream may also indicate that two previously conflicting aspects are merging together as one.

it makes sense as i am in a transitional place, trying to marrying together the new and old pieces of my job given the changes that have take place in the last few weeks. it also works out that one side is very aggressive and uncertain, while the other side there is calm of knowing what is happening. but i wonder about the date - the very specific date. is it that i think it will take a while for it to work out? i cannot think of another reason that the date would be significant.

when it's all said and done...

2010-12-26T16:22:00.000-06:00

it's over so quickly it seems. oh, i know the consumerism is a slow build up and the hunt for the hot toy seems impossible, but when it comes down to the basic wonderful things about the holiday, they flee too fast. like quicksilver through our fingers and motes that float away on a sunbeam.

like another friend, i'm stopped taking a lot of family photos during different events because, well, it felt as though i was observing instead of participating. and with time fleeting so very fast, i wanted to tight to the moments as they happened. but i will admit there were times that i wished i had the camera in my hands during the night. another reason i've put the camera down is most of the events lately have taken place at night and i really dislike fiddling with the flash attachment. (an excuse....sort of)

but this moment had to be recorded as gigi pretended to take a bit of her gingerbread house. this girl is a hoot and was hyped up with the promise of presents and sugar - - not necessarily in that order. she's been such a fan of my camera that i bought her a camera for christmas....so did her mom and dad and another aunt. a quick swap with santa (aren't i lucky?) netted me a blizzard maker instead for her. her sweet sister loved the dress-up clothes and she flitted through the house wearing her fairy wings. the boys loved the cash -- of course the difference in ages means they no longer get toys. *pouty lip*

the cold weather has put me into a cooking frenzy. so far i've made hash brown casserole (for our dinner), santa fe soup (for comfort) and shrimp and grits (for yumminess). if i had any room left, i would seriously consider a pound cake....however, there is some red velvet cake that still has my name on it. snow flurries have fluttered all day - my brother was stir crazy enough to go out to the woods. me? i've been in my jammies and have considered naps today. perhaps now?

i hope you had a beautiful christmas. mine was low key and perfect.

hope

2010-12-22T08:47:00.000-06:00

hope is such a simple but beautiful word. it is the essence of all things wanted, wished, and cherished. it is an anchor in a storm and peace when in tormoil. it is looking fear straight in the eye and still having something to hold on to.

it is a gift.

in this blessed season, i wish for each of you to have peace, beauty, calm, love and yes, a bit of magic and seeing the holiday through the eyes of a child, the wisdom of the elders, and the joy in a warm heart.

i know i will be around later this week, but i like sending my wishes out a few days early so by the time the big day gets here, that i will be feeling some of the same things. xoxo

the explanation

2010-12-20T20:41:00.000-06:00

words cannot begin to explain the past few weeks. images come to me in bursts of color and then shatter into shards of negative images of the previous colors. it is up. it is down. it is 180 degrees in another direction. suffice to say, life has been difficult lately. in the past sixty days i've changed offices twice, been to dc and back, sat in all day meetings, worried, fretted, cried and sometimes laughed. the best i can say is personally life is okay - i'm maintaining an even strain....work on the other hand has been terribly stressful and wearing. it goes to show you that life can change on a dime - as someone told me last week, "life is hard, suck it up." last week it was tears and worry - this week, i found my inner core again and am re-building after coming home to an office moved without my input, my unit's secretary taken without explanation, the entire agency network with a horrible virus leaving us no access to files, deadlines that are insane...and yes i could go on. the office i moved into was apparently last occupied by pigs with the cubicle walls dirty, footprints on the wall beneath my window sill (apparently they sat talking with their feet propped up on the sill while staring out the window), and for some reason i cannot fathom - my top drawer is lied with black pepper. *shrugs* and...the thing is i really dislike it when i whine. i do....but today as i unpacked boxes (don't get me started on how someone when through my personal belongings in my office which had access to my social security number and amex bills.) i would just get overwhelmed and would just stare off into space.

dc was insanely cold - the day i planned for sightseeing was eaten up by airport delays. the next day i got to walk by the white house christmas tree on the way to meetings. i did get to the holocaust museum (wow - powerful) and walked by the washington monument. at that point the wind was blowing so hard that i didn't go up - i don't do well with the swaying. the rest of the meetings were inside from 8:00 until 5:00 or 6:00 then to my hotel room to deal with office e-mails and such. the last day i sat in the airport and prayed the snow did not stop me from getting home.

