today at lunch i read a story in oprah's magazine that moved me to tears.  i ate macaroni and cheese that was orange and buttery as the tears slipped silently down my cheeks and i wanted to reach through the veil of words to heal the author has i've healed my wounds over the years.  guilt is a terrible beast that nashes with sharp, stone-lined teeth and scars with steel bladed talons...and until we irrigate the poison out of our system, it lingers. 

i've been melancholy as i'm sure a lot of you have - watching helplessly a the tragedy in japan. sure we can send money and prayers and good wishes, but wanting to do so much more pulls at me.  along with the rain, the gray skies, the runaway menopause (i'm too young to feel this damn old), the time change, the...the...the...it seems too much you know?  just too much. 

and i know others are there too.  so, anyway - the people that responded to my pay it forward giveaway so far - i've lost track of who was in the top five and all that..so, you know what - you're all winners.  it may take me a while, but...i will send you something from my list.  if you want to do a pay it forward, then so be it - have fun with it.

there were also some that want to do a spring swap but i see that se'lah is doing one currently and i don't want to take away from hers.  so....let's not do that right now.  i will brainstorm and maybe we can do a early summer swap instead. 

i've been obsessed with pinterest lately.  i think it's a great marketing tool that you have to apply and they put you on the waiting list - it gives it that extra boost of desire or something.  so many pretty things and so little time.  look me up if you are on there so i can see what you love too.

today on my ipod - just the way you are (bruno mars), three more days (ray lamontagne), north dakota (lyle lovett), only the young (journey), will you love me tomorrow (carole king), life in the storm (edwin mccain), wonderwall (oasis), rainy day blues (willie nelson & jonny lang), love train (the o'jays), a thing called love (bonnie raitt)

walking in the rain

i've always loved that saying. to me, it says a lot about life and our experiences. one of my most vivid experiences with that thought is when i was in high school and dating my 'to-be' husband/high school sweetheart. it was in the fall and the state fair was in town. i was giddy at the thought of holding my sweetheart's hand, walking through the sawdust, kissing at the top of the ferris wheel, sharing a cotton candy and perhaps, him winning me a cute stuff animal. the night came and so did the rains, almost as soon as we arrived at the fairgrounds. 

needless to say, i was crushed. absolutely crushed. my upbringing was pretty strict and i only got to have date night on friday nights by my parent's decree - their logic was that it was a safer night. (ha!) i gazed longingly out at the midway - my sweetheart gritted his teeth and insisted we walk in the rain. to me, it was one of the most romantic thing ever.

it was dashing around the puddles, huddling under tents and sharing a caramel apple. it was kissing him in the rain - it was him paying $25 to win me a silly stuffed cat, it was the tinsel of a foolish girl's dream. my mom simply smiled when i got home - she had her own rainsoaked evening with my father to recