December 7, 2007

giving into the wave

Life has an ebb and flow much like the ocean. Ups and downs much like the tidal pull of the moon. I've been thinking a lot of things I need to let go - things that I may never see an end to or know why it works that way. Things that drag me down like the mariner's albatross. Why I chain myself when I could be free.

Instead of sending messages in a bottle. What if I put in worries and woes and let them go. Without guilt. Without worry. Maybe with a smidgen of love and a sigh of release? If I could envision letting these things go, maybe I would feel more at ease with myself. I know the person that burdens herself the most is, I wrap myself in chains and as the Eagles say, "never know I have the key."

Well, actually I do know that I have the key. But, I'm afraid of using it at times. I've grown so used to the weight of the chains that I'm scared to know what it's like to feel "light." Funny word "light." You can feel light, meaning you don't weigh as much can have "light". Light illumination in the darkness.

So....I digress as I often do. Taking the sidecar to other places in my thoughts. Opening this door and that one, just to remember what I put there. Another way of avoiding letting go. So...what will I put in the bottle today? What will I let go of - releasing it so I no longer have to carry it around?

Today I'm going to work on false guilt. It's a big burden. I put on myself the burden of things that I think others expect of me. I hold on so tight that I beat myself with it. Things I thought I should have done when there was no other alternative. Things I wish I had done when there was no way to to them. A lot of things. Guilt, as Sister aptly pointed out, is admission of a crime. We think we're more criminal than we truly are usually. Well...some of us do anyway. But that's another blog.

1 comment:

  1. this was a great post i was searching for a picture of ebb and flow and ocean and life and this post actually is something i am working on letting go of the past and healing towards a better future! i look forward to reading your posts! Thanks


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