i shuffled back to work not knowing where my office was and without a key.....friday was not pretty. this weekend i finally got to shop for christmas...luckily with a smaller family i only have two more presents to buy. in fact, i may go to target after this typing - i have missed you guys terribly.

good things that have happened since i talked last....my oldest niece had a wonderful birthday party, complete with santa. i got home to my own bed and have slept like a log. i finally read "the girl with the dragon tattoo" (giving into peer 'book' pressure) christmas is this week and all of my family are safe, warm and healthy - that is the biggest blessing of them all. if i haven't said it...i missed you guys. i think it took me this long to write because i just couldn't put it into words until tonight.

i hope you all are safe, warm and healthy too. i can't wait to see what you've been up to....(the few pictures i took in dc will be up soon)

crazy, insane and other related stuffs

2010-12-12T21:49:00.000-06:00

it was a crazy week at work...as it approaches the holidays and a new governor...life at work is insane. i've taken pictures of my niece's birthday and immediately had to leave for dc. after a 5 hour layover in charlotte, i'm safely in my hotel room. of course it was dark when i got here so hopefully pictures tomorrow!

hope you all are doing well....

xo

c-PoW

2010-12-07T09:17:00.000-06:00

if i had a jersey shore kind of nickname, i would want something really cool like cPOW or something like that. i wouldn't want to be stuck with a lame nick like ... say snarkie the like. i don't know why that popped into my brain right now, except i'm running on four hours of sleep and for some reason the sound of "JWoW" is on a loop. it just kinda rolls off the tongue and echoes. see...you can't stop it. it's really weird.

last night/this morning i took my nephew to the local 'game stop'. as an avid wow play (that's world of warcraft to the tragically unhip like me) and the new release came out at midnight. actually it was a lot of fun - we drove out there - talking and laughing all the way. he was able to be one of the 'normal' out of the bunch as he was not dressed up or talking about role play as he was standing in line. he got his game and though he's 16 now, he reminded me of when he was little and was happy with a new toy. *sound of my heart melting* he even got a cool poster for his younger brother. that's a good kid.

the weekend was spent in mostly family related activities - babysitting and a birthday dinner. and now, here i am back at work. i did buy a christmas tree on sunday morning and plan on putting it up this week. when i do that, it will be my first christmas tree in over 10 years. it will be like opening my ornaments up new.

next week i get to escape to d.c. for a few days - i'm excited as i'm flying in early enough to get to the smithsonian for a few hours. national portrait gallery here i come! the remaining days will be spent in endless meetings but for a bright and shining sunday afternoon, i will be lost among the best and most artistic....and i can't wait. (of course my camera is taking this trip!)

getting the groove

2010-12-03T13:16:00.001-06:00

hello all - wow, after the month of writing every day i needed a break. also, i had felt bad all week with a little malaise of some sort but i woke up today and it seemed a little brighter, a little happier, and a little better. isn't it weird how sometimes our bodies just take what it needs and if you don't give over to it, it will take it from you. i think i wasn't listening so matters were taken out of my hands. as a reward, i get to wake up on a friday in a fantastic mood and enjoying this gorgeous weather.

as they get ready for the christmas tree lighting ceremony tonight, i ponder my own christmas plans. i'm also thinking about christmas as santa paid my agency a visit today. each year santa visits as the agency usually sponsors 8-10 familes that would not have a christmas. it is so beautiful to see as everyone pulls together to make these families happy.

what is funny after a month of very structured posts, i feel almost adrift on what to write here. i haven't taken many photographs due to the work load and early nightfall but i am excited about picking up the camera again, something i haven't felt in about six months. in fact i feel almost as if i've come out of a fog/funk/coma that has lasted about six months. it wasn't the bad mood sort of funk, but instead the....what the heck am i doing with the rest of my life sorta funk....if that makes any sense whatever. anyway....who cares - today is so darn beautiful that i want run up and down the street yelling at everyone to just sit back and look how blue the sky is, and aren't we blessed to have all of these gorgeous white marble buildings, and could you as for a better day to have a christmas parade? it's cool enough to enjoy a chill but not so cold that the marchers will be miserable.

today on my ipod - all i want (toad the wet sprocket), angel eyes (jeff healey band), angel flying too close to the ground (willie nelson), king of wishful thinking (go west), she talks to angels (the black crows), don't pull your love (hamilton, joe frank & reynolds), stuck in a moment (u2), bleeding love (leona lewis), the man that would be santa (vertical horizon)

comfort (30/30)

2010-11-30T10:32:00.000-06:00

as i sit in my office on the last day of this month of gratitude the i-pod is playing the dixie chick's cover of "landslide" and the wind is blowing blustery last gasps of fall weather. the colored leaves have about disappeared and we're left with the stragglers that are quickly fading away into browns and grays. where our northern friends have beautiful fluffy blankets of white - we here are faced with the browns, taupes and grays of winter. christmas is in 25 days and the new year is in 31. overwhelming in many ways.

of all the seasons, winter is not my favorite...it's cold and damp and though i love that the coldness allows the flowers to bloom in the spring and takes care of a rather large bug population, it leaves me feeling a bit isolated and alone. but maybe that is its purpose - to allow us to feel those feelings so when we are with friends and family that we appreciate their company? i tend to think in looking at both sides of the coin, the half full, yet half empty glass. i'm not so much oppotomistic as i'm practical and firmly convinced that worry will not change anything.

i wanted a big bang to finish up this month...but it seems that i'm going with a whimper - - - sorta. so as the fall slips into winter and november slips into december, i will remember too that all downs are accompanied by ups. today i'm grateful for warm beds, good coffee and things that comfort.

today's gratitude - on this day, i'm grateful for blankets, wooly socks, coffee and tea, comfort, beds with fluffy comforters and soft pillows. i'm grateful big picture windows that allow me to see the beauty that surrounds me, even when it's gray and brown. and i'm grateful that i know cold winds will bring bright sunshine and warm weather in the spring.

today on my i-pod - landslide (dixie chicks cover), thank you (dido), i feel the earth move (carole king), have i told you lately (van morrision), champagne supernova (oasis), i wonder (chris isaak)

laughter (29/30)

2010-11-29T14:54:00.000-06:00

there is no better sound in the world than the sound of children laughing. none. i swear. you can quote me... oh wait, many people have said that.

but...when you hear children laughing - how can things be wrong? well, unless they're laughing at you...am i right?

last night i took the oldest niece to see "tangled" and we had a good time. the movie was a treat - well written and the artwork is always amazing with disney. so detailed. though some of the subject matter was a bit over the head of a five year old (about to be six - eek!) i think it was great that big lessons such as sacrifice and honor were being taught through this medium. and it also teaches well that "bad people" are not always in ugly packages. so, thumbs up from me and GA.

today's gratitude - i'm grateful that i can laugh - not only at something funny, but at myself when i mess up. i'm grateful for having friends and family that make me laugh and who light up the room with their smiles.

being authentic (28/30)

2010-11-28T23:43:00.001-06:00

as i struggle through the last of the gratitude month, i have thought a lot about topics to post after thanksgiving. as with any project, the beginning is full of promise, the middle is dedication and dutiful, and the ending is usually rather sad and sometimes a let down. i tend not to pretty things up and believe in an authentic voice. when i'm up - you know it. when i'm down - you probably know that too or sense that when i'm not around.

and what i need to let you know that i appreciate you letting me be authentic. that you read even when i'm struggling with anger, sadness, confusion...i appreciate that friendship and closeness that develops after what, three years for some of you guys...perhaps longer for a few. another reason i've been pondering the "authentic" is going to see the leibovitz exhibit at the museum this weekend.

i've been a leibovitz fan for a while - even though some would argue that she just "clicks" the camera now instead of doing all the things that we as struggling photographers do (dress the set, pose, light, process, etc.) i was completely engulfed by the exhibit, "women." susan sontag authored the book that accompanied the exhibit, but the portraits truly stand alone. powerful, evocative, heartbreaking, and united by being female in all the various forms. powerful women, unknown women, athletes, workers, artists, mothers, daughters...the gamut. a celebration of the female...and the real. while some would argue that the famous were portrayed in a more flattering light i would argue that they were treated the same - it's just that the famous are probably more used to being photographed. blthye danner is not afraid to show her crowfeet. but, the thing that stuck me most is that i doubt photoshop was used. there were women with bruises, freckles, wrinkles, chin hair, pretty, not so pretty, muscular, skinny, overweight, pot bellies, jiggly underarms, smooth skinned, oily skin, dry skin. they were women. and i didn't judge them on their beauty - what i was struck by was the statement each of them made in their photograph.

i wanted to pull up a chair and sit and stare at each of the portrait for hours. i wanted to crawl inside leibovitz's brain and suck up all the thoughts and ideas she had as she approproached the subjects. looking at the framing and the composition - i heard instructors in the back of my head and then watched as leibovitz broke those rules (don't put someone in the middle of the frame, don't have such a shallow dof that the ears are not in focus, smooth out the skin so the chin hairs don't show...)

the artist allowed the subject to be authentic. you allow me to be authentic. you are artists - you see the beauty even when it may be in different packages...and for that i am grateful.

