September 29, 2008
September 25, 2008
I need to finish up some projects as I'm taking a day off for a change. But....words look like jumbles and papers seem to dance just beyond my fingertips. Is there a cure for this or do I have to ride this tide of jitters and a slightly numb tip of my nose?
Maybe they should clear the stage because I feel a chorus of "Born Free" breaking loose in my chest, elbowing and shoving to get to the surface. And then I blush....I'm a really suck-ass singer as anyone in my family will tell you. I bellow like a wounded moose and my dancing these days looks more like the death throes of some headless chicken. But, sometimes we need that spastic release of shame - the un-rhythmic dervish twirls and Fleetwood's off beat pound of our internal drum.
Only then will I hide back in my office....refusing to show my face and getting back to work. It's only moments away.
September 24, 2008
September 23, 2008
But, these broken nails come honestly from sweat and work. Not the endless worry that I used to have. Over the past two years I've become braver and more at ease with myself - or is it that I just don't give a ... ah well, you know - I don't care as much anymore what people think. I'm comfortable in my skin for a change. Hell, I guess that's what it is because...well, that not caring thing again.
There are still worries...but they are better, more precious worries - like wanting the best for family and friends, doing a good job, things like that. Productive stuff. Most of the time....until the monsters visit at 3:00 a.m.
September 20, 2008
I told myself....I can made do with the cheaper one, it's no big deal. So, it's bigger, heavier...it's ok, really - you won't be able to tell a thing. Boy was I wrong.
The new camera came out of the box today along with the new macro lens. The color is just blowing me away straight out of the camera with no tweaks. This is what I've been missing with my poor little rebel.
September 19, 2008
so, it forced my hand on upgrading my camera - where I had planned to do it later in the year, the new camera comes today. thank god for small favors where a few months ago I would have been without a camera.
the beach was gorgeous, if filled with jellyfish. the shrimp eaten while overlooking the starlit beach - beyond yummy and the malibu and pineapples didn't hurt either. those are the days I love my job. today, however, I have to deal with the nitpicker from hell.
and, thanks again to the two guys that pushed my rental out of the sand when I got it stuck. I need to make sure before I make a u-ey that the shoulder can take the weight of the car. but those damn boat reflections were calling me.
September 16, 2008
The cat jumped up on the side of sink to take a sip of the water dripping from the faucet which she impatiently tried to tighten, again. The old apartment was losing it’s luster – aging like her, no longer the fun, cheap, kitchy place but just old. The window wheezed as it spat icy blasts of stale air. “Come on Fall….come on.”
Another day slowly klugged to life.
She was freaking out - panic became full blown as she tried to think how to get out of the cabinet. Her pulses raced and fear was beyond control. At that moment, the attendent walked back and Dana told her she felt uncomfortable. The attendent reached over and lifted the door. Turns out there was no latch because all the person in the cabinet had to do was push open the door.
Goes right back to my favorite lyric - So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains And we never even know we have the key.
ok...so, back from lunch and I still need motivation after the carb overload. I'll be kicking my own ass now.
September 15, 2008
with gas prices so high and sold out in many stations, you can't drive anywhere far. weather was either hot and humid, or muggy and rainy.
I hope it clears before Wednesday when I will sit on the beach at Pensacola. seems I've been in Florida a lot in the past month. which probably prompted the telephone call today from a friend of Christmas past. *sigh*
life is just different these days.
September 13, 2008
I'm lucky to live where I do - far enough north not to be badly effected by hurricanes, close enough to hills not to get much of the tornado stuff, on the top of a hill so that flooding is not an issue...it's just mostly hot and humid. And of course, the largest perk - no snow. I always wonder why people persist to live in constant worry of natural disasters - earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes, tornadoes...blizzards. what is that thing that keeps us clinging to things that bring us danger? is it - we are afraid of change? is it, maybe - we like the place except for that occasional three weeks of no power and no water? or, do we in whatever situation crave the feeling of overcoming our environment?
life to me is dangerous and hazardous enough without adding to a bad situation. tornadoes of work chaos erupt without warning with no bunker to hide, earthquakes of relationships that shake our foundations and volcanoes of accidents can spew...give me shelter.
