June 2, 2009

that little bird is trying to fly the coop

an old shot from the secret vault and straight out of the camera as i'm at my sister's house with no editing programs. it helps to remind me at times what photography can be about. so many talk about national geographic and the what not, but face it - even they tweak their shots. so, let's not get all prissy - right, right? *smile* but it helps me remember the basic rules of camera work and composition to force myself at times to make that decision - back to basics.

i don't like to mention celeb-wannabes on the blog because i have decided not to give any more 'air time' to people who are talentless but wow, there was a show on nbc last night that showed how big some people are in their own mind and how spoiled we as consumers have made these people. if everyone would collectively turn off these spoiled princes and princesses and stopped supporting them, they would go away (i think).

i'm still stuck in this cycle of waking up at 5:30 a.m. and being unable to turn off my brain. there is a lot of stuff to think about (be scared about) and i think that is why when people whine who have so much to live for - it makes me tired. so very tired. and it's a sobering reality when i used to complain about my job or the whatnot. i count my blessings every day. some days i do that just to remain sane.

so...anyway - here i sit - uninspired, tired and half-way peeved at everything. as so many people have asked this week, how do you break through it? how do you push through to the other side of the journey? or, how do you tie the knot at the end of the rope while the threads are unravelling and the sweat is making it slippery? i've been journaling. taking shots even though they are mostly tired and boring (that's not a hint my sweeties, really). talking to friends. praying. meditating. hoping. building docks.

how do you keep hope alive?


  1. Lmao, omg you ARE in a mood aren't you heehee...."lets not get prissy"...HA HA HA. You rock. Seriously.

    Anyway maybe something is in the blog air because I've been feeling the same as you. Maybe we both need to just chill and soak up some sun. You know try NOT to think too much and just simply enjoy this crazy life. At least that is whay Im telling myself today.

    Love ya sister,

    P.S I have no idea why you can't comment...my blog is on crack lately.

  2. love the texture in that shot!

    i keep hope alive by being spontaneous.
    i know spontaneity usually mean different things to everyone ... but i just try to do what i like (regardless of other humans).

    just keep doing what makes you happy.
    don't worry about not having a job (though i know living means you need money).
    use this time to your advantage - to get to know yourself.

    i'm not sure if that helps or not ...

    maybe you should pitch a tent on the beach for a few weeks?


  3. Yeah, I've kind of been in a mood today myself. Sort of weepy. Don't know why. I have a lot to be grateful for. Just hits sometimes.

  4. char...
    you know, I've been there and I think it's an age thing that can make a difference...granted, I'm only 2 years older than you, but I stopped {I'm not sure exactly when} carrying the ugly stuff with me and it works if you want it to work...seriously it does :)

    AND I'm not preaching, as nobody lives in the shoes that we as individuals put on each day, but for me, it was a decision....conscious or not conscious, it was a decision.

    and sometimes the best thing you can do is to surround yourself with other people who feel the same way...who always feel warm when the wind blows and see the glass half full and the sun on a cloudy day...you know what I mean.

    GRANTED...I'm far from perfect and I can have pissy days and be a huge grouch...but not for long as I'd much rather be laughing and smiling.

    so for keeping hope alive, which is what I helped the hubby with these past 6 months...a positive attitude that everything will happen exactly the way it's supposed to..because everything and I mean everything, happens for a reason.

    I'm sending out a huge hug to you in hopes that you know there are lots of us out here that only know you through this blog, but we are here for you if you start to stumble and need a little help back up !

  5. OMG, it must be in the air,... me too. Today: sad, weepy, and for what reason? None that are worthy of repeating. Because I'd look like such a schmuck if I indulged myself in them. So,... tomorrow I will pack my camper, take two days off from work, and along with a woman friend take off for a long weekend at a bluegrass festival. Field camping, good friends, good music,... I hope Monday I'll be more chipper!

