dear christmas (because grown-ups don't write to santa, or do they?)
i'm writing today because i miss you. over the years i've let you slip out of my heart and, like all fairies, if i don't believe in them, they die. i haven't kept your light burning bright in my heart.
in my own defense, it's been a tough few years. there has been sadness and bad memories associated with christmas - but i fought through some of those. money's been tight - but some of my most fun memories are of times that i made christmas presents when i had nothing really to my name.
so what is it this year? i haven't been overwhelmed with you. i gave up on commercialism years ago when i realized i would not use credit for christmas. that's just a trap that some grinch set for us...now that his heart has grown larger, he realizes that it was a mean thing to do. tell me oh sprite - i want my heart to be full of christmas cheer and not this infinite cold wasteland that it feels today.
i know you're there, waiting for me to come to you. you've never left me - not really. i know because when i think i'm over christmas, i remember beautiful memories and see the snapshots in my head. like, the year that uncle lee dressed up like santa and delivered our toys in a giant red sack? that was a good one. or what about the year i got my christmas china and even sat a place for the cat at the dinner table. that was very special. or the year it snowed when i got a special ring from a special guy. that was especially perfect. or my recent favorite, mom and watching ga opening santa for the first time.
and it's not that i don't like you. i think you're rather charming. red is a wonderful color on you and i like red, even on me. and some people say that dark green is one of my very best colors. (okay - that was mom, but i like it anyway) so what gives sprite? do you need to come knock me upside my feathery brain with the star that should sit on top of a tree of my choice?
could you whisper in my ear and let me know - use my right one, it hears better. until then, i'll quietly wait and see if i can figure it all out. because, i'll tell you a secret - you were always my favorite holiday. not because of the gifts, just because of the joy and goodwill that you spread. keep that part up, because it's like the very best part of it all.
love,
char
What an honest letter...it's also my favourite holiday...I do admit to using credit to fund this holiday...as I have to buy tickets...and that's ok...
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you feel the Spirit more when around kids...your nieces and nephews surely bring you holiday Joy!
I know since having our girls the amount of *making* over the holidays of festive gifts and decorations increases tenfold.
Thank you for all your kind words Char, I will be back soon to Lens.Us.Together...
Dad goes in for his Biopsy tomorrow.
HUGS.
Char
Oh Char, how touching. May the spirit of Christmas find you this year and rest in your heart from now on...the potential for new memories are there.
ReplyDeleteI have a sneaking suspicion the Christmas spirit it edging right back into your life, I can just see it in some of your words and memories. Oh yes, it's on its way, you'll see, little by little each day, I'm sure :)
ReplyDeletemay your christmas be even better than you can imagine!
ReplyDeleteso sweet,love the picture too!
ReplyDeleteDear sweet Char, Christmas is there...it's in your heart, it's in the memories of your loved ones that you hold so dear, it's in the smiles and anticipation on the faces of your darling nieces and nephews...it's there...you'll find it. Just let it come to you.
ReplyDeleteChar, I think you are summoning the Christmas spirit with this wonderful post ... I have a feeling you will get that quiet whisper as Christmas settles in for a comfy stay. Enjoy my friend - and you have the right idea -- relive those Christmas' past one more time and that alone will get your mood kick started.
ReplyDeleteFor the past several years, I felt as you did. In fact, I felt that Christmas was a chore and I couldn't wait to just get through it. And last year we didn't even have a tree.
ReplyDeleteCan you ask the little sprite to whisper in my ear, too? I need to get the spirit.
Char I love your letter, I hope this Christmas you relive your memories and that with your nieces and nephews you make new ones. I usually go to my sisters so we can be with her and the boys, but we switch every year, all the little kids are grown up. i wish you all the best and hope that it is a good one. Take care my friend.
ReplyDeleteWow...what heartfelt words....You my friend have NOT lost the Christmas spirit...it's still inside you. You said it yourself: the joy and goodwill...isn't that what it is all about? You have just got stuck in a rut like we all do from time to time. Dig your way out and share with the little ones of things they know nothing about...things from the past, old photos...etc. Start a new tradition with them. It will be forever in their hearts!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful photo BTW!
Loves...
Great, touching letter. I'll have to write one! Heck, everyone should!
ReplyDeleteoh char...
