September 11, 2009

fears

it's been one of those weeks, you know. ups and downs - highs and lows. and i'm weary and tired and as hard as i try, i'm human and scared. i feel as though everything i try just sits there and kinda flails helplessly. and it's not because i feel alone - god, everyone has been so good to me and really tries to help. they bolster my feelings, i get odd jobs to help with things...i know i'm not alone.

and i know i should keep a positive attitude. i do. let me tell you - a positive attitude is a difficult thing to keep at 3:30 in the morning. but still i plug away and keep sending applications and resumes. i'm too old, too experienced, too inexperienced, too anything. could someone please give me that magic combination of words and phrases to get someone to freaking hire me? i feel as if the past eight months have the stamp across them called 'epic fail'.

and you know those sites - monster and career builder? total b.s. i work them almost daily looking for jobs and have yet to hear back from one of the places were i applied.

two years ago, i thought my life was pretty perfect business wise, even if personally it was crap with mom being so sick (she died in november). one year ago, i saw the handwriting business wise but never thought it would last this long. i thought i had plenty of resources to tide me over.

and still, i will suck it up and 'carry on' as the saying goes. i was taught that at an early age. life is life - life is what you make it. i can either be miserable all day and dwell in my fear or i can keep fighting. today, i keep fighting.

39 comments:

  1. I don't know if you'd wanna consider moving so far, but there seem to be quite a few jobs in Huntsville.

    Best wishes, my friend!

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  2. Char it is normal to not have a positive frame of mind always, that's what makes us human. You keep fighting and be strong. I don't believe it is as bad here. Big hugs my friend!

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  3. Char I meant to say how beautiful the photo is. Take care.

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  4. Sorry you are having a rough time. Good luck, hope something opens up for you soon.

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  5. oh Char I can really feel your pain. I wish there was something I could do to help. I pray that something will come your way very soon. sincerely

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  6. that's the spirit, char! keep fighting... don't give up...stay in the battle. it's ok to be discouraged and frightened--it's normal and those feelings/thoughts drive us into the Father's arms, if we choose to cling to Him in the storms. i'm praying for you, my friend... for a job, for peace, for victory!

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  7. The middle of the night thoughts are always the worst! I hate those. But there are little signs that things are starting to turn around, even here in Nevada, and your turn will be there soon. My thoughts are with you.

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  8. I know how you've been feeling: http://brainyandbeautiful.blogspot.com/2009/09/honestly.html#comments

    Just think of waking up in the morning as an accomplishment and keep at it throughout the day. I pray something good happens for you soon. I believe your hard work and perseverance will not go unrewarded. <3

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  9. Sweetie, I feel so bad for you...I know it is so hard to keep your spirits up when nothing seems to be going right with your job search. I don't know what to say to make it better....just know that I'm pulling for you and hoping that corner you need to turn is just ahead. (((hugs)))

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  10. Thank you for your honesty...I am afraid I have no words of wisdom...but I am grateful our paths have crossed this past year. You are an inspiration to many. Hang on, hang in and all that idiom jazz!

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  11. I know the feeling also from when they closed the branch office where I had worked for 20 years! It's down right frightening!! But with faith and hope you will prevail! Keep the good fight my friend! That door will open at just the right time! :)

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  12. i love the whistful image. yes, we must keep fighting or give up the fight.

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  13. Char, I can only imagine how difficult it is to face the daunting task of finding suitable employment -- getting your life on the track you want to be on. And although I know it's corny, haven't you found that really and truly, it is darkest before the dawn. The law of nature --ebb and flow -- dictates that the pendulum will once again swing in your favour. Hold on. You are doing a marvellous job of staying glued.

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  14. The story of a little girl name Ling

    http://stephenchuah.blogspot.com/2009/09/story-of-little-girl-name-ling.html

    Nice to meet you.. I'm Stephen

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  15. Keep on fighting Char... there's always sunshine after the rains.

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  16. I know how you feel. No, really. I. Know. How. You. Feel.

    I've was laid off on Christmas Eve last year, and the first couple of months of frantically trying to get a job, just floored me.

    At 40 (soon to be 41), this is not a good place to be. Well, I guess for any age.

    Sending you well-wishes, strong (((hugs))), and lots of lovin'

    :-)

    -me

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  17. Things will improve, it will get better.

    This is what I am telling Gar everyday, sometimes many times a day. It's been 7 months for him.

    It is a struggle staying positive and always being up. But this to shall pass. It has to.

    Jen

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  18. that's right !
    put those boxing gloves on and swing away !
    and you know... we are all here to support you in any way we possibly can !!

    do you want to relocate ?
    madison is a great place to live....
    seriously, I think you'd love it !!!

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  19. Honey, you are caught in the middle of something that is so much bigger than you - it isn't you!

    And you are not required to keep a positive attitude at all times. Give yourself a chance to feel bummed out, just keep plugging away while you do it.

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  20. i appreciate your honesty char...i really have nothing to say that has not been said here. Just know I care.