September 12, 2008
Eddie & the Cruisers - remember that movie? I freaking loved it. That's why I have this song on my i-Pod. Gotta love the kicky beat and saxophone, right? I loved the movie so much that I even went to see the lame sequel, "Eddie Lives." Ugh - that was right up there with the sequel to Saturday Night Fever. But, at least that one gave me one of the best cheesy lines ever - "Who do you think your dealing with? Some little groupie who jumps when you call, is that who you think I am? We met, we made it what do you think it was true love? And you say I used you but what about you using me? Everybody uses everybody, don't they?" Love the seriously, poorly delivered line Finola.
Did you ever listen to that group, Big Head Todd and the Monsters? They were great - wonder what happened to them. Some groups can make a living forever on a one hit wonder and some guys can just walk away and live another life. Say, like Bobby Sherman...he was huge back in the day and he's a paramedic now? How big of an adjustment is that?
September 11, 2008
So, walking around under beautiful, fluffy and bright clouds and gazing at sweet pink tea roses, I stepped into the southern punishment of fire ants. Damn it - before I knew it they were crawling up my left foot and calf before I could register "what is that burning, stinging sensation?"
Holy moley crap - they still burn and I'm fighting the good fight not to scratch them. But, man does it make me grumpy and grouchy. *sigh*
September 8, 2008
Where I didn't used to dream - suddenly my brain has opened up and I'm plagued by remembering so many little dreams now. A floodgate of weirdness has opened up and poured out unto my technicolored blanket I had previously pulled tightly around me. Dreams swirl in and out - making no sense and then, suddenly I hear a voice in the back of my mind going, "Oh! that's what that was all about." A never ending Rockette line of kicks and punches to the brains' kidneys.
I carried my new tripod around this weekend like a bodybag - searching for new opportunities, but it was so humid that my hair stuck to the back of the neck like seaweed. The waiting line at the botanical gardens was long as photographers all seemed too lazy to venture much further afield. I made big plans to drive about an hour away - but, those plans were washed away in the thick southern humidity of the afternoon.
I napped - wrapped again in my pink coverlet with the box fan roaring it's white noise over my overly taxed brain. This time - I didn't dream....and awoke to the dark of the evening. Another weekend wasted away and trudging away until Monday. A day of receipts and calculations...of playing the game with the corporate world. What was that saying my dad had? Oh yeah - war is hell or some such crap. (I really mean, "you got to go along sometimes to get along.") I like that song Blue Monday instead.
But....I did start the day with strawberry preserves from the Loveless Cafe...it can't be all bad now can it?
September 2, 2008
My sister yelled for me to slow down so she could see what was happening as the hooker reached into her top and showed the guy her boob (flipped him her tit we said). As I circled the block - they disappeared....she apparently is a fast but thorough negotiator. We were impressed by the Nashvegas hooker. Of course this was after being directed to Loveless Cafe by the desk clerk who had come straight to work from a "gig" in her stage make-up and clothes....yeah. It is a music city baby.
As we drove back to Birmingham - we passed the well named, "Boobie Bungalow". Don't cha just want to be the headliner there? I guess it's a better name than say, "Tits Tavern" or "Ta-Ta's Galore" or "Breasts Nest"? We snickered like six-year olds for an hour on that one.
September 1, 2008
"where are we?"
"that was reallllllllllllllll niiiiiccce"
"here's your Jack on the rocks"
"it got in my LUNGS"
"where are the new artists, like Clint Black? asshole"
"she flipped him the tit - I just saw a hooker"
"do I have to drive across the bridge?"
"I'm buying the strawberry jelly. It's jam but I won't tell Carol you said that sister."
"I could tell if he was circumcised or not. ewwww"
"He sang Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. You stole my thunder!"