July 27, 2009

bits and pieces again

it was a busy weekend. you know one of those were you have time but don't really have time? in it i had dinner with family, went to the land of oz and timetraveled back to the sixties . . . friday night i realized that young palates do not really get the subtle differences between ground beef and italian sausage - just that it tastes 'weird'. and that dark caramel is not really burned (they ate it though).

saturday i realized that love can be expressed in many, many ways - in this case my friend lisa had this beautiful, wonderful over the top birthday party for her granddaughter were we were all transported over the rainbow to munchkin land. and the children adored it. then we spent the afternoon recovering on the front porch. i love just sitting around with friends on the porch . . . i got caught up with them and found how much i missed a lot of people.

sunday my sister and friend, charolette, went to see beehive. a very fun show - i remember my mom listening to so many of these songs. though the crowd was mostly gray - it was so cute when the crowd was pulled into participating.

now for the winner of the giveaway at french cupboard! from my count, fifteen people registered for the giveaway by leaving comments for their favorite shot in my etsy shop. the winners are: Mishka (Oh, Mishka) and Susan (bear swamp reflections). i'm sending e-mails, but if you ladies happen to see this - will you confirm your choices and size of the print?

i spent a lot of the weekend thinking of a lot of things - things that haven't quite jelled yet, things that have solitified when i haven't wanted that and well, lots and lots of things. have you ever just held stuff close to your heart? it is not that i don't want to share them, i just can't find words to express them. some times the things are just so small and trivial, i think to myself, who gives a rat's behind about it all . . . and things some times so big and scary that i can't breathe. that i wake up in the small wee hours and i can't breathe. the overshare.

everything lately feels forced and difficult - as if i'm walking through three foot pools of jello. disconnected and just weird . . . so weird. i know the cure but then i have panic attacks about that too - will i remember how to work when i get work again? just silly, i know it's silly. my rational, logical, analytical side knows how very silly i am. as we say in my family, coo-coo-cacao puffs. i am sick of thinking about it but i can't stop thinking about it. and yes, i give myself breaks, i think positive...ack. stop. stop. stop.

17 comments:

  1. Sounds like you had a lovely weekend. Mine was a bit nutty...but today is cloudy and gray...and I will chill out ;)

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  2. Glads are one of my favourite flowers ... I remember reading the Julie/Julia blog before it became a book and am suitably impressed ... blogging hits the hollywood big time!

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  3. the previews for julie and julia look amazing...and I don't even like to cook !

    I've seen the previews at the theatre and I'm not sure if they are the same as the trailer.....but anyhow...can't wait to see it myself !!!

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  4. Oh, my dear, overthinking will get you every time. Just do what you want to do and the rest will follow. You have not forgotten everything you know and you have not forgotten how to "work". When you get the job you want, everything will fall into place. Don't be so hard on yourself. I know it is scary. I'm hoping good things happen (jobwise) for you soon.

    Hugs.

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  5. LOl...I giggle at my comment above now...

    Anyway, I totally know what you are going through. I feel the same much of the time. I would like to go back to work again...it's been so long though. Not even sure what I am qualified to do! Anyway...that's why I just threw my hands up and said to the universe: "I am not trying anymore...just make it happen."

    So...we'll see what happens...

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  6. You sound restless - a bit. I hope things clear for you soon.

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  7. I like your bits and pieces,
    ;)

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  8. oh god. the being out of work thing takes a toll in many ways. i know it is a huge struggle, and it is sometimes hard to enjoy "free" time when the future is so undetermined. i hope there is a good break for you soon, and that you land a nice job. hang in there!

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  9. Char, I know what you mean about the working part, sometimes I dream that I don't remember how either. For me it is my illness, but I hate that it gives me limitations. Hopefully soon for you, for some peace of mind. Take care, cinner

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  10. Char dear, how I can relate! hope you get what you so dearly deserve...Hope it'd be clearer/brighter very soon! xo*

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  11. Your writing voice is worth a million bucks, in my opinion. Chin up! Your weekends seem lovely to me. Always. You live more in one day than most do in weeks, kiddo. All good souls are rewarded. Eventually. :)

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  12. i know what you mean. "sick of thinking about it, but can't stop thinking about it." i wonder why that is.

    i think going through stages like this for you and i {and anyone else who lost their job} is more difficult, because we have ALL this extra time on our hands, and it is easy to think about things--things that we might otherwise be too busy to think about.

    well, that said . . . i left someone a quote today--one that is a favorite of mine. and i want to encourage you with it, too.

    "dwell in possibility."

    hugs, miss char. hugs from up north down south. :)

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  13. relaxing on the porch is one of my favorite things to do.

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  14. you will do it char...whatever IT is...close to your heart is where things belong at times, until they are ready to bloom

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  15. You seem to be having the very common doubts people get when they haven't done something in a while. But it will all come back, I'm sure of it.
    The party attended and the easy breezy weekend was wonderful to read, Char. And what a pretty name you mentioned, Charolette.
    And when I think someone's nuts, I always say they're coo-coo for cocoa puffs.

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  16. i have had weekends like this. yes, i agree- give yourself plenty of breaks.
    peace

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  17. "Feeling like walking in jello" is a good description for a life in suspension...my life has been in suspension for two years for a different reason...and this is exactly how I feel at times...you express yourself so well Char....

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i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.