but, after a good talking to by my instructor and a healthy helping of pulling my head out of my own ass, i will not bore you with the details of said insecurity. it's never pretty.
instead i will tell you the beauty of the full-ish moon peeking her buttery head over dark storm clouds and the silvery bolts dancing and jumping to the thunder's song last night. as the rain fell and fell and fell, i drove south - hazard lights on as i inched along the highway with an 18-wheeler and a red chevy. i cleared my head. i released some of the pressure i've been falsely attributing to other sources. i listened to the sheer poetry of dylan, petty and lovett - marveling in their words. i got home safely and was glad to be in my bed.
so, my question is - how do you deal with insecurity? we know we're our own worst critics, right? how do you move past the "everything i do lately is crap" phase?
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today on my ipod - she's my kind of rain (tim mcgraw), i won't back down (tom petty), born to run (bruce springsteen), sunday morning coming down (johnny cash), lie to me (jonny lang), scarlet begonias (grateful dead), hurricane (bob dylan), private conversation (lyle lovett), tiny dancer (elton john), landslide (stevie nicks)
beautiful words? Love that bit about the moon. I'm sad I couldn't see it out my window last night. I always miss it. One day...
ReplyDeleteI think it's hard to except one's own self. Sometimes I wonder how hard I'd try if I thought I was perfect?
Sometimes it takes a storm to clear out the cobwebs. Concentrating on something besides myself usually puts things into perspective. It ain't all about me.
ReplyDeleteLove your iPod songs.
oh it is such a struggle...but there will always be those days when SOMETHING is crap...sorry I cannot be more helpful but i do completely understand..unbelievable list of poets that write music there!!
ReplyDeleteWe do beat ourselves up so bad sometimes. We need to stop "comparing" ourselves to others and thinking that "theirs is better than mine". Our work, talents, and selves are unique from everyones. But like Kris said above: How hard would we try if we thought we were perfect? I have to remind myself that I can learn from others and try to achieve something greater from my own self with that knowledge. Who's to say one is better than the other? It's all a matter of opinion. =) We used to have a critique session in college with all our photos pinned up and everyone got their turn at each one. Sometimes it was very hard. But what we have to do is learn and take that advice/criticism and ponder and grow with it. Self respect is just as important.
ReplyDeletelove your ipod hits!
ReplyDeletethanks so much for the birthday wishes...this has been such an amazing day...thanks!
one love.
I find if I don't have down time, solitude, every day, I don't get that balance, of feeling that I'm good enough. The flip side is when I judge others for not being the ideal self I have for them to be. Such silliness.
ReplyDeleteI love me some Lovett.
Oh, and I'm so sorry about your cat.
ReplyDeletei love lovett too...he's amazing.
ReplyDeletei'm lucky or very spoiled.....as soon as i start to fall into that insecurity vat of slime, my hubby is always there to immediately pull me out....even if i want to stay and swim for a bit.
ReplyDeleteand in your last post.....i have lived at the farmer's market this year...every week i go and smile and buy and now they know me and i love it....
thanks for reminding me about Lyle Lovett. it's been too long since i have listened to him...
ReplyDeletei have to work on letting go of *everything* everyday. :) at a minimum i aim for 5 minutes of sitting in the morning and 5 minutes of sitting at night. if i can do more, i do. when i am sitting, i just sit and breathe ...breathing in and out through my nose. when a thought comes up, i recognize it and work on letting it go with a long exhale.
this helps me let go of thoughts/feelings that come up anytime, especially when i am insecure or beating myself up. during those times i try to add some sitting time even turning it in to standing time while i am in line at a store or driving time. i need quiet time to myself & or i go crazy, and most importantly i cannot see what is right in front of me.
Sometimes it helps to look back on things that you've done that you DO feel good about. We're never 100% all the time and some days we are a little off in what we're producing. I know when I have a terrible photo taking run, I get pretty down about it. So I go back through some shots that I'm really proud of and just kind of kick myself into remembering that I'm not as bad as I'd have myself believe.
ReplyDeleteOn a sidenote: I'm jealous of your close proximity to lily pads. I seriously need to get some of those bad boys around me somehow...they are so pretty.
Oh gosh...when I get into those funks...I literally just ride it out. Usually it's hormonal and I know that the next day I will feel better. Good music does help though :) xoxo
ReplyDeleteoh do i understand, friend. do i. i find if i retreat to adventures outside (solo runs, walks), time on the yoga mat, writing down all the crap in my head just to get it out and make space, and quietly reminding myself (sometimes over and over and over again) 'i am enough." hang in there
ReplyDeleteI'm agree with that, we are our worst enemy.
ReplyDeleteIt's stupid, but it's difficult to let the insecurity out..
I think I forget about it when I'm having fun.
xxx
strange symmetry across the ocean - i also listened to landslide, born to run and i wont back down yesterday - all on a whim to let my ipod genius pull out some old tracks i haven't listened to in a while...
ReplyDeleteinsecurity plagues me daily, my current worry is that i am talking to myself on my blog, that no-one is listening... (except you of course!) and I constantly worry about all sorts of other insecure thoughts - my best way to deal with them is to just do something creative - anything at all, be it an abstract painting, putting some flowers in a vase, taking a polaroid, whatever.... and 9 times out of 10 the pleasure in the process, takes away the worry..... it works for me anyway.
You have nothing to worry about though - your creativity is a beacon... just read back your own description of the moon and the light and remind yourself how beautiful you are through and through :)
stay positive, jo
thank you all. each of you have such good words of wisdom. it's really a pain isn't it, when you know within your hearts of hearts that you're doing it to yourself - this silly pressure we pile on? ugh...maybe it's the heat too.
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew... Now that I'm stepping into portrait photography I am in full doubt mode 24/7, which is exhausting. If you figure it out let me know.
ReplyDeletea wonderful post. i try to ignore my insecurities--and then, well a toss of a coin decides the outcome.
ReplyDeletethank you for commenting and visiting my blog,
warm smiles,
As it relates to photography, I don't have to deal with that yet. I am too new. I know it's not that great and won't be for a while. So. No worries. I just keep showing up with the camera in hand.
ReplyDeleteInsecurity? It's inevitable. I know it will come and then it will go...and on and on. I agree, it's not always pretty, but we are all paid a visit every now and again.
ReplyDeleteI think that I have felt insecure about what I do so often that I mostly deal with it by just not thinking about it and waiting to see what the next day brings...
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ReplyDeleteI agree with Denise... It helps some to keep in mind that insecurity comes and goes, always. But it doesn't always help, no? Sigh.
ReplyDeletexoox,
-maria
wow... how did i miss this??? i am feeling so insecure lately and could do with some pulling out of my head from my ass. thanks... and I want a drive ... alone... with my music!!! sounds like just the ticket. ;)
ReplyDeleteHow do I deal with insecurity? It's something I rarely talk about and when I do, I'm always afraid that people will think I'm fishing for compliments to boost me up. I guess I deal with it pretty poorly and just hope the feeling disappears soon.
ReplyDeleteThe only consolation is that everyone feels this way from time to time. Even the greats.
Boy, I don't know. I have been battling these kinds of thoughts my whole life. But it is comforting to read through these comments and find that everyone else suffers from this from time to time as well.
ReplyDeleteWe really are all the same.