today at lunch i read a story in oprah's magazine that moved me to tears.  i ate macaroni and cheese that was orange and buttery as the tears slipped silently down my cheeks and i wanted to reach through the veil of words to heal the author has i've healed my wounds over the years.  guilt is a terrible beast that nashes with sharp, stone-lined teeth and scars with steel bladed talons...and until we irrigate the poison out of our system, it lingers. 

i've been melancholy as i'm sure a lot of you have - watching helplessly a the tragedy in japan. sure we can send money and prayers and good wishes, but wanting to do so much more pulls at me.  along with the rain, the gray skies, the runaway menopause (i'm too young to feel this damn old), the time change, the...the...the...it seems too much you know?  just too much. 

and i know others are there too.  so, anyway - the people that responded to my pay it forward giveaway so far - i've lost track of who was in the top five and all that..so, you know what - you're all winners.  it may take me a while, but...i will send you something from my list.  if you want to do a pay it forward, then so be it - have fun with it.

there were also some that want to do a spring swap but i see that se'lah is doing one currently and i don't want to take away from hers.  so....let's not do that right now.  i will brainstorm and maybe we can do a early summer swap instead. 

i've been obsessed with pinterest lately.  i think it's a great marketing tool that you have to apply and they put you on the waiting list - it gives it that extra boost of desire or something.  so many pretty things and so little time.  look me up if you are on there so i can see what you love too.

today on my ipod - just the way you are (bruno mars), three more days (ray lamontagne), north dakota (lyle lovett), only the young (journey), will you love me tomorrow (carole king), life in the storm (edwin mccain), wonderwall (oasis), rainy day blues (willie nelson & jonny lang), love train (the o'jays), a thing called love (bonnie raitt)

no lords or ladies need apply

too much? *giggle* it made me chuckle. i heartily prescribe at least three chuckles, one belly laugh and perhaps a chortle or two per day, whenver possible. laughter makes the blues bearable.

heck, if you're hating on the holiday season, it will be over in a matter of three weeks. and, that flies by - right? (it does if you're as old as i am - i can't tell you where november got to so fast but it hit supersonic and was gone before i knew it.) maybe you can do a reverse advent calendar if you just have to. should we do that, invent the cynic's anti-advent? (teasing!! i promise) it makes me laugh to think what would be the daily 'treats' - certainly no peppermint or chocolate. (probably lumps of coals cut into pendants or switches for our vases?)

tomorrow, i'm kicking my grinch in the but(t) and getting him out. i'm going to check my christmas china to see what it needs to be ready for christmas breakfast. i'm going to finish the stockings and start helping santa stuff them. i'm buying my five or six presents and i'm going to be happy about them. i refuse to take on any projections of what christmas is 'supposed' to be. my parents loved christmas and even the years where we didn't have much, according to my mom, i can't remember wanting at all. i'm going to remind myself of that.

what in the heck would i do with all those calling birds and ladies dancing anyway - talk about obsessive (and excessive) behavior. who wants all that bird poo and men leaping about? and the noise of the drummers would just give me a headache. ugh.

so there funk, what cha' think about that ms. sour apple? (i have a feeling she's sitting in the corner smoking incessant salem's and bitching about her virulent hate of tinsel)

ps - ms. sour apple is me (goes without sayin').
pss - no geese, calling birds, partridges or other named fowl were harmed in the writing of this blog. i could not say the same if ladies came in my office dancing right now. i reserve the right to any gold rings left laying about.