the explanation

words cannot begin to explain the past few weeks.  images come to me in bursts of color and then shatter into shards of negative images of the previous colors.  it is up.  it is down.  it is 180 degrees in another direction.  suffice to say, life has been difficult lately.  in the past sixty days i've changed offices twice, been to dc and back, sat in all day meetings, worried, fretted, cried and sometimes laughed.  the best i can say is personally life is okay - i'm maintaining an even strain....work on the other hand has been terribly stressful and wearing.  it goes to show you that life can change on a dime - as someone told me last week, "life is hard, suck it up."  last week it was tears and worry - this week, i found my inner core again and am re-building after coming home to an office moved without my input, my unit's secretary taken without explanation, the entire agency network with a horrible virus leaving us no access to files, deadlines that are insane...and yes i could go on.  the office i moved into was apparently last occupied by pigs with the cubicle walls dirty, footprints on the wall beneath my window sill (apparently they sat talking with their feet propped up on the sill while staring out the window), and for some reason i cannot fathom - my top drawer is lied with black pepper.  *shrugs*  and...the thing is i really dislike it when i whine.  i do....but today as i unpacked boxes (don't get me started on how someone when through my personal belongings in my office which had access to my social security number and amex bills.) i would just get overwhelmed and would just stare off into space. 

dc was insanely cold - the day i planned for sightseeing was eaten up by airport delays.  the next day i got to walk by the white house christmas tree on the way to meetings.  i did get to the holocaust museum (wow - powerful) and walked by the washington monument.  at that point the wind was blowing so hard that i didn't go up - i don't do well with the swaying.  the rest of the meetings were inside from 8:00 until 5:00 or 6:00 then to my hotel room to deal with office e-mails and such.  the last day i sat in the airport and prayed the snow did not stop me from getting home. 

i shuffled back to work not knowing where my office was and without a key.....friday was not pretty.  this weekend i finally got to shop for christmas...luckily with a smaller family i only have two more presents to buy.  in fact, i may go to target after this typing - i have missed you guys terribly. 

good things that have happened since i talked last....my oldest niece had a wonderful birthday party, complete with santa.  i got home to my own bed and have slept like a log.  i finally read "the girl with the dragon tattoo" (giving into peer 'book' pressure)  christmas is this week and all of my family are safe, warm and healthy - that is the biggest blessing of them all.  if i haven't said it...i missed you guys.  i think it took me this long to write because i just couldn't put it into words until tonight. 

i hope you all are safe, warm and healthy too.  i can't wait to see what you've been up to....(the few pictures i took in dc will be up soon)