bits and pieces of today

it was one of those days that you find something unexpected, your favorite spot is available, and you discover something you didn't know was available.

...

I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone enough to truly consecrate the hour.
I am much too small in this world, yet not small enough
to be to you just object and thing, dark and smart.
I want my free will and want it accompanying the path which leads to action;
and want during times that beg questions, where something is up,
to be among those in the know, or else be alone.

I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection, never be blind or too old
to uphold your weighty wavering reflection.
I want to unfold.
Nowhere I wish to stay crooked, bent; for there I would be dishonest, untrue.
I want my conscience to be true before you;vwant to describe myself like a picture I observed
for a long time, one close up, like a new word I learned and embraced,
like the everday jug,
like my mother's face,
like a ship that carried me along through the deadliest storm.

~~Rilke

have you seen this guy?

ok...so i admit that i read oprah's magazine. i know, she's gone all new agey and self-righteous but there are parts of it i really love, especially the "aha moments" and the photography. this month she has this article about how to boost your spirits which was common sense stuff...but the photographer on the shoot really caught my eye. his name is rodney smith. have you heard of him?

these are a few of his shots that caught my eye.

words

the power of words - they can make you, break you, or take you. they are amazing things and way too often (lately) i have lost the ability to make words work for me. i've talked too long and have run out of words so i retreat behind photography. it's not that i don't have words...i have too many. they jumble, scramble, shimmy and shutter to be released and then the door slams shut. tight. tighter than tight. and i resist the urge to make a joke. so i won't. today i dreamed of tybee island and a sweet little mermaid cottage and i wanted to be there. iwasthisclosetogoingbutichangedmymind. at the last minute i pulled back and was practical.

too often i said words that i wished i could pull back in my mouth and swallow the bitter anise flavored barbs of hate...envy...regret... but i didn't. i allowed them to spew forward and splash. over the landscape of my life. and my regret gave birth to little demons of shame and blame. the wonder twins of low self esteem. so i used the only weapon i have - shoved them in a closet and locked it tight. some days that closet feels overly full and threatens to pop open. can you have a estate sale for demons?

instead of feeding them i've been starving them by weaving together positive thoughts and prayers. they hate that stuff - it's liver and onions to them...or perhaps a meal of rubarb, mustard and sweetbreads. quite nasty. and they shiver in their tiny little pointy toed boots and kick at me...but miss. i use my butterfly net to capture pretty little words - etheral, lovely, gorgeous, lush, pleasant, abundance, blissful, joyous, happy, sheer, phenominal, and so they go. these are sparkly and elusive at times. but the fun is in the chase - right?

and i hope soon i won't have the taste of anise in my mouth. that words will taste like warm salty breezes off the coast of a tropical island. or like a pastry in paris. or a glass of wine in tuscany...or something perfect and unsullied. though i'm sure from time to time there will be a bit of licorice there, no one really wants to be polly perfect all the time. do they? polly can be a bit of a bore. i would rather be her rather funny, slightly loose with a smidge of wicked, and tangishly sweet cousin - paulette.

Happy Macro Monday

for Ms. Georgia B.

out and about

petals from the past

sounds like a great story title doesn't it? titles like that at times make me pick up books, like "cherries in the snow". i forget the author now, but i bought the book simply based on the name. but, in this case it's not the name of a book (or a blog) but instead the name of a wonderful plant nursery in jemison, alabama. the place is located out in the country and is a lush, wonderful escape from the city. they grow antique and heritage plants (especially roses) that you can't just find anywhere plus a lot of plants native to alabama.

the store is a converted country house and is surrounding by examples of their plants and trees. it looked like a wedding was taking place later in the day in the rose arbor. after wandering through the grounds (of course i took my camera) i sat with my sister and listened to the droning of the bumblebees as they flitted and fought. i got to see the wonder of a mated pair of bluebirds for the first time. bluebirds are special (just like chickadees) to me because each time my mom saw something with bluebirds she would say "bluebirds of happiness" and we would smile. funny the simple things...

fresh strawberries locally grown were bountiful and luscious. the blueberry trees were laden with berries that will ripen in a couple of weeks. there were rows and rows of strawberries blooming and will ripen and the fig trees were blooming. this is exactly the life i would want if funds were unlimited and available. all that was missing is woven hammock hung under a full shade tree and a glass of lemonade. they did, however, have coke in the tiny bottles i remember from childhood - - - and it tastes just as i remember from a glass bottle.

