May 21, 2009

back in the day

i used to try and write now and again. that is until i figured out that my pieces of fiction never read as effortless and beautiful as some of those i admire. i found i was somewhere (hopefully) between gifted writers and those who think they can write but are secretly pitied. (bless their hearts)

being an avid reader, you think (sometimes) i had childhood memories - i had pain - i had happiness - i had funny. and then the lined paper stares back at you as you doodle hearts and cubes in the corner. and suddenly that whimsical little story about your dad skiing through the pine trees cursing up a storm - not so funny anymore. and if you juxtaposition that against finding your cousin floating diaper up in the lake not so much tragic as just sad (he didn't drown - he was saved in time). and your thoughts about relations are not like carrie's but just the unfunny ramblings of another lonely woman. so you hold yourself back and you doubt.

no one wants the pity really. well...some people like pity but not me. and some people like the, 'no no, you can write' but i know the truth. i'm one of those people that step up first for honesty as i really dislike feeling a fool later. but it doesn't stop me from really wanting to be a writer. and secretly writing anyway - writing little two page fictional stories full of pain - because hasn't oprah taught us that a really successful book is painful and sad? and doesn't it touch back on what beth and i were discussing? that a happy life is boring and people like to read about painful things because they are in pain?

is that really the case? do we want hope or the acknowledgement that (as wesley says) 'life is pain princess'? i try to keep a positive attitude - i do. but in five months that has become pretty battered and mangled. and my brain hurts from sending out so many resumes and writing trite, simple, eye-catching cover letters. and you never hear back from any of them. and you look at the car in the driveway and think how your money will run out before the loan is paid fully. but i digress (see a big writer word there.)

i used to write now and again.


  1. you know I'm right there with you !!

    and ummm....can I just say this....and if you want to bonk me on the head with a soft pillow you can....that not only can you take wonderful photos....YOU CAN WRITE, TOO !

    new note....
    have you tried "linked in" yet ?
    I think it's all one word, but it's a great networking system my hubby said....

  2. Well, I won't say I'm that knowledgeable about many things. But I do have a degree in Professional Writing. And either you edit well or you flow well and don't have to edit. Because I have a good eye for the way a phrase is turned and one sentence just happens to naturally slide into another. And you are unique. The way you visualize is unique. I like your authenticity and your candor and you keep me reading every single time. So whatever that is, you do have it!

  3. I think sometimes that I can write, but rarely anything worthy.

    I do wish I could do better, but then I read some amazing blogs and think I should just keep my little piece of the interwebnet warm and be grateful for anyone who cares to drop by ;)

  4. i can't write - don't have a way with words but i sure do i admire those that can. there are so many great blog writers out there that i enjoy reading - your blog is one of them.

  5. I think anyone with a creative
    spirit has the desire to write.
    It's in our nature. I think what
    holds us back is the ego. Fear.
    I know that's my problem. It's
    been hard because I fear what
    others may think because I know
    what I'm writing isn't as eloquent
    as the next persons. I guess the
    only way to break through that is
    to keep writing. Just write. I guess
    I'm actually writing to myself here.
    Ha! Hang in there. Maybe God's
    trying to steer your vision elsewhere.

  6. I relate to your doubts. Sometimes no one seems to enjoy the things that I think people will like and I find myself analyzing it over and over.

    But, I love reading your blog so, in my opinion, you're a good writer. Your writing is honest, open, and easy to read and relate to.

  7. Char, I love reading your blog.Why?Because it's honest and true. Some blogs I read and I think what the hell was that?, and then I shake my head and think okay you missed something....You are stronger than you know and if anyone has a brain in their head,,,they will hire you!Keep your chin up and I will keep all of mine up! Soon. cinner

  8. Oh Char, I know you said you don't want this but you truly are a good writer, why else would I keep coming back. I like your use of your true emotions, and the kind of thought-tracking you have..

    About this job stuff; I know this is SO cliche, but it always helps me feel better, "Everything happens for a reason," so I think that the best job for you is right around the corner. I know. :-)

  9. I also do not want to be pitied. So I try and be thankful for what I do have. It gets old sometimes.
    And I come here because you are a kindred spirit and because I adore your photography. You have a knack for writing and I enjoy reading what you're saying. And I especially enjoy your honesty.

  10. I've also tried my hand at fiction and but I tend to prefer real life stuff. I now chose to use this medium, blogging to feed my need to write, at least for now. Maybe in my later years if I bore of painting I'll have another go at the fiction stuff.

  11. Now you see, I wouldn't think of your dad and cousin stories as the ramblings of a lonely woman. Far from it. The best writing is that of real life, every day real life. It's wonderful to see something of our selves in someone else's words, to make that connection. Your voice shines through on your blog, and I'm sure it does in your other writing as well. Voice is so much of what makes a writer. I say, Char, write on!

  12. i wish i can say something helpful...but I'm not qualified to give advice about being a writer or something like that.

    I remember reading about Ernest Hemingway's advice to the person asking him how to be a writer. The author said: Sit down and write.

    Is that all there is to it? I don't know but every writer is definitely doing it. Sit down and write.

  13. i understand, dear. all too much.

    you could write about anything, sweet Char, and i would read it. you just have a way with words. i envy that!

    i don't know if you got my message about possibly meeting next week. if you can, please shoot me a message on facebook or something. i would be so thrilled to meet you! it would a true treasure.

  14. I find your writing very soothing and comforting somehow, always. I love stopping by and hearing your spin on things. And I completely understand the job thing. It's so discouraging to never hear back. I think that's the worst thing, for all your efforts :(

    I hope you have a happy, happy Friday and enjoy the weekend.

  15. what can i say?
    i am not a writer but I do enjoy reading your essays here.

    i like true emotions in writing
    (pain or otherwise)

    I will continue to send positive thoughts your way on the job issue...that gets old.

  16. Just sayin' that I think your writing is very good...I find it easy to read, interesting, and keep on doing whatever it is you are doing even if it doesn't feel right to you..

    You have completely expressed how I feel about writing...I have always had the urge but not the talent....that's why my blog is mostly pictures and very few words...and you have expressed these frustrations very well keep it up!

    Fingers crossed here for jobs becoming more available for everyone! a nurse that is one problem I never had to face...

  17. I'm not sure if people just want to read about pain, but they DO appreciate honesty and simplicity, and that's what your writing is all about. You do have a gift, Char -- don't belittle it.

  18. sweetie--you still write.

    and take gorgeous photographs.

    keep doing both.


  19. You still write, my friend. It's just non-fiction. But, man. You can write!

  20. Hey my friend,... I'm reading and you sure ARE writing! I liked how Brenda (comment above) said your thoughts flow from one to the next. I look forward to your blog,.. keep on keepin' on!

  21. I wonder why we always want to do what we can't do?

    I am not musical, despite studying the guitar and the violin, the fact of the matter is that I'm not musically gifted.

    I'd love to be able to paint or to draw, but the fact is, I don't have the knack for that either.

    I wish I could sing, god what I wouldn't give to be a blues singer, but alas, I'm tone-deaf.

    I also wish I had the knack for making money. Wish I could be a salesman, wish I had that gift with people.

    Wish I could run fast and race marathons or swim fast and be a competitive triathlete, but I'm slow as molasses.


i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.