ReplyDeletebetween my post today and yours....well, let's let them join hands and see what they can find....maybe together they will find a miracle....
the christmas miracle....
and those fond memories....we're lucky we have those...thanks for reminding me !
this is very touching and hits close to the core. when he's done whispering in your ear, ask him if he'll whisper in mine as well! :)
ReplyDeleteMy dear Char, what a sweet, sweet letter. It was my pre-bedtime reading tonight, and I couldn't have asked for a nicer end to my day. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what to say yet. This is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteNope. Still don't know what to say. I'll come back.
That was a very sweet and honest letter. I think many adults can relate to your lack of spirit this time of year. With all the realities of everyday living it's hard to get joyous about a holiday which in essence is one giant shopping spree whether you have money or not...the commercial side of Christmas is what kills the spirit. But if you can remember your memories of Christmas's before and understand that Christmas spirit is based on time spent with loved ones and the memories built from this time then its easier to get through this time. Living so far away from my family during the holidays and for many many years has dampened my spirit and then this year with losing my mom it's not easy to find the spirit and I've been searching. I think Christmas is a kindness you show to strangers, a feeling or memory of joy or joyous times before...I'd probably recommend a small child to anyone without Christmas spirit also, because when you see the magic of Christmas through a young child's eyes it's easy to have your own heart be moved by the season...This is rather long and perhaps not very clear- it's early and I'm working on my first coffee but I just wanted you to know you're not alone in missing the holiday spirit...
ReplyDeleteI love this post. so sweet. you have my heart here. =]
ReplyDeleteHey don't worry about the comments. I know you look at things...don't get me wrong I love comments but I know people get busy. =0
awww...both sweet and sad. i think you should bake something that smells of ginger and cinnamon, i think that will help awaken the christmas spirit.
ReplyDeletexox,
/j
Your letter tell me you have created your own found memories over past Christmas's and I can see you creating more memories over future Christmas's. Try not to get bogged down with the commercialism of Christmas, it can depress people and it is not what Christmas is about.
ReplyDeleteYour spirit will return when it is ready.
char you said what many people feel ~ elk
ReplyDeleteSanta never loved this little Jewish girl, it's ok, I didn't like him either.
ReplyDeletechristmas magic is a gossamer thing...and hard to maintain each year...but sometimes when i am sifting through my memories that lovely expectant feeling floods over my heart and that is nothing like it in all the world...I recommend you read the christmas anthology "A new christmas treasure" by Jack Newcombe,it is a wonderful read and will help you realized, "you really do have a wonderful life"...
ReplyDeletethat is just such a sweet letter yet it possesses some sadness. cheer up!
ReplyDeleteYou've captured so perfectly the ambivalence that so many folks feel at Christmas. This is a beautiful and, I think, important letter for you to have written, my friend.
ReplyDeleteWishing you warmth and good cheer,
Gigi
Oh sweetie...this makes my heart break a little. I love this letter. Sending you lot's of cheer and a big ((hug)).
ReplyDeleteMerry Merry Christmas, Char! Take that holiday sprite and shake it 'til it tinkles cheer all over your festivities.
ReplyDeleteChar, I could have written this letter myself -- you nailed it on so many topics. As I mentioned to Tara the other day, a good dose of "present tense" is all I ask for this holiday season. Being open to the possibilities in any given moment.
ReplyDeletePeace always.
I think I'm "over" Christmas, then I'll feel nostalgic again.
ReplyDeleteBrenda
i love this post, i understand this post.
ReplyDeleteso glad you wrote this letter. it's magical.
xo
You just sent me down memory lane, straight to my chickenpox Christmas. I was about 7 years old and Mom had to stay home with me. We both missed the family Christmas at Grandma's that year, but we heard reindeer on the rooftop. It was very exciting!
ReplyDeleteoh Char i do love your honesty and i believe these words are words a lot of us might want to say from time to time but too afraid to voice it. i believe you will find your Christmas spirit this year. i do.
ReplyDeleteIs it too early to wish you a merry Christmas yet? cause I really really want to wish you one...
ReplyDeleteI completely get this letter, and I love that you've written it. I think, somehow, that there is magic in it...
ReplyDeletesuch an honest letter...may christmas find you happy and bright.
ReplyDeletePerfect example of a well written post! Witty! Colorful! Sentimental. This was cute Char. I'm still trying desperately to get into the Christmas cheer. Retail (especially in the arts&crafts world when you see Christmas as early as May) can kill it for you with all the commercialism and such. BUT! I am determined to be reminded that it's the simpler, quiet, feathery moments of Christmas that make it so beautiful. :O)
ReplyDeleteOhmygoodnessIlovethispost!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have no other words...just a smile. This is my most favourite Christmas post (letter) ever.