after ambling around...we had lunch at a barbecue place down the road (a piece as we say around here). bountiful and wonderful, but the very best part? freshly fried pies - peach was my choice. yum.

the devil is in the details

not really...but i've heard that saying a lot.

to help

there is a quote i know that says something like "next 'to love', 'to help' are the most wonderful words in the world." i'm not sure who said it or i would give the author. i know many of my friends are in a similar situation to mine, unemploymed and wondering what is going to happen when benefits run out. however, julie has been helping a person she recently met in san francisco.

i am passing along how you can help, even if you just write an e-mail of love and encouragement - that is something. because as we know in the blogworld - having someone to listen to a problem is sometimes the most healing balm of all.

click here to go to Tangobaby's blog and read about how you can help. no comments needed here - follow your heart.

so...

following my own advice... i

:: found a place to process photos for 1/2 the price i was previously paying. talked to photographers to see where they suggest to go. found a lead for a place new to me.

:: purchased happy flowers for the garden (zinnias and geraniums).

:: went to the thrift store and found two new bottles for my collection. i also found a treasure trove of old cameras and jade fire king wear...but they want too much money. i'm going back saturday to see if i can dicker any - the sellers were not in today.

:: visited a place where i worked when i graduated from high school. the building has been condemmed and vines are overtaking the building. some of the stained glass (before it was used for offices, it was an old church) on the ground and took a few souveniors.

:: came home and talked to my neighbor about her garden. and put my flowers in the front yard. they made me smile. sat out in the sunshine with the dogs - lizzie was so excited to see me that she wouldn't leave my side. unconditional love baby - unconditional love.

i felt soothed and happier than i've been for the last couple days.

earth day, flea markets, thrifting...and other semi off-the-cuff thoughts.

I had lots of thoughts about Earth Day this year - being unemployed allows you to do things like have deep thoughts of things that matter. I have so much more time on my hands than I used to when I ran solid all day and collapsed in a general heap of mushbrains at night. I thought I would re-read "Walden" because Thoreau is a hero of simplicity and keeping the earth well. But...I didn't. I did though re-read the "Spring" essay and found comfort in his thought about rain...the rain we've had so much of so far. The rain that I will plead for in the summer that is coming. I need to get dressed and go buy the flowers I promised myself to plant today. Funny, I can't remember if I have worn these two days or three days. (just kidding)

There is this magazine I found, "100 ideas - Flea Market Style" and I wonder - just where are these fabulous flea markets where they are finding these fabulous things? My bloggy friend, Mary, finds these great things too. I find them...but boy do they want me to pay for them. So not in my budget right now. But I love looking at the pretties. Maybe I will wander over to my favorite place today and see if there is anything new. Romantic Homes also has an article called "Thrift Shop Chic" - it seems that shabby chic has evolved (or is it devolved) into thrift shop and repurposed. Lord help me if I start haunting garage sales on the weekend. The next thing you know I will have a beehive and will try on clothes right there at the sale. Please don't let me haggle over a dime item. You would have permission to slap me on the spot.

Photography wise I feel so stagnant. I do - I have driven on adventures and have found a few things. Don't tell my sister....but Montgomery really sucks wind as a photography town. I find myself forced to photograph the same flowers over and over again and I'm sorry but I just can't get much more creative with tulips, daisies or the like without pulling my hair out. I refuse to start photographing things just to be able to take pictures everyday (like recommended by all the mentors around.) I've got to get the mojo back.

This week I'm dealing with a lot of anger and repressed feelings about unemployment and the fear that me, as well as countless others will never recover from this culumination of the "me" generation resulting in this depression/recession - whatever you call it. I'm generally a "glass half full" person who works hard to finish filling the glass...but, I am drowning this week. I struggled with writing this paragraph because it seems so "look at the poor, pathetic, petrified" girl - feel sorry for her. But, I can't not tell you the truth about the situation. So, bear with me if you will. I know I'm not the only person dealing with this....and I know there are others in much worse shape. So, believe me - I will "buck up" and struggle on. That is part of why I posted the previous blog, to remind myself there are small bits of happy all along.