today's gratitude - i'm grateful for each of my friends that take the time out of their day to read this little bit of my life. that support and guide me through my tough times. that laugh with me when i need it and also hold my hand when i need it. i could never say thank you enough.

today on my ipod - nothing really because i've been running to meetings all day....but, if i could - i would be listening to scratchy french records (circa 1940s) .... and would maybe be sipping on some tea because it's drizzling rain outside and looks very cold and dreary (even though it's only in the 50s.)

the art of longing (27/30)

2010-11-27T18:25:00.000-06:00

there is an art to longing ... my friend mellie and i have discussed this. longing is something different than the regular dreaming. it takes on a life of its own and can move towards an ache - either in the heart or the stomach when we long for too long. longing is the shy-er cousin of dreaming. where dreaming are those things we hope for and work to make true... longing are those dreams that we dare not make come true. they are the secret wishes of something that can swept us away from the life we are leading.

i long for things that i can't whisper to myself (except in the dark of my room, late...late...late at night). the dreams of say - taking off for a trip around the world with just my camera, a few books and whatever else an intrepid modern day margaret bourke white might carry in her backpack. longings are the things that i feel that i've grown too responsible for...to old to do ... or too poor. and (pish...pish) i know if that was truly a dream i would fight to make it happen. so is longing a fear....or a crutch?

i say no... i say that longing in this way is a way to allow ourselves to take magical adventures. a way to take the dreams we have for a test drive before planning the plans of action. when dreams manifest, you can bet longing had a hand in that manifestation. longing is the beginning of the promise that dreams urge you to keep. promises that you are scared to hope for....promises that secretly nudge at you until hope finally wins. do you long? do you laugh them away? does longing make you feel as though you settled? longing makes me feel alive and as long as i yearn, i know that i will continue to dream. and as long as i dream...i'm alive.

today's gratitude - i am thankful for the ability to long - to yearn - to dream magical dreams. and as i long, i take the time make plans for dreams to become actions. longing allows my practical side to take flight and roam free. it is a beautiful time.

today on my i-pod - fly me courageous (drivin' n cryin'), desire (u2), here comes the sun (the beatles), building a mystery (sarah mclachlan), i wonder (chris isaak), beautiful (india arie)

the aftermath (26/30)

2010-11-26T13:35:00.002-06:00

today was about the clearing away of thanksgiving and paving the way for the next holiday - christmas around the corner. and as i move from the last of my gratitude blogs - i want to make sure that this exercise is making the course corrections that i intend it to make. to examine things - both big and small and to be thankful. for all of it - the good and bad/happy and sad/ups and downs... because it all part of being human. and yes, this always makes me think of it. so as i move forward into the new month next week - i think of the aftermath of this month. i like it. just as i like the clearing away after good times together. i'm old enough and set in my ways that i adore everyone together and i adore the quiet after. *smile*

i use the day to recuperate and relax - the football game is on this afternoon. you know that one where the elephant will probably eating a lot of crow because tiger meat will not be available (alabama vs. auburn for those not familiar with the mascots). i won't watch the game - i will know the results by the moans and groans of my brother watching on the flat screen. this has not been alabama's year.

today's gratitude - having a clean house today to enjoy and relax in this afternoon. the candles burning bright against the gray, sullen day. the memories of the holiday and the planning for the christmas season. now that the turkey has had his due, it's time for the christmas season. now i gather my thoughts about a tree, presents and events at work. it is a good time for the aftermath.

today on my i-pod (extended holiday version) - girl you'll be a woman soon (urge overkill cover), caramel (suzanne vega), son of a preacher man (dusty springfield), angel mine (cowboy junkies), hello it's me (todd rundgren), it's probably me (sting), rebecca (pat mcgee band), easy tonight (five for fighting), the weight (the band), i say a little prayer for you (aretha franklin), he went to paris (jimmy buffet), lover's cross (jim croce), broken (peter searcy), hallelujah (jeff buckley)

abundance (25/30)

2010-11-25T23:12:00.000-06:00

i have a life of abundance - no, i'm not a real housewife or anything but i'm so blessed with family and friends that i really couldn't ask for more. okay - i confess, i could as for more, but it's a short list. like a true love. or maybe i could add a couple more true loves for my sister and one of my brothers (the other is quite happy with his true love.)

but all things considered...that is not such a bad thing really. and, when it gets down to it - we should all have at least one true love, the love of self. so anyway - that list not being fulfilled at the moment - i'm pretty damn happy with my life as it is currently.

