thoughts

my mom always said "if wishes were horses beggars" would ride.  well, she also said something a lot more colorful and crude when i would really whine, but basically her outlook on life was wishing a day away would never solve anything.  and to have anything in life, you had to pull your boots on and get out in the muck to make it happen.

as i was talking to one uncle today, he was relaying a story of how independently we (my brothers, sister and i) were raised.  that we've been a cohesive family unit without much call for others for so long that we don't often think of calling on other people.  i've said that often but it was odd hearing it from someone else.

he also told me that he told the uncle that if i (or any of us) call, then the call should be taken seriously - because we don't call unless we need help.  i think my heart swelled with a kind of pride in some ways.  but, at the same time....should i have been worried?

the main issue is that life just goes by so fast and by the time i think to call...it's been weeks...and then months...and then, i get embarrassed.  i do say, "i'm going to try and be better about...." and then suddenly it's two months later.  i need to just remember to pick up the phone and not put it off. 

so i did...and they were not at home.  *laughs*  but there is always that next time.

...

there are so many dreams in the world.  the dream of peace, safety, security, having plenty to eat.  those dreams make the dreaming by me seem so small and insignificant. 

i read a passage in a book last night.  the character talked about how the stars didn't make her dream but made her feel small and lost.  and i thought how sad that was.

when i look at the grand expanse of space - i see beauty and wonder.  and i search for shooting stars to wish (dream) on.  but no matter the condition of below ... i think one thing is common - the desire to dream (deep down, sometimes way deep).  there are people that are scared of dreaming - their dreams have been ripped to shreds and they keep their dreams locked up tight.  even then, i think they dream.  then there are people that dream despite their scars.  there are the dreamers, the wishers, the glass half-fullers...the ones that cultivate hope and wonder.  i look to those people to cast their rope out to me when i'm feeling small, scarred and scared.  those life preservers.

and still i swim in this grand sea of life - never wanting to give up on dreaming.  staring up at the great big sky and making wishes.