I started and re-wrote this blog about four or five times. I guess the original thought I had in my mind when I started muddled and muddied until I could not hold on to it. There is an exercise my professor used to make us do - the uninterrupted stream where we had to sit for ten to fifteen minutes during class and write every thought that came out of our head as we were thinking them. Some of the thoughts got quite brutal and he would ask for volunteers to read them. Some would cause tears, some laughter...but it was a good exercise at feeling what you're feeling.
Other times he would bring in a grab bag of "stuff" and we would have to blindly plunge in our hands and write a page about whatever item we pulled out. It would sometimes be weird things like a ceramic chicken salt shaker or a blue silk rose.
I've let my brain get in my way so I feel stifled and blocked. Funny when you keeping thinking of something it gets harder and harder to do as you continue to build up resistence in your head. It's like telephone calls or apologizing....or, other stuff. The longer you wait the more difficult it becomes.