so, thanksgiving - and yes, i am so very thankful. for all there is in my life - for the air i breathe, the job, the family, friends, a creative outlet, relatively good health, and the list goes on....

and tonight as we were eating the dinner we prepared together - there were more things that washed over me - the laughter of nieces, the deep voices of my nephews as they grow up, the closeness of my family, friends that are like family, good food, equally good company. that's a lot of gratitude from this girl.

rain (24/30)

2010-11-24T22:12:00.000-06:00

rain makes the flowers grow which in turn gives us beauty to sustain us through the dark times....like fall. though this shot was taken on a beautiful sunny day, on dreary days like today - i remind myself that rain falls for a reason...to nourish, to wash away...to allow introspection or maybe just the sleepy morning.

today was spent preparing for tomorrow. items were picked up, cleaning was done and the cooking has begun. rain didn't stop us but allowed me the time to sit and make silly place cards for the table. tomorrow is the time to gather.

as i prepare, i think about family and friends...and of course friends that seem like family. they are like the rain - they nourish, heal...refresh - all wonderful things. and when you need it - they allow introspection.

today's gratitude - i'm thankful for the cooler weather and rain...they make it seem like the holidays instead of the almost summer like weather we've been having with temperatures in the 80's. i'm grateful for the rain that washes away the dust and dirt, leaving us with drenched reds and golds. i count my blessings.

and to all of you...i hope you have the most beautiful of holidays - filled with joyous things that bring you peace, love and joy

anticipation (23/30)

2010-11-23T21:45:00.000-06:00

sometimes the anticipation is better than the actual gift. sometimes the gift is much better than you expected to receive. sometimes it seems as though it will never arrive. sometimes it arrives way too fast.

today gratitude - as i prepare for the holiday, i am grateful to have the joyful anticipation of getting together with family and friends that are like family.

impossible things (22/30)

2010-11-22T15:06:00.000-06:00

i watched alice in wonderland this weekend and agree, tim burton was genius in his treatment of this movie. this old shot of mine reminds me of alice and how she plunges into the unknown - sometimes purposefully and then sometimes because she has no other choice. isn't that a great story for how we live our lives too? there is always so much that is unknown in our lives and for all the planning we like to do, the education we seek and, even for all my lists - there is never much suriety in our lives. probably why we seek so much of it instead of fully embracing the unknown. right? or that is my thought about. one of the things that i love in the movie....(close your eyes if you don't like spoilers ...)

i'll wait for you....come back tomorrow if you don't want to know...really - it's cool with me.

okay - don't say i didn't warn you though. if you read on, then i'm thinking you're okay with knowing part of the movie (if you haven't seen it yet).... *taps foots while you debate if you're sure*

*whew* anyway - my favorite part is at the end when she kills the jabberwock and how she preps herself for that victory (don't you just love the word, victory?). she convinces herself of impossible things every day - that she can turn an impossible situation into a victory.

today's gratitude - i'm thankful for my skills that i put to use in seemingly impossible tasks to pave a road for the victories in my life. i'm also grateful for the impossible tasks to prove that i can climb mountains and overcome "big deals" and have the self confidence to do these things. and when it seems dark and i know that i "can't" that maybe i can channel alice and believe six impossible things today.

today on my i-pod - pink moon (nick drake), harvest moon (neil young), your body is a wonderland (john mayer), the remedy (jason mraz)

roofs (21/30)

2010-11-21T14:40:00.000-06:00

this morning i lay in the bed, trying to convince myself to get up and get to the grocery before the crowd got there. as i laid there i heard the tiny acorns hitting the roof with a steady pattern interplayed from time to time with branches that the winds blows loose from the many trees we have surrounding us. chinaberry trees whose delicate leaves rain down each time the wind rustles. oak trees that give up their russet leaves a bit stringently at first and then as the days grow short, dump a constant ground cover to rake. and finally the fiery leaves of the dogwood and crape myrtle trees, who are as spectacular in the fall as they are in the spring and summer. and i think how lucky i am that i have a roof over my head that i do not have to worry about.

today's gratitude - i am thankful for that roof that keeps me protected and safe. whens the winds blow, the rain comes and the cold weather persists - that roof is there for me. i don't have to worry where i will be to be protected - it's just there. there are so many people in this world that do not have protection or safety and there for the grace of god, could be me. there is much to be grateful over this year and this is just one of the things.

today on my i-pod - the galway girl (sharon shannon), these are the days (van morrison), dance with me (orleans), take it to the limit (the eagles), iris (the goo-goo dolls), halo (beyonce)

convenience (20/30)