On the other hand...I'm very excited about the etsy shop. Things are thrilling there for me and I get so excited when I make a small sale. As always when things like that happen, I channel Sally Fields. To celebrate maybe I can stop by the farmer's market for some fresh strawberries since they are in season. After all, I should practice what I preach and take pleasure in the small things to bolster my spirits.

Now I feel like I should apologize for being whiny - that's what being raised politely will do for you, right? We may throw our tantrums politely and apologize ever so sweetly after for displaying that nasty bit of emotion. I think that's why I laugh so much at children because they put it all out there and don't really care if you saw it or not. But, ... I think it's good to let a vulnerable side show. It reminds us that we are human and not superheroes that can tough out anything.

little ways to drive up closer to happiness

one of my favorite sayings about happiness comes from a television show....."money may not buy happiness, but it can buy me a red corvette so I can drive up really close to it." it makes me laugh - because I know in this crazy world that money does not really buy happiness - it just fills a lot of holes we have in our loneliness, anger, or sorrow. but, in the midst of all of that - I can find joy in little bitty things, little nuggets that bring me laughter and that leads to smiles and that...well, it leads to some happy.

so, given my current financial status - how do we do that?

1 - we find bouquets of wildflowers in an vacant lot. we pick them and bring them home to make joy last for more than one day.


2 - you work out trades with talented artists and have beautiful packages arrive in the mail. her cards are even more beautiful in person.


3 - you play silly games on line like "mafia wars" or list five things you will have handy in case of a zombie attack.
4 - you make yummy black bean salsa and grill out a family dinner.
Black Bean Salsa
1 – 2 Medium tomatoes chopped
3 – 4 Green Onions (whatever you like)
1 Can Black Beans (rinsed)
1 Can Corn (I like shoepeg but any works)
1 -2 4-6 Ozs. Of Feta Cheese (I like the tomato/basil kind)
½ Cup of Xtra Virgin Olive Oil
¾ Cups of Vinegar
1 tablespoon Mrs. Dash Sundried Tomato/Basil seasoning (add more if
you like)
5 - buy magazines featuring articles about thrifting or repurposed items. think of ways to repurpose things you already have. haunt thrift stores looking for the perfect find.


6 - you dream about the perfect vacation to take once you find a job again. and then you plan to lose the five or so pounds you put on eating chocolate cake while planning that vacation.

7 - play with the puppies.

8 - plan the perfect bedroom. try to think of how to combine current linens and find something along these soothing lines. continue to scout thrift stores and antique stores to find a beat up mantle.



9 - call an old friend that you haven't spoken to in a long time. talk about the times you froze everyone's bras or put becca's hand in the warm water to see if she would pee (she didn't). then cry when you hear her talk about her daughter's first prom and how beautiful she looked.

10 - watch the Sex and the City movie for the 100th time. cry each time Big proposes to Carrie. then watch The Way We Were and cry when Katie says, "your girl is lovely Hubble."

11 - buy a box of cracker jacks and eat them. even though you only get a lousy tattoo now, rock the tatt in the funniest of places (unless of course you're going on an interview).

12 - wash your linens and then spray them lightly with a mix of lemons and water or if you prefer, lavender water. take a shower and go to bed on the freshly washed linens. sheer heaven.

13 - register for pandora and create your dream play list. they will also suggest artists that sound similar and you might find some new music. better yet - create a playlist feature songs from high school and rock as hard as you did back then. be sure to dance and prance in front of a nearby mirror.

14 - pay something good forward. it will repay you in happiness tenfold. it doesn't have to be money - any good deed will do.

15 - draw a picture for your fridge. better yet - draw your dream picture and include any wishes you want to make happen.

16 - make a collection of your favorite quotes and keep them handy. life is a struggle and there are days it's easy to forget to be motivated. so nothing is happening right now? (true that) we have to stay motivated to work towards building that dock. believe me - I know it is tough to continue to be motivated. I'm not making light - I'm just reminding myself.

17 - instead of wondering "what's in it for me" think about what you can do for someone else. sometimes all someone needs is another person to listen and say, "I care." just doing that can remind you that you are not the only person suffering.

18 - go to the library and check out your childhood favorite books. read them. maybe even out loud. laugh at the funny parts.

19 - channel laurence peter to release some of that anger. (When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.)

20 - fake it until you ake it. I know that sounds like a cop out and weird advice to fake it...but it actually works sometimes. that we fake it so long that we forget why we were so mad. finally....blog it out (said like Ari Gold). write about happiness, wishes, dreams, wants, needs. sometimes it takes writing it down to realize what you do have working for you.