  6. I've had a rough couple of years too, and sometimes its just good to get it out with a good cry, or a really hard workout...and when that doesn't work, I just try to let go of that inner struggle and restless feeling...remind myself that everything happens for a reason, and what is meant to be will be (or any other cheezy quotes I have stored away to make me feel better)...and remind myself that things have a way of working out one way or another. Oh, one other thing...a really good hug can go a long way to brightening my day. :)

  7. I wish I knew the answer to that one. A man who lost his wife recently asked me the other day what he should do to get over his grief and inability to sleep at night and I, like the moron I am, said: "Wine helps." I was, not surprisingly, greeted with dead silence and the sound of crickets. Be thankful you don't have idiots like me giving you advice, in other words. But, seriously, keep your chin up, Char. Life leaves us too soon to get lost in hopelessness.

  8. I try to stay optimistic, and busy too. Sometimes immersing myself in a new project detracts from the thoughts at hand. Long walks, pleasant company, rest and good food. All those basics, but they work. Hope things pick up soon for you.

  9. yeah that's a tough one – for me some days more than others. I assume much of your worry is about a job. can i ask what type of work you're looking for?
    i saw someone mentioned camping. if you're up for it – i was thinking of meeting my brother at Cheaha in AL. let me know. Not that it would solve anything per se but it would be fun.

  10. I love that shot and I know what you mean. I hope things begin to go better as far as work and purpose goes. You seem to find things to be happy about, though. You have a good attitude. And an excellent eye.
    You're funny (that's not a hint my sweeties, really). Ha!

  11. Must be in the air... I am finally feeling less restless as I begin to accept my situation. There are things I would love to be doing, but it's not going to happen. So now I just "let it pass". "It" being the nasty ego telling me that I am worthless, unsuccessful, etc.

    Everything happens for a reason...some things need to align. So continue to do things you love like taking photos, baking, or whatever it is that fills your spirit. Then, in time, everything will work out.

  12. Thank you for stopping by, as well. And that's something which gives me hope. Hope that keeping a blog is meaningful and reaches out in a unique and meaningful way. Looking outside at the glorious greens of summer, and spending time talking to my grandson on the phone (he's 2). The vitality of a thunderstorm (I'm needing one). The fact that I love your photo because it "is." I like that. Particularly after finishing a stock photography class which made me feel like I can't take a photo that "counts." I want the things I do to "count." That gives me hope. To keep trying. To keep dreaming. I think I could go on for quite a while!!!!!!!!!!

  13. Wow... I just wrote my little Rumplestiltskin post because I didn't know what to do with myself, and now I'm here and see that i'm not alone.

    All I can say is after watching a person not want to live, and watching a little person play and laugh, that I'm going to model myself after the three year old as best I can.

    Keep taking your photos. It helps. I don't have an SLR or extra lenses so I know what you mean that you have to use the tools you have.

  14. char the rusted image is a great metaphor for the feelings you describe ...i can honestly say that there are times when it is just a small flicker but i guess I just get up each day and try again...as I know you do.

  15. The internet helps me push through! Talking with people on blogs, twitter. Looking a wonderful sites, reading the news... distract yourself. Think of the things you love and try to do them.

  16. keeping hope alive is good. but very hard. i find i do better if i have SOMETHING/ANYTHING to look forward to. it sounds simple, but sometimes i can't think of anything great to look forward to and i despair. it is hard. when working for a living it is a HUGE grind that can be soul crushing, but not having a job is difficult on a whole other level. i hope something turns up for you soon. will keep my fingers crossed.

  17. Oh, Char. First thing, I just want to give you a hug. A big one. Here. Feel it. You'll have to imagine it, I know. But, while you imagine, remember this - I'll never be the first one to let go. I'll hug you for as long as you need it.

    OK. Now I'll answer your question. How do I hang on? I do what you do. I pray, I hope, I talk to friends, I plug along. But. I do one thing more. One thing that has never failed. Ever.

    I count my blessings. I really do. I write them down and look at it again and again. Just like the old song says. I count my blessings, "name them one by one."

    Thinking of you, sweet friend.