2010-11-20T14:27:00.000-06:00

we live in a fast paced world these days - ones of our own making. we fill our days with "musts" and "haftas" and the like - feeling guilty when we are not able to live up to expectations. we treat our lives too often as disposable and if we don't like something then we ditch it and try something else - marriages, jobs and myriad of other things. who cares - there is always something to replace that right? we live a life of convenience - where too often the trouble it takes to check in with someone is not worth the effort. *sigh* and often, i'm grateful for that convenience - where i can hop in the car and buy something quickly, never thinking of the little time it would take giving from the heart instead of the pocketbook (does anyone say pocketbook anymore?)

today's gratitude - though i'm grateful for the convenience i have to live my life to my expectations, i'm also grateful that i recognize this and am trying to live "slower" with more deliberance and gratitude about what is not convenient. like the time it takes to cook a meal instead of buying a meal, the time it takes to make cookies for the cookie swap, the sitting down to write a handwritten letter to a soldier. this year, as i'm trying to put more "service" into my life - let me also be grateful for the ease i have in my life. there are many that are not as lucky as i am and wish they could overcome their hardships to have a better life. let me be truly grateful for that and the roles of others that have contributed to that for me.

today on my i-pod - hanging by a moment (lifehouse), breakin' me (jonny lang), runaway train (soul asylum), save me (aimee mann), feeling good (nina simone), let's stay together (al green)

lists (19/30)

2010-11-19T13:57:00.000-06:00

it's no secret...i'm a listmaker. in fact i have a favorite thing to make lists on...3x5 cards. they are the perfect size to fit in my back pocket. i always have a packet in my deck along with a fine point sharpie - clear and concise.

this weekend i will making lists for the holiday - a grocery list, a menu, a list of who is doing what and when. pick up the turkey and ham, pick up the cakes, get a card table....all the things that make the holiday fun instead of work. i like my lists.

today's gratitude - as i prepare for the holidays, i'm grateful for the time to plan and enjoy. the joy that we have in doing for others and the ability to relax enough not to make it work. and i'm grateful for my lists.

books (18/30)

2010-11-18T10:56:00.000-06:00

today's gratitude - there are many worlds in books - many places to visit and tarry a while...many things to learn...many things to relate to as we go through our lives. i'm forever grateful to parents that encouraged me to read, to teachers that give me the ability to take these journeys and to authors that carry me along as i travel down their roads.

i'm grateful for libraries that have continued to give the gift of reading to all that take that opportunity. some of my fondest memories of childhood were spent at the local library as i explored the world of nancy drew, the hardy boys and was inspired by biographies of great leaders.

today on my i-pod - the glee albums on repeat.

frivalous things (17/30)

2010-11-17T10:33:00.000-06:00

as the month of gratitude reaches the mid-point i often find myself reaching for things to express gratitude about. not because i don't have much to be grateful about but instead, you start second guessing yourself or thinking that it sounds silly to be grateful for things like ... coffee, the perfect lip gloss or comfortable shoes. but face it - after we name the big things like love, family, health, happiness and the big ticket items, what are we left with but things that bring us comfort and some modicum of joy in our lives. or is that just me (please don't say it is)

today's gratitude - just like tiny things last week. this week i am grateful for things that bring a sense of comfort to my life - a pillow top mattress and my dwell studio comforter (from target), good coffee (yum - dunkin donuts), and comfortable shoes (sketchers). because if i don't have enough sleep, caffeine and happy feet i'm rather a grumpy grump. and i also realize that i'm rather blessed to have these things. now, about that lip gloss - it's not a necessity, but it just makes me feel good - my latest crush is the 'buxom' lip gloss from bare essentials. i don't think that it really makes my lips fuller - but i love that minty cool feeling it gives my lips. it also seems to fulfill my ridic habit of carrying around two tubes of lipstick and however many lipglosses - maybe i'm preparing for an upcoming kissing surplus? (don't i wish! ha!)

today on my i-pod - songbird (eva cassidy), rihannon (fleetwood mac), landslide (the dixie chicks), silver springs (fleetwood mac), gold dust woman (covered by sister hazel)

taking charge (16/30)

2010-11-16T09:09:00.000-06:00

matisse said that "creativity takes courage". now i don't know if that is completely true or not, but i think creativity takes commitment and a good amount of time and energy (C=t+e2 perhaps?) without those elements my creativity seems to flounder. lately i haven't had much time or energy and as a result, my creativity muse seems to have taken a hike. i know that i never felt like a better photographer than when i was without a job...it seems that different talents ebb and flow as they are needed...or is that channeled.

this year my sister and i have declared that we are taking back thanksgiving. in the past three years we've been going to the country club as it was easier than coping with missing family members, but it's time now to rebuild those memories for the generations to follow. i find myself excited about going shopping this weekend and thinking of making dressing while i watch the parade thursday morning. it brings happy smiles to my day.

today's gratitude - having the memories to share with my nieces and nephews and making the new memories for them to carry forward. though i may not be with them forever, they will carry my memory forward, just as they do with their grandparents and loved ones.

today on my i-pod - lay lady lay (bob dylan), i'm like a bird (nellie furtado), feels like home (chantal k....i never can spell her name right), days like this (van morrison)

bounty (15/30)

2010-11-15T08:44:00.001-06:00

as fresh dwindles down to the root vegetables and squash, i feel an ache knowing it will be next summer before i get to dive into the joy that is fresh vegetables and fruit. i'm lucky to live in a largely agricultural state where many veggies are plentiful and oh so wonderful. we are also lucky to have a long growing season.

today's gratitude - fresh vegetables and the abundanace that comes to my table from right were i live. as i prepare for the holiday next week, i'm grateful to feed my family as we come together to celebrate. and this gives me something to look forward to in the coming months - the anticipation of next summer's treasures of butterbeans, peas and okra.

today on my i-pod - interstate love song (stone temple pilots), 1979 (smashing pumpkins), hard to handle (black crows), all for you (sister hazel), push (matchbox twenty), time (hootie & the blowfish), clumsy (our lady peace), knocking on heaven's door (bob dylan)

color (14/30)

2010-11-14T22:35:00.000-06:00

today's gratitude: nature's paintbrush and fall color. today i took a drive along highway 9 and highway 49 to mount cheaha, alabama's highest point. though overcast and gray at the peak, i would enthralled with the golds and reds along the way.

sleep (13/30)

2010-11-13T15:51:00.000-06:00

last night sleep eluded me...it was the bed, it was staying up late, it was being excited...it was so many things. my sister and i took a little weekend getaway to birmingham to see a friend play (see 12/30) and then wanted to get a bit of shopping in. i took my camera with full intentions to get in some local seasonal color, but time just slipped away because i slept in (after falling asleep about 3:00 a.m.)

so...despite all good intentions, you get the spring shot of this beautiful garden instead of the fall shot. see what a little excitement can do for you? *smile*

toaay's gratitude: i am grateful for sleep, especially when it eludes me. i love the comfort of waking up refreshed and happy on weekends. and though i started off on the wrong foot, i'm also grateful for a great weekend with wonderful company....i learned the ins and outs of being a wing-girl for a male friend and laughed at his dilemmas as four women vied for his attention. the mysteries of dating, right? *smile*

today on my i-pod: a running soundtrack of 80's music as we shopped - laughing with how ridiculous we sounded as we sang along to the songs....and, also our silly, silly jokes about "no gas for you"

music (12/30)

2010-11-12T15:41:00.000-06:00

a few years ago i went to a concert and met a musician's wife. we became fast friends and as a result of that friendship, i helped with fan relations and sold merchandise for him - we also became friends. over the years we've remained friends and i'm still a great fan of his music...it has been a while since i've seen him perform and if you can tell my playlist, i think he's insanely talented. his name is angie aparo.

working with angie's team was great fun and through him, another friend has gone on and become deeply involved in the music industry. the world of music is a weird little world when you pull back the curtain. they work so hard and it's really almost serendipitous when they make their way. it also chews people up and spits them out due to the quick turns and twists the public take. we tease amongst ourselves that it pulls the curtain back from the wizard when you're a fan. you learn that heroes are human. that being said, if you're ever able to hear angie, i encourage you to do it - it's crazy how amazing his voice is.

but...he's not my gratitude today...music is. today's gratitude: music is one of those things that gets me through the days and it suits my every mood. it inspires me, lifts me up...it soothes me, comforts me and keeps me great company. music of every kind...and yes, i have my favorites and my not so favorites. lately, i've learned to eat my words about a lot of stuff that i never thought i would like....and i try to listen with open ears. i always give you my list....what's yours' this week?

today on my i-pod: cry, hush, gravity, hard woman to love, child you're the revolution, the american, free man, seed, caroline, american teenage tale, wonderland (originals by angie) and then some of my favorite covers that he performs -- rocketman/space oddity, fight for your right, midnight rider.

service (11/30)

2010-11-11T15:20:00.007-06:00

in honor of all that have offered or given their lives for my freedom

thank you. words cannot express my gratitude.