Macro Monday

Per Georgia it's Macro Monday...what cha got?



straight out of the camera - no editing. Queen Anne's Lace.

more driving = better results

it has been a very lazy weekend and resulted in my brother and I driving to the lake yesterday to try and catch a sunset at the point. this point is famous as hank williams, sr. wrote a rather famous song about the wooden indian there, kowliga. well, as all good plans go - the clouds and haze set in and the sunset was not the desired colors, however, the ride and rememberances were priceless. plus, it was just a great time to be together.



the ride had lots of rural countryside with lots of horses and cows. there were tons of wildflowers in the fields and some grass that was mostly red. as Pete drove, I shot mainly out the window of the truck while he would slow down. he marveled that a camera could shoot so fast (he was used to a point and shoot) so I tried to explain the ins and outs of ISO, exposure and apeture. I think it was rather like him explaining something police procedural to me. we both think we have a faint grasp on the subject.







on the way home we picked up dinner, called family and watched a movie together. simple - yes, boring to some - yes, perfect for me? absolutely yes.

I found a field of wildflowers near the house and today and tried to shoot macros. of course the wind blowing was not going to let me do that...so I picked a bouquet of queen anne's lace and made my way home. a pot roast is in the slow cooker, a movie is on the television and I'm happy editing photographs. all in all, a good weekend.

the four - challenge

Georgia (through ELK and Mindwhisperings, two blogs that I also love) introduced me to a new photoblog today, The Four. She also hooked me on a challenge. So, this is my entry for #7. I found these little flowers growing along the roadside yesterday as I wandered and meandered around Montgomery and Bullock counties. The chagrin I'm finding is though I can find lots to photograph, there is little to no shoulder to stop and take shots. Who says photography is not dangerous?

cold central

it seems like I'm always whining about a cold and i really dislike that - i don't like complaining all the time. but...the fact remains that i can barely hear out of my left ear and it's driving me insane. yes, i'm taking beds, drinking fluids and the whatnot. no infection (that i can tell).

but the day was too gorgeous to stay inside. so here are a couple. what did you do today? anything fun....or was something at work funny? did you complain too? or did you laugh - a lot? i hope you laughed a lot. i wanna laugh with you.

i must dash - hogatha and her brother are doing "let's eat" dance under my chair.

I'm obsessed with all things curly in nature.

red poppies...where's emerald city?

pop culture anthropology

I avidly follow photographers that I admire on their blogs. Today, Susannah at Ink on My Fingers followed the example of a fellow photographer and posted a shot of "what's in your bag." Now I know, this is not a new concept but since my cold is lingering and I haven't been out today - I thought I would play along. Besides, I needed an excuse to clean out my bag. *grin* You know you will do that too - clean out your pockets or bag before you photograph them. Otherwise you would know that I'm horrible about keeping tons of receipts on my bag and then I curse when I can't find my cell phone in the bottom of my bag (even though there are 4 pockets on the sides where it would make perfect sense to put the damn thing...but that's too easy).



So, you will find (from left top to bottom):

** Sony Cybershot & photocards (I rarely use it so it's not charged)
** Cell phone - I never put it in the side pockets so I'm always cursing when it rings.
** Change - I never put change back in my wallet so there is always loose change in the bottom of my bag. And I wonder why I can never find anything.
** Sad, sad, sad worn out wallet from Urban Outfitters. I got this bright idea that I would use this instead of my heavy fancy wallet. Not good, it doesn't hold much and the latch sprang after I ran over it with my desk chair.
** Mom's bracelet that I wore to church on Sunday. I need to put it back in the jewelry box.
** Flash drive to take to the print shop so I can get some printing done.
** Make-up - just the essentials: powder, gloss and lipstick.
** Nail polish - OPI Dulce De Leche (my favorite shade)
** Car and House keys - red leather heart that I had forever and a silver medallion that says "home" given to me at Christmas. I'll cherish that forever as it was very meaningful to me.
** Sunglasses and reading glasses
** Assorted pens - I love funky colored pens
** Lens cloth

What's in your pocket or wallet?

morning

hello all - hope your tax day is going well. I'll be out and about today with errands...not all of them fun. in the meantime - pretty flowers (until I can get out and about to shoot other things).