March 15, 2011

today at lunch i read a story in oprah's magazine that moved me to tears.  i ate macaroni and cheese that was orange and buttery as the tears slipped silently down my cheeks and i wanted to reach through the veil of words to heal the author has i've healed my wounds over the years.  guilt is a terrible beast that nashes with sharp, stone-lined teeth and scars with steel bladed talons...and until we irrigate the poison out of our system, it lingers. 

i've been melancholy as i'm sure a lot of you have - watching helplessly a the tragedy in japan. sure we can send money and prayers and good wishes, but wanting to do so much more pulls at me.  along with the rain, the gray skies, the runaway menopause (i'm too young to feel this damn old), the time change, the...the...the...it seems too much you know?  just too much. 

and i know others are there too.  so, anyway - the people that responded to my pay it forward giveaway so far - i've lost track of who was in the top five and all that..so, you know what - you're all winners.  it may take me a while, but...i will send you something from my list.  if you want to do a pay it forward, then so be it - have fun with it.

there were also some that want to do a spring swap but i see that se'lah is doing one currently and i don't want to take away from hers.  so....let's not do that right now.  i will brainstorm and maybe we can do a early summer swap instead. 

i've been obsessed with pinterest lately.  i think it's a great marketing tool that you have to apply and they put you on the waiting list - it gives it that extra boost of desire or something.  so many pretty things and so little time.  look me up if you are on there so i can see what you love too.

today on my ipod - just the way you are (bruno mars), three more days (ray lamontagne), north dakota (lyle lovett), only the young (journey), will you love me tomorrow (carole king), life in the storm (edwin mccain), wonderwall (oasis), rainy day blues (willie nelson & jonny lang), love train (the o'jays), a thing called love (bonnie raitt)
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20 comments:

  1. bethMarch 15, 2011 at 3:51 PM

    i want to do more, too....
    i wish i was part of red cross....the part that gets to fly to the disaster and give away hugs....that's what i want to do.

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  2. Brenda PruittMarch 15, 2011 at 4:06 PM

    I spent a good part of the morning on Pinterest! See ya there! (Oh, and yeah, that menopause monster is one ugly beast, I'm here to tell ya.)
    Brenda

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  3. nicoleMarch 15, 2011 at 4:57 PM

    hang on tight.

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  4. CarolineMarch 15, 2011 at 5:18 PM

    Beautifully written char...wow...especially how you describe guilt. Not sure what you have been doing lately, but your writing is just getting better and better. Really!!! And just the way you are *sigh* such a fabulous song.

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  5. Country GirlMarch 15, 2011 at 6:04 PM

    Watching the news tonight, I started crying. Just seeing all the suffering, the fear and the sadness of my fellow humans is making me sick. And I feel helpless.
    I know what you mean about the menopause thing. My husband and I were just talking tonight about being too young to feel this old.
    I love that Carole King version on your iPod.

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  6. christinaMarch 15, 2011 at 8:36 PM

    this touches me- it really does.
    xoxo

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  7. GailOMarch 15, 2011 at 11:14 PM

    I just may have to stop watching the news on tv...it has become overwhelming to deal with on so many levels...I love what Beth said about joining the Red Cross and going over to give out hugs:) I would do that too:)

    I did get invited to join Pinterest but have been to sick and busy to start anything there...maybe tomorrow...

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  8. GailOMarch 15, 2011 at 11:16 PM

    ...oh and I meant to add that I have come out on the other side of menopause and it isn't too bad:)

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  9. UnknownMarch 16, 2011 at 2:03 AM

    Hope you are feeling better Char, feeling blue always passes. Thank you for stopping by with well wishes for my show, that means a lot!

    xo Mary Jo

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  10. RuthMarch 16, 2011 at 6:25 AM

    I want to find the points of light in the sorrow. Let's keep feeling, writing, sending our loving energy. I think it makes a difference.

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  11. AmyMarch 16, 2011 at 6:48 AM

    I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to be in the middle of the devastation ... even seeing the pictures. It breaks my heart ...

    And just an aside, an early summer swap sounds fun; maybe my projects will have come through by then and I can actually participate! :)

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  12. Olivia StClaireMarch 16, 2011 at 7:59 AM

    I am so with you - on so much - the menopause thing, the helplessness watching Japan - I actually have been thinking of joining The Red Cross or Peace Corp, if not for mags. Even thinking of going into a convent! What the heck?! What amazes me about the Japanese people is their lack of chaos & their calmness. Here in the US we would be looting & stepping over one another. A time to take stock & see how we really can help.
    xo

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  13. RobinMarch 16, 2011 at 11:48 AM

    Just The Way You Are makes me cry EVERY SINGLE TIME. My heart is broken for Japan, I feel so helpless. Pinterest is a beautiful site that really inspires me and entertains me.

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  14. Denise | Chez DanisseMarch 16, 2011 at 8:58 PM

    Life... There are all of those things that break our heart, and then there is the beauty of Bonnie Raitt's voice. Sigh. Sending strength to help you get through the rough patches. Take care, Denise

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  15. MaryMarch 17, 2011 at 12:39 AM

    My heart breaks for those poor people -- just one tragedy after another... and at times I think that is not just seeing it on the news... it is almost as if their pain is so great that we feel it in our hearts, even so many miles away...

    and the rain, the grey skies, the menopause -- I hear ya! Things will get better though, I'm sure. :)

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  16. UnknownMarch 17, 2011 at 7:43 PM

    sending love to you,
    there really isn't anything to add to your exquisite post.

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  17. ELKMarch 18, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    it can be a bit too much .. I do not watch alot of the news .. I need a buffer, the tears you speak of are good to shed char.

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  18. ELKMarch 18, 2011 at 5:43 PM

    my daughter and I were singing just the way you are today ..great happy song

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  19. SusanMarch 19, 2011 at 4:55 AM

    It is so heartbreaking and I feel so helpless in the face of such tragedy. Giving a few measly dollars seems so little, but when everyone's measly contribution comes together it makes a great big something. Did you see that Sandra Bullock sent $1 million to the Red Cross? She is one classy lady with a big heart. She has done that in every major disaster in recent years. If there is one celebrity I would love to meet and have conversation with, it is her.

    Sorry that menopause is hitting you so hard...it does get better eventually. :)

    ((hugs))

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  20. AnonymousMarch 22, 2011 at 4:13 PM

    Overwhelming, the sadness in Japan. I keep hearing these stories about how everyone there is very calm. When food and water run out, there are no riots or looting. Which brings me hope that they are on the right path and will rebuild at an astonishing pace. I don't know how I stumbled across your blog but hi!

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i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.

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