tiny things (10/30)

2010-11-10T11:42:00.000-06:00

this photo has nothing to do with my gratitude for the day... i just think it's adorable. that's the aunt's privilege, right? *smile* but she does fit into my list of tiny things to be grateful for ....

today's gratitude - there are so many tiny things to be grateful about, i will do a catch all of the currents that i'm grateful for ... a good week, gorgeous weather, good health, happy siblings, and the discovery of dunkin donuts coffee. the colors of fall apples and pumpkins and the wispy marestail clouds that freckled my bright blue sky - they turned into gorgeous reds as the sun sank on a good day. homemade hamburgers with cheese and pickles served with ice cold soda and chips. and a day tomorrow to enjoy being home.

today on my ipod - rotten (angie aparo), do you sleep (lisa loeb), everything you want (vertical horizon), volcano (damien rice), fast as you can (fiona apple), anyone else but you (moldy peaches), he thinks he'll keep her (mary chapin carpenter), window (guster)

quiet (09/30)

2010-11-09T22:20:00.000-06:00

this week has been so different than the last two weeks. weird how that can happen - you fight your way through the storm and then suddenly it's peaceful again.

today's gratitude - i'm grateful for the quiet time with my thoughts. i shift through things to be done and slowly my desk takes shape again. i have time to focus and clear away debris and other tasks that i haven't had time to take care of...and, there suddenly i find a bit of happiness and peace.

my friends, i've been woefully behind on blog reading and checking out your photography on flickr. my apologies and i'm planning to catch up this week. i haven't ditched you...i've been held away by other duties. i will catch up with you soon.
xoxox

time (08/30)

2010-11-08T12:53:00.000-06:00

i've finally noticed that the clock on the capital is much like the pivotal clock tower in "back to the future" - stuck at one time that is correct only twice a day. which leads to me the beautiful day that awaited me after getting a full night sleep and waking up with the sunrise. a sunrise that is at the correct time for my body clock. typically by this time of year i'm really protesting getting up as it's still dark outside.

let's face it world...i'm an owl and not a lark. i'm the first to admit it.

so when the time changes in the fall, i am - for a couple of weeks - happy to get out of bed and feel refreshed. there is something for that piece of happiness. it makes the days so much better.

today's gratitude - i'm thankful for that wonderful feeling of getting enough sleep and having the right attitude for getting back to work. i'm grateful for the change in time that gives me a great way to wake up in the morning - that beautiful rose colored light. it's small, but so very important.

today on my ipod - i'm savoring whole cd's today - so far: tapestry by carole king, cracked rear view by hootie & the blowfish, and misguided roses by edwin mccain.

time together/time alone (07/30)

2010-11-07T12:34:00.018-06:00

last night my brother was "patched in" to his motorcycle club. apparently this is a very big deal and involved lots of friends, family, drinking, teasing and some seriousness. my sister and i attended and got to see a side of my brother we rarely see, him entirely in his own element - having a great time with his buddies. you see, he frets from time to time, thinking that his buddies may be a bit "crude" for his sisters (isn't he just the best brother?)...sometimes i think he doesn't know our "other" sides either...you know, the side where we are used to handling ourselves...and unwanted advances (when unwanted). it all goes back to the roles that we all have in each other's lives, doesn't it?

anyway - it was a lot of fun and i got to see a couple of people that i haven't seen since high school. i also learned a rather raunchy use for choroseptic (don't ask!) it always pays to learn! *laugh*

today's gratitude - i'm grateful for time with family and friends as i always feel welcome and loved. and i'm also grateful for time alone when i need to decompress and reflect on the week's happening. the weekend is always such a great time for both of these.

today on my ipod - seven bridges road (the eagles), sweet home alabama (lynard skynard), footloose (kenny loggins), the boys are back in town (thin lizzie), livin' on a prayer (bon jovi), jump (van halen)

saturdays (06/30)

2010-11-06T14:14:00.000-05:00

how wonderful is a weekend where you have no responsibilities. how wonderful is it to get up and get in your sweatpants and putter around the house - drinking coffee, making lunch and watching romantic movies ... okay that last thing may not be everyone's cup of tea.

today's gratitude - i'm grateful that i am fortunate enough to have the days where i can relax and take a breath. to enjoy the down time and unwind after a difficult week. it's cool outside and i'm snuggled in watching movies, drinking now hot tea from my new cup (thanks amy jo). and on a whimsy note - i'm also grateful for marshmallow treats. *smile*

today on my ipod - northern sky (nick drake) on repeat really....i adore that song.