funny how my sunday mornings are usually spent in some reflection time as well as an overall sense of laziness - of course there is a healthy dose of coffee addiction thrown in. today, however, I awoke with a sense that I had to go somewhere. now with gasoline at almost four bucks, that anywhere is fairly limited on a beginning of the month budget. so, I did a little internet research and ended up in Helena - about 20ish miles from my apartment. old town Helena is quaint about two blocks long. there is a smallish lake with a smallish dam and a depot. I did find a cute neighborhood that looked like small houses in orange beach. so, I snapped off a few shots. I came home and snapped a few before making lunch.
I've become so immune to relationships lately. it seems that most people interested in me are not really available in the way that I want them to be - now, it would stand to reason if that's what I'm attracting then it must be what I want. enough about that really. maybe watching SATC made me think about that.
I sat at the dam today, watching a guy play fetch with his dog. it was peaceful and calming. the sun was bright and the air was thick and humid. that's summer in the south - air you can drink at times and sweat can form at 8:00 a.m. I wandered with my tripod and watched dragonflies flit across the water - wishing one would light somewhere close enough. butterflies fluttered from clover to clover and tiny blackberries were ripening and rotting on the briers. in the distance, I heard the train whistle.
the clouds thickened and grew a bit darker and the air got heavier as I got back in the jeep. I found cheap gas and finished filling the tank. church traffic built as I drove the more country of the roads. at home, the neighbor sits on the stoop smoking cigarettes in the heat. the smoke drifted up in lazy circles and I sniffed longing again (as always) for just one puff.
how can one think of everything but really nothing. there is no drama in my life - of course I've carefully made it so....so many of my friends are surrounded by drama. I called a friend for breakfast but she's already had hers. there is one krispy kreme left and I submit to it's siren screech. the tv plays steele magnolias and I laugh as my favorite lines kick off from the start. I'll turn it before it gets sad.
so, sunday - lazy, hot and thickly humid sunday. the rain blew in and out quickly and the cat lays watching me type. I feel rudderless and yet, purposeful.