May 31, 2008


It was everything that I wanted it to be. perfection for me.

May 28, 2008

wow - what a week

It's hard to believe how long its been since I've written anything besides a business report. I've even neglected my daybook, which I didn't really want to do. Last week was crazy at work and this week doesn't look much better. What did I learn last week? I've been trying to really discover the lessons in well, everything.

Good things: I know my job..very well, actually. I hate where I live, more and more every day. That will have to change. I know I put that under the category of good things, but it is a good thing even though hate is involved. Maybe that will light a fire under my ass.

Bad things: I'm too old to feel this damn tired. I've let exercise or healthy eating go by the wayside and as a result, I'm exhausted. The depression killed a lot of the caring about my appearance so I have to get back on the wagon. The on-going battle with mom's storage unit has about done me in - especially weird was the call on my cell phone asking for my mother. Luckily I was in town last weekend and it's resolved. Time will tell about that.

Did I tell you my nieces are so smart? Well they are. know. Accept my word for it. My nephews are too. They just older and don't play so much with me. The youngest nephew works really hard and his grades reflect that. The oldest nephew, I fear, is way too much like his aunt. Relying on inate ability can burn you sometimes. He's learned some hard lessons this year. I wish I could embrace him and take it all on me...but some lessons have to be learned by the person. I can reach back and hear my mother giving me the same exact advice. I didn't listen either.

The last two days have been quite insane. I awoke at 4:30 a.m. on Tuesday to fly to Chicago to drive to southwest Indiana and make the slow trek back seeing about 15-20 nursing homes in two days. I worked until 9:30 last night and fell into bed exhausted. My cell phone kept altering between central and eastern time as I danced close to borders. It was very difficult at times to tell where I was except on a country road between wheatfields. I saw a giant wind farm that was awesome to see. I wish I had time to stop and photograph it. I tried a windshield shot but it was not so great. Then there was the insane dash to Chicago to catch my Southwest flight. (I hate SW by the way)

So, tonight, it's feet up and relaxation. Hope your week is better than mine.

May 18, 2008

My Sunday Daybook

For today: (sunday, may 18, 2008 9:29 p.m.) I will appreciate the bounty of my life.
Outside my window: it's a clearing sky with light clouds and a few stars. I hear traffic in the distance and the whirl of the fan blowing the cooler air into my apartment.
I am thinking: my life is a blend of cycles, ups and downs, goods and bads, happys and sads. it's a good thing as in judism when you have the bitter at passover. this has been a good weekend in the midst of a chaotic week last week - not in a bad way, just in a busy, busy way.
I am creating: a sense of peace and moving forward. literally, I created a new recipe today that I adore (though it's fattening) and my photography is a waiting, breathing animal that I've put up for a few days.
I am wearing: around the apartment clothes - nothing fancy for sure.
I am reading: nothing - the top 10 list appeared to be mostly trades this week. I am re-reading "prince of tides" by pat conroy for a book club.
I am hoping to watch: nothing right now - I'm still thinking of how they managed "love in the time of cholera".
Around the house: smells of dinner, the tightness of my hands after washing the dishes, and the purse loaded for things I want to take to work tomorrow.
One of my favourite things: sprigs of lavendar.

bad wine, good music and happy weather

Yesterday I was alternately excited and then not so excited about going to a somewhat local winery to meet-up with a few friends and listen to some jazz under the stars. Excited, well because it was something different. Not so excited, well....because it's a fairly new group of friends and I'm still trying to figure out my place in the synergy that makes up a larger group of women and their assorted significant others. Turns out, newlyweds don't like to leave their husbands on a Saturday night and it also turns out, newlywed husbands don't really care for jazz under the stars.

So, here are the results of the final decision to go: (1) Wine - ewww, basically reminded me of a more potent Boone's Farm variety. I didn't pick it...bottles were $16 each (that should have been my first clue about the quality) so the woman splitting with me picked it. (2) Food - pretty good. Limited selection but the Texas caviar (black bean salsa with black eyed peas mixed in) was very yummy. (3) Music - very nice for a local band. A good selection of The Temptations, Al Green, Smokey Robinson, Tracy Chapman....well, you get the idea. (4) Company - good, a good selection of professional women and some with spouses. (5) Gas - OUCH. But in the end, I guess it was worth the $16 it took to drive there and back.

So, Saturday was a success. Sunday was a lazy day - I cooked some INCREDIBLE pasta. I had to look for someone to slap it was so good. Turns out, it just pissed the cat off is all. I'm still fat and sassy for that.

A good weekend - spend with some good friends. The weather was one of those wonderful things that make you happy to live in the south.

May 16, 2008

blue skies

This is what the sky looks like at 7:00 a.m. A lot prettier over than under for sure.

"So kiss me and smile for me, Tell me that you'll wait for me, Hold me like you'll never let me go 'cause I'm leavin on a jet plane"

Pity is, I always know when I'll be back again.