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  21. Gosh it sounds like you have kept your spirits high for so long, it must be hard to either keep getting rejected or not hearing back and not having true and positive feed back, to experienced is just a crock of an excuse.

    I am sure by now you have tried every trick in the book, but in case you have over looked something can I suggest you try a real job agency, not those on line site. Most people I know include myself have gotten their job that way.

    Keep your chin up, the right job will come along.

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  22. I'm so sorry. I hope things continue to get better. You are so talented, have you thought about doing weddings and your photography full time? You have such a knack for it. I wish you the best!

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  23. Char, I had no idea! My sporadic absences from these sites means I've missed this piece of your story. I am so sorry . . . I would be lost without my job I love so much, not to mention I can't imagine how I'd make it even a few months without that paycheck. (Makes mental note to start saving, even just a little every month . . . IMMEDIATELY!) I haven't been out in the job market for over 25 years, so I'm no help there. How are you managing? Is there anything we can do to help?

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  24. Those wee hours of the morning are brutal. I sleep from 12-3am nightly if I can sleep at all and those hours from 3-6am are the most humble hours of my life. They are the hours I am most honest with myself and, I suspect, the reason behind why I sleep so little.
    But there's clarity in the morning upon waking. And there's a time for pity parties (sometimes they last for weeks) and a time for trying something different. My vote is for your photography. Your heart seems there and, if you have family to help you out, I'd give it a try if your previous job experiences aren't panning out careers as they should. But the market will turn around. Time. It's always a matter of time. That's the brutality of it though, huh?
    With that, sending you warm wishes from IA. :)

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  25. i can't say that i have any answers, but keep fighting girl! i can help you look.

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  26. Keep fighting, sister. Keep fighting. Does it sound weird for me to tell you that I am proud of you? I am.

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  27. IT's so hard. I"ve been there. I thank you for your continued comments on my blog when you are going through such a difficult time. God bless you.
    V

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  28. “if one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.”

    - Flavia Weedn

    sending happy thoughts, char ...

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  29. Char,
    Its time to look Fear square in the face and tell it whose BOSS! There's a song from a friend of mine that's called Be Brave...ask Dani about it. Its a great lifter!

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  30. Understood. it is 3:40 a.m. and I'm up reading your blog. Obviously much in common. I have a job, small, part-time. But alone. Let's both hang in there!

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  31. So sorry, Char. It's important to keep up the fight, but also to acknowledge how you're feeling. I believe the door you're looking for will open very soon! Sending positive thoughts, prayers, strength, energy....to you! ♥

    xo

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  32. i went thru this in may 2008 and it was so scary. my heart goes out to you!!! please keep the faith and keep trying. have you thought of getting off monster, etc. and go on a personal campaign with resume in hand?

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  33. I have never found anything useful on those online job sites either. Every job I have ever gotten was from directly applying without ever seeing an ad. You never know, a company could be about to lose someone when they get your resume in the mail and they could think, "Hey, now we don't have to post that ad!"

    But I know how frustrating it has to be, my life being full of frustration the past couple of years. Your writing, your positive attitude, your photography... it all helps me keep going. So thank you. :)

    ...Celine

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  34. I'm new to your site and I'll get this out of the way: Roll Tide and War Eagle. ok. Born and raised in north Alabama but been in FL the last 5 (sob) years. Real estate bubble burst/investment portfolio reduced by 70%/worked *ss off but got laid off n.e.way/back in college to lurn somethin' new which sucks/working for almost half what I made before/miss my momma, too. if you don't want to be cheerful or positive then don't be. Just tell yourself that after the pity party you'll pull yourself up by your bra staps and try again tomorrow. But for today you're going to feel the way you feel. Your photography is sphere. Sorry this is long but,hello, and IFYP.

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  35. It's rarely good to wake up in the middle of the night. It makes you feel alone and small.
    I think of you often. I think of you when I get mad at my job and feel blessed to have it at the same time. I think of so many of the people in this country who don't have jobs. And I wonder 'how long can this last?' Because it's so wrong.
    I have always admired you from afar. Ever since I first laid eyes on your site and heard your story. You have something my mother used to call 'moxie'. Call it that or gumption, or just a good attitude.

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  36. Hey char...just got back from my trip and read this. You know I TOTALLY relate to those 3Am thoughts. You and I are in the same boat. So you take one oar.I'll take the other and hopefully we can keep from going in circles! :-)

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  37. i know about those 3:30 a.m. fears...they're the worst ones. if you find the magic cure for those, you can surely sell it because many people will buy.

    xox,
    /j

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  38. Oh, 3:00am is the worst! We all get those fears about one thing or another... If you need to vent, email me -- I'm a good listener. :)

    I'll be thinking of you and praying that you find something soon.
    xoxo,
    Mary

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  39. ...This is such a terrible time for so many...It does make me appreciate the little things I have...Better times are on the way...

    xo

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i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.