impressions of a day

delicious ambiguity

yellow leaves clinging on to my frail little crepe myrtle. my last little bit of fall color. they have fought valiantly against the wind and rain this week, but i think by this weekend they will be gone. the oak tree has steadily dropped tons of leaves on the front yard, a carpet of russet and brown. next door, the camellias have started blooming.

i've erased at least five paragraphs that followed that opening paragraph. words haven't come easy today. i think about writers like hemingway who could say so much in six little words or marquez who took forever to express his intricate thoughts. (many years later, as he faced the firing squad, colonel aureliano buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.) how is it that those writers can so capture me?

hemingway later told one of my favorite writers, fitzgerald, that he wrote one good page for every 90 pages of crap (paraphrased there) and that his goal was to put the 90 pages in the garbage. in reading, 'the sun also rises' - i wonder how many pages he discarded to get the sheer beauty of that book.

so back to the question of ice...how many paragraphs do i need to discard to get where i want to be? mostly likely my answer is that i didn't have a clear idea of what i wanted to write today. and that is the way it is most days. i open a blank page and words sometime tumble out easily. not so much today. part if it is due to a lack of sleep - don't you really hate it when the weather forecasters predict really bad weather? then everyone is nervous and uptight - my brother made me swear to keep my phone by the bed in case he needed to call me to tell me to go to the basement. (maybe we've watched twister once or twice) so i kept waking up all night long thinking i heard tornado sirens (i didn't)

i think i'm on the trail of someone to teach me knitting and/or crochet. i think i would be better at knitting. crochet seems rather mysterious and confusing from what i've watched. all that looping and switching and....dropping and...what all else that needle does. i think i'm officially too blind to keep sewing with a needle - last night it took me ten minutes to thread a needle. (note to self - go buy a self threader)

i've been on a recipe hunt again - i tend to make things over and over until i'm sick of them (once i master it, that is). so lately i've worn out spaghetti, chili and beef stew. i'm going to dive into those great meatloaf recipes you all gave me and let you know how it turns out. i feel a cooking urge coming on.

since i've proved that i'm no hemingway, i'll leave you with a couple of thoughts from other writers that say it better than me...

"twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. so throw off the bowlines. sail away from the safe harbor. catch the trade winds in your sails. explore. dream. discover."
— mark twain

"i wanted a perfect ending. now i've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. delicious ambiguity."
— gilda radner

open letter to christmas

dear christmas
(because grown-ups don't write to santa, or do they?)

i'm writing today because i miss you. over the years i've let you slip out of my heart and, like all fairies, if i don't believe in them, they die. i haven't kept your light burning bright in my heart.

in my own defense, it's been a tough few years. there has been sadness and bad memories associated with christmas - but i fought through some of those. money's been tight - but some of my most fun memories are of times that i made christmas presents when i had nothing really to my name.

so what is it this year? i haven't been overwhelmed with you. i gave up on commercialism years ago when i realized i would not use credit for christmas. that's just a trap that some grinch set for us...now that his heart has grown larger, he realizes that it was a mean thing to do. tell me oh sprite - i want my heart to be full of christmas cheer and not this infinite cold wasteland that it feels today.

i know you're there, waiting for me to come to you. you've never left me - not really. i know because when i think i'm over christmas, i remember beautiful memories and see the snapshots in my head. like, the year that uncle lee dressed up like santa and delivered our toys in a giant red sack? that was a good one. or what about the year i got my christmas china and even sat a place for the cat at the dinner table. that was very special. or the year it snowed when i got a special ring from a special guy. that was especially perfect. or my recent favorite, mom and watching ga opening santa for the first time.

and it's not that i don't like you. i think you're rather charming. red is a wonderful color on you and i like red, even on me. and some people say that dark green is one of my very best colors. (okay - that was mom, but i like it anyway) so what gives sprite? do you need to come knock me upside my feathery brain with the star that should sit on top of a tree of my choice?

could you whisper in my ear and let me know - use my right one, it hears better. until then, i'll quietly wait and see if i can figure it all out. because, i'll tell you a secret - you were always my favorite holiday. not because of the gifts, just because of the joy and goodwill that you spread. keep that part up, because it's like the very best part of it all.

love,
char

whadda week.....

what is this you ask? this is the ending to a crazy week - helping my nephew finish up his science project. (determining which products are not biodegradeable - therefore we should recycle)

in this week i've had a family emergency, watching after nephews so my sister could work late, a fund raising event, grocery shopping (at least! we were getting low), a girl's day, fantastic football and now a science day. whew.

it's been a whirlwind of activity and i'm still going strong tonight in getting my clothes together for the week and cooking dinner. we've lived off fast food this week because i haven't had time for cooking or grocery shopping. it felt good to cook tonight.

the cold weather has arrived in alabama (did you hear about the snow in texas?) and i believe some flurries hit up north. we avoided that bullet for now, but had the first real freeze of this winter. brrrrr i've been working on making christmas stockings and another weekend has gone by and i didn't put up a tree. i think i have one more weekend before i just hang it up, right? *smile*

i feel as if i've been on a treadmill last week - hopefully it will be better this week. hope you get off to a good start too. gotta run change the clothes over to the dryer.

ps - i'm working catching up with blogs - if i miss one, please forgive me. also, if i check your streams on flickr, i'm way behind there. i still love ya, it's just been one those very little time week.

defying gravity

you may recognize this beautiful piece. one of my fabulous crafty friends made this and i've admired it on two different occasions when she blogged about hobbies. if you haven't met cinner, then you need to. she has the warmest heart and the best attitude in the world. she sent me this as a little surprise - imagine my joy when i opened it. now it sits in my office where i can admire it every day. thank you cindy - i will cherish. (please ignore the rather rude dinosaur in the background, he was trying to crash cindy's party)

so, thank you cindy. that was so sweet and generous.

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the day started out dreary and dark. this afternoon it has blossomed into this glorious sky and the sun coming through my office window feels warm on the left side of my face.

there are simple things around me to do, yellow post-it notes scattered with purple ink. a coffee cup that has the last sips of cold coffee from this morning and printouts from various websites as i do some research for the office.

the day is good. the sun has made an appearance and even though i know it's cold outside, it warms the left side of my face. 'defying gravity' comes on my ipod and the message makes me smile. it's a good message...a very good message.