January 27, 2009
it's dawn and the traffic is barely moving outside my windows - the light is gray and the mercury lights are casting a yellow glow on the damp pavement. my cheek itches as a mosquito bit me while I fitfully slept last night. this is the earliest I've awoken in a month.
the shower is warm and washes away the sleep from my eyes and I realize what I've been feeling is grief. grief for a job that I haven't had for a month. I used to fuss and rail at getting up at 6:30 and now I would love to have a purpose to do so. I know that I will love the new life before me but the realization that the denial and lack of motivation was in truth, grief, instead of depression frees me. the mirror reflects the knowledge in my eyes.
my hair wrapped in a sage green towel, the television murmuring in the background - TLC I think. I make my list of tasks for the day. today my focus is the bedroom. my comfort and my retreat. I wonder what to do with the Tarkay that has been my companion over the years. two women at a bistro, I've often wondered what they chatted about as they sipped their wine. was it men, fashion or other meaningles gossip? or was it poetry, fiction or some other bit of knowledge? who knows?
nothing is forever, not even this. the month is almost over and february beckons to me. waving its arms and calling, promises of chocolate and laughter - warmth of a family. and I hear the echoes of warmth that will come again. I hear the giggles of children and it makes me smile. and I rise like Maya...oh yes, I rise.
scribbled by Char