January 13, 2011

i never can pronounce it right - chop-RA or CHO-pra

thoreau was right, there is not remedy for true love - unconditional love.  just an observation really.  and a thought about love.

i've been giving a lot of thought lately to what purpose my  life has ... well besides just the living it to the best of my ability.  sometimes i struggle with that - about, mattering and leaving something behind that i can be proud of at the end of the day.  and, i do think that...mostly, usually....well, on the good days.  and most of my days lately are good days.  of course on the bumpy days i certainly tend to think "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think i'll go eat worms."  isn't that self-doubt thing a pain in the rumpus?  but aside from all of that... am i here only to be a good sister, a good aunt, a good worker, a good friend....a good...something...fill in the blank...depends on the day of the week? 

how do you know?  i feel stagnant and stale.  not in a bad mopey way.  i mean, my life is good.  there is no drama - my family is well, work is settling back down (i think), and well....it's good.  is this contentment?  am i supposed to feel something ...more?  what is more?

or is more something like that funny thing....happiness?  the more you search the further it is until one day you just wake and realize, it was right there beside you and you didn't shake it's hand?  these are thoughts running through my brain.  and i relate some of them back to reading chopra's thoughts on "how to be happy" when he says, "life has a purpose."
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23 comments:

  1. UnknownJanuary 13, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    I like thinking that happiness is a choice--it's so hard to remember that when sometimes it just forces itself on us and we think it's always supposed to be that way. btw--I've been saying show-pra for all these years, now you've got me wondering :)

    xo Mary Jo

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  2. stephanieJanuary 13, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    Hear, hear! I know what you mean. I have been feeling that way a lot lately. Not really a bad mood, just more really trying to figure out what it is that I'm doing and can I do more to feel more "alive." There's more to my life than just going through the motions, even if going through the motions isn't causing me any harm. So much to think about and sort out. xo.

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  3. We Blog ArtistsJanuary 13, 2011 at 11:35 AM

    I hear you too...not an easy thought to process...it's been on my mind too...have I missed the boat? will it be back to give me another chance?
    I believe if you're doing your daily duties to the best and fullest that you can...it can be enough...BUT if you have cravings for more...then you really have to step out of your box and make things happen for yourself...
    We're getting older...we have our friends...we do our day to day activities...and unless we choose to differ...then we will be heading the same direction as before...
    Hmmm...thanks for the thoughts.
    HUGS you're a wonderful Being and I am honoured to have your words to look upon daily.
    Char.x

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  4. spread your wingsJanuary 13, 2011 at 11:54 AM

    I relate to these thoughts you have. a lot. and you express them so well. the problem is i guess i tend to just push those thoughts away instead of do anything about it. not good.

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  5. SkogkjerringJanuary 13, 2011 at 1:02 PM

    What I like about your posts are how you share your inner thoughts as if you're talking to yourself but you're sharing everything with us. I can totally relate to this post, wondering what else is there, is this it? Am I living my life to the best of my ability? Am I doing everything I can? Is this satisfying to me or what's missing? I don't have the answers..I wish I did...but they are thoughts that go through my head like they are obviously doing with you. If you get the answers could you let me know? Of course they will be for your life but maybe they'll give me a hint about mine ;-)

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  6. CharJanuary 13, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    thanks y'all - i'm glad to know i'm not alone on this island. and i wonder sometimes that we're so hooked on now, now, now and instant gratification that when we achieve that it is difficult to be comfortable because we are so used to the "race." so we think there has to be another race and another...and another...

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  7. christinaJanuary 13, 2011 at 2:10 PM

    i am feeling the same thing. i think you need to have a slumber party, and we can all talk about "it". I know I would feel a ton better.
    : )

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  8. CarolineJanuary 13, 2011 at 3:00 PM

    Oh I get this....I really really do. I think sometimes, what's with me? I am supposed to be something? I suppose at the end of the day, all that maters is that you did your best, you give love you receive love and enjoy the little moments and awe at the big ones ;)

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  9. Shelby and BevJanuary 13, 2011 at 3:42 PM

    eat more cookies :)

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  10. McGillicuttyJanuary 13, 2011 at 5:18 PM

    January is kind of a stagnant month after all the hoopla of resolutions die down. I vowed to do a Happiness Project but still haven't done the first thing yet!! LOL.

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  11. Erin WallaceJanuary 13, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    I've been feeling sort of off recently, too. But what I do know is that the people who worry about these things are the people who ARE leaving meaningful parts of themselves behind in the world, who are making a difference, even if it feels like they aren't. And I think happiness has a lot to do with accepting oneself for who God make us to be and living each day simply. Since I've scaled back and quite trying to be supermama, I truly think I am a better mama and am much happier.

    xo Erin

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  12. CoraJanuary 13, 2011 at 6:43 PM

    We all get bit by the "I'm not satisfied" bug. That feeling of unworthiness. Like my post, the one about "what is life all about", we often wonder and question what's going on. Do what makes you happy and enjoy the ride because no matter what we do day to day there will always be the twists & turns and ups & downs....

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  13. Country GirlJanuary 13, 2011 at 6:58 PM

    Happiness is fleeting - as it should be, I think. But contentment - well, that's where it's at.
    With lots of moments of happiness thrown in for good measure.

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  14. GailOJanuary 13, 2011 at 7:50 PM

    You know, Char, I don't find these questions any easier to answer as I get older. Now I find myself pondering what I hope this last twenty or thirty years (if I'm lucky)will hold for me. We can only do our best and choose happiness...be be grateful for what we have:)
    xo

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  15. AnonymousJanuary 13, 2011 at 8:41 PM

    i know what you mean. i think that too, from time to time.

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  16. Sandi @the WhistleStop CafeJanuary 14, 2011 at 9:02 AM

    to be in the moment
    to give of myself
    to value life...

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  17. drollgirlJanuary 14, 2011 at 3:47 PM

    i think it is great to be content, and to strive for that state. with as many happy moments as possible sprinkled on top! the ups and downs and discontent in life can be tricky to navigate. very tricky.

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  18. bethJanuary 15, 2011 at 8:43 AM

    i think your life really is good and if "as good as it gets" is where any of us ends up....i can't believe that's a bad thing....at all.
    xo

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  19. UnspokenJanuary 15, 2011 at 11:10 AM

    Oh my gosh! Yes. I hear you.

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  20. UnknownJanuary 17, 2011 at 10:55 AM

    I suppose we can't know or imagine how our living sends out ripples, sparks , and I always forget to remember that. That matters, even when I'm just in the mundane of endless, in the loop of what is the point.

    It is a certain kind of peace. Just being.

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  21. sallyJanuary 17, 2011 at 10:55 PM

    the ups and downs are always part of our lives...the only thing that differentiate yours from ours is that you tell it in a remarkable way. Love your writing...

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  22. What Karen SeesJanuary 18, 2011 at 9:12 AM

    So lovely. You are truly a gifted photographer. Medicine for me during the 'down' times is to count my blessings, then forget about myself and try to find someone to help!

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  23. ELKJanuary 19, 2011 at 3:52 PM

    i understand char .

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i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.

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