here comes the.....bride?

as i've said before, i rarely remember my dreams so when i do you can believe they will have some sort of message for me.  sunday morning i woke up laughing...laughing so hard that i woke me up.  i'm rather of the jungian school of thought on dreams in that i think they are a way for us to work through whatever issues that need to be resolved in our life and are largely symbolic. 

the dream...

i was at lunch with some faceless friends, one of which turned out to be intuitiative.  as we were chatting amongst the group i described a vision of a single woman laying on a chaise and asked what it meant.  the friend (female) said to me 'stay calm, it will all work out.'  then we chatted and laughed some more while sharing the meal when the friend again turned to me and asked, 'do you want to know the date of your wedding?'  i nodded, clearly skeptical.  she said, 'june 16, 2011 - that is the date.'  i laughed outloud and shook my head.  'no way - no way - there is not even a prospect out there.  i'm not dating, nothing.'  the friend smiled and nodded her head.  then she said, 'i'm just sayin' that is the date.  do with it what you will.' 

i awoke laughing but clearly remembering the entire dream.  the first part was easy - that was a message to myself that in the midst of chaos - things will work out.  i remind myself that only 15% of everything is in my control and that i need to deal with that.  the other 85% i need to make sure that i deal with what impacts me and then let the other go.  but the wedding thing threw me for a loop.  i couldn't figure it out.  so, i consulted the trusty internet dream dictionary....this is what it says (as close as to the situation i'm describing):  To dream that you are planning a wedding to someone you never met, is a metaphor symbolizing the union of your masculine and feminine side. It represents a transitional phase where you are seeking some sort of balance between your aggressive side and emotional side. The dream may also indicate that two previously conflicting aspects are merging together as one.


it makes sense as i am in a transitional place, trying to marrying together the new and old pieces of my job given the changes that have take place in the last few weeks.  it also works out that one side is very aggressive and uncertain, while the other side there is calm of knowing what is happening.  but i wonder about the date - the very specific date.  is it that i think it will take a while for it to work out?  i cannot think of another reason that the date would be significant. 

...

there are so many dreams in the world.  the dream of peace, safety, security, having plenty to eat.  those dreams make the dreaming by me seem so small and insignificant. 

i read a passage in a book last night.  the character talked about how the stars didn't make her dream but made her feel small and lost.  and i thought how sad that was.

when i look at the grand expanse of space - i see beauty and wonder.  and i search for shooting stars to wish (dream) on.  but no matter the condition of below ... i think one thing is common - the desire to dream (deep down, sometimes way deep).  there are people that are scared of dreaming - their dreams have been ripped to shreds and they keep their dreams locked up tight.  even then, i think they dream.  then there are people that dream despite their scars.  there are the dreamers, the wishers, the glass half-fullers...the ones that cultivate hope and wonder.  i look to those people to cast their rope out to me when i'm feeling small, scarred and scared.  those life preservers.

and still i swim in this grand sea of life - never wanting to give up on dreaming.  staring up at the great big sky and making wishes. 

extended forecast

no, this is not a current shot as fall has not quite fallen completely here. but i see signs of it everywhere. we're stuck in this holding pattern of weather lately with rainy days punctuated by semi-colons of sunshine and dashes of wind. the acorns are starting to fall and the dogwood trees have jeweled leaves with trifecta of bright colors. a hummingbird took refuge in the rain under the eaves and smiled her thanks as we watched it rain again.

though as i type this, there is a break in the clouds yet again...

last night i dreamed of mom and hugging her tight. it felt warm and good. and i can remember in my dream that i said something to her (or to me i think) but i can't remember the lesson i murmured to myself. but it was a good feeling. i like good feelings, don't you?

economist say the recessing is ending and that spending in august was higher than it's been for a while. i hope so. i hope that people are overcoming this fear and that things get back to some kind of normalcy. even though i'm not quite sure what normal really is. do you know? i really don't know. and i think perhaps everyone doesn't know so they just kinda follow who acts like they know. just seems so silly really.

i can't figure out where i was going with this entire entry. i really can't. maybe i'm like the rain here today. in and out, up and down, back and forth. scattered with bits of sunshine. hope your bits of sunshine take over your world and make you happy and find you healthy.

dreams versus reality

"I live not in dreams but in contemplation of a reality that is perhaps the future." ~~ Rilke

you

I saw you in the coffee shop, just the other day. Sitting quietly, reading the paper and sipping strong, black coffee in a chipped earthen mug. You obviously brought the mug from home. A favorite to keep the coffee hot while you pour over each word. Your fingers were smudged from the newpaper ink and one lock of hair refused to lay down. I ached to smooth it but refrained.

My coffee was served and I left. You never even knew I was there. But, in my imagination I sat next to you, sipping my sweetened concoction and drank in your presence. The engine turned over as I left you framed in the window seat and my heart ached a little. No, actually it ached a lot - why lie to myself?

I saw you in the market carefully going through the steaks and piling giant potatoes in the cart. I'm sure you put in an extra tub of sour cream and maybe some fresh blue cheese. Your cart was sparse as you hate to go to the grocery. Again, you never saw me as I whispered, "excuse me." I was invisible and gone in an instant.

The young boy bagged my groceries as I saw you walk briskly out the door. The sun shattered a million reflections on the windshield as you drove away.

I'm sure I'll see you again today - somewhere that I least expect you. I'll look up and see you crossing some random street, probably driving in a different direction or parking in a crowded lot. The wind will probably ruffle your hair that needs a trim along your collar and I'll melt again.

This is how I imagine you...always just out of my reach. The man of my dreams that I can never seem to find and hold. The perfect man because we've never met at all.