  18. i love the SOOC shot...rust is gorgeous. and it gives such a beautiful deep layer to this post. how do we stay fresh and shiny when we feel we're sitting still and rusting?

    i too woke up this morning very early--i'm so blind i didn't look at my watch, but i awoke with mind racing. i think it happens to all of us.

    and that's the best i can offer as an answer...that you're not alone in these feelings, it's the times, it's the zeitgeist. but i imagine it's very hard to find motivation to move towards whatever is next when it's so hard to see that.

    big hugs from across the atlantic...


  19. Hmmm...I guess I focus on what I have, the good things in life, the bad things that HAVEN'T happened, and all the things that are possible. It's easy to say now when I'm in a good frame of mind, but during my recent darker days, not so easy. You start getting pulled down more and more and it's difficult to emerge from that and shake off the bad vibes. But there's always something that pulls me out, and it's usually in the shape of a dog's happy bark, or some pretty flowers, or something else that's just very innocent and lovely.

    As for photos, I do tweak mine too to fix things if need be (I'm not talking about the ones I purposely add effects to), but I really don't like having to. I try to take the best pictures possible and ONLY fix them if I have to. Yeah, it sure keeps your skills sharp.

  20. omg...keeping hope alive....i'd say an important part of it, but probably the most difficult part, is surrounding yourself with others that have a positive attitude. i know from experience that it's much harder than it sounds.....that is why blogging can be so comforting to me I think. lately, as you know, every day has been a struggle...but most importantly i know it will pass.
    it sounds like you're doing all the right things....talking about it, praying, meditating, hoping....it will pass ;)

    sending hugs♥

  21. I've had many trials and tribulations in my life, but you have to just keep getting up and doing. Something. Anything. You're in a scary place right now and I know it's hard, but you will prevail. You will overcome. It's okay to have down days. They make the "up" days seem much better. You have so many wonderful qualities, my dear. Someone is going to recognize that and put you to work. I will keep thinking good and positive thoughts for you and about you.


  22. you know, it's funny how we all react. take a mental health day and just read. lose yourself from your own life. roll over and start a new day the next day. breathe for a moment.

  23. i'm with you. i understand.

    i happen to think this is a wonderful shot. these are the kinds of photos i appreciate so much.

    i wish we could have met! we will have to make a point of it in the future, though.

    let's talk more about your idea!

    i'm off to peruse your blog and see what i've been missing.

  24. andie:: i was on a rant, yes? hahaha people never realize what they have sometimes.

    cassaundra:: the beach. i definitely need the beach.

    brenda:: yes, it does. i agree.

    beth:: you are such a great cheerleader. i do believe in positive and all. just some days (or weeks)

    cedar:: have a great time!

    maisy:: i got really good hugs last night and you're right, they do help.

    april:: thanks for that perspective really. it is hard when someone dies because that is a breach we cannot overcome. that one is just living each day and hope the pain recedes a bit.

    joanne:: a new project sounds good. thanks!

    l:: right now anything. i'm a financial analyst by trade with all the bank crashes and cut backs, that's impossible. i wish i was a camper.

    cg:: thank you. i do try to be positive.

    caroline:: thank you - i keep telling myself that. it all has a purpose.

    sandy:: stock photography. wow, that is a difficult field because they are so very picky. good luck with it! :)

    tangobaby(julie xo):: it is good to have the happiness and acceptance of a child. the sense of loss we feel when one of our loved ones is letting go, is so hard. sorry honey.

    elk:: thank you for seeing the metaphor. i didn't think of it when i did it....but, you're right. pass the oil can when you can.

    annabelle:: i'm trying too hon, i'm trying. you keep on trying too.

    dg:: thanks girlie.

    julie:: xo - thanks for the e-mail. i'm going to give it a go and see if i like what i come up with.

    chris:: we are all the support network, no? it is the small happy things that keep us going for sure.

    sandra:: hugs are always welcome. right back at cha.

    susan:: thank you. and you're right - it's the bad days that make us really appreciate the good.

    margie:: good advice. just forget it for a day - it will still be there when i can handle it better.

    georgia:: it will happen. xo

    jill:: you are right.

  25. You keep writing it down and reminding yourself that it will change or get better or different and you ask your friends and your family for help and you get up tomorrow and start again.


i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.