May 13, 2008

inner workings

I've come to realize that.....well, a lot of things really. There are many unsolved mysteries in this world but I'm not one of them anymore. I've turned myself inside out and have mostly figured how what makes me tick and what pushes my buttons. Not that I don't get frustrated and angry with myself with I try to make something work and it doesn't.

There are those moments then when I want to fling something across the room and swear in my very loudest voice. *sigh* And then I want to sit and cry at myself. So angry, so tightly wound, so .... just so..... The three-year-old girl in me wants to kick and scream. But, I'm an adult. Those things are really solving nothing, right? Neither does a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream but it feels almost as good.

No, I'll never understand most other people but I have a better handle on myself. These days...or maybe just for today. Who knows?

May 11, 2008


My sister called - my brother and his family dropped by on the way to the cementary. The girls were dressed extra sweet and they were going by to put flowers on my mother's grave. They had told GA that they were "visiting" Mimi. So, they get to the graveside, GA asks "where's Mimi". My brother said, she's buried here. "Buried! Here?" Yes.

The question was asked, of course...."is this heaven?" No honey, it's just Alabama.

We all miss her.

May 10, 2008

Sipping coffee and dreamin'

This morning I woke up early - it had been a hot muggy night and I laid there and listened to the steady hum of the fan until the cat found out I was awake. I moved around, feed the feline and sat to wonder what to do. Then I remembered - my favorite part of the late spring - early summer is here. The Saturday veggie market opened today. I shower and grab my oh so yuppie cloth shopping bag. The camera bag was scooped up.

It's a slow start at the Pepper Place. Mostly all that are in are very early baby squash, beets and onions. I think the tomatoes were really from Florida. The coffee man was in place and my favorite bakery had fresh bread. Heaven. I drove by the Botanical Gardens and watched a bit as several little girls in heirloom dressed ran through the rose gardens away from the photographers out for the early light.

Then I remembered cupcakes. What better way to celebrate a day than with cupcakes, right? So, cupcakes and fresh chicken salad was purchased. And I'm home. A perfect kind of morning.

Everywhere I'm flooded with reminders of Mother's Day. There are so many things I could say about that. There are memories of last Mother's Day. Somehow telling my cat that "mama loves you" doesn't quite resonant the way it might with others. I have a mothery personality at times - I want to take care of all my friends and make it right for them. Heal their boo-boos and their hearts with plenty of tea and sympathy. I want to make them laugh. To smile, to sing, to be joyous.

The television is playing low in the background. Rachel is being kinetic and annoying. I sit and sip my slow roasted coffee the woman promised was from Kenya or some exotic land. She waved with a cheery "see you Monday", convinced I would be back for more of the same. How many times do we do something, thinking I'll do this again next time. I savor the moments.

I thought I knew where this writing was going. But, it turns out that I don't. But that's my kind of day really. The unexpected, sometimes delightful twists. I hope you find one for yourself.

May 9, 2008

Some days

I just feel like letting loose...

May 8, 2008

Life goes on....and on

And a month later I rose for air. I have been buried under a deluge of work...tedious, eye-killing, mounds of work. But - in all of the chaos I've found that I'm good at something, my job. Sure, it's the one area that I've had confidence about myself. But with the curve balls of the past couple of months I had faltered and stumbled. Though, I'm late...I'm done with my first publishing of my deal. In less fancy financial talk - I told the lender what the borrowers were doing last quarter.

Life seems to be a lot more hectic these days. Where I used to flounder and struggle to keep myself amused at times, staying alone in my alone-ness, now I find I have things to decide upon and which to do. I think maybe this weekend, that's a good thing. It will be six-months since mom died and Mother's Day. I'm going to plow through it and move along.

So, what are my lessons learned lately. I'm as busy as I will let myself be. I really can do something if I put myself into it. Alone is okay. Alone is pleasant most days.

I've started keeping a day book modeled on another blogger that I admire. Here is the latest page out of mine:

Outside my window: it's cloudy with bursts of heavy rain - the glass looks like tarnished silver.
I am thinking: how happy I am that the quarter is published and I can get back to a sense of what I need to do.
I am thankful that: all loved are healthy.
From the kitchen: my cupboards are bare and I need to go to the grocery on the way home.
I am creating: a portfolio
I am going to be working on: the piles of paper on my desk
I am wearing: black pants, white cami, black polka-dot jacket and I've kicked off my heels.
I am reading: nothing currently, perhaps I'll go to the bookstore too.
I am hoping to watch: Ugly Betty.
I am hearing: the hum of the air conditioner and the pelt of the rain hitting my window. There are subdued quiet voices in the far background and my fingers are clicking sporactically on the keyboard.
Around the house: is clutter since I haven't been home much this week. I'm wondering if I should turn the day trip to Atlanta down in favor of cleaning the clutter.
One of my favorite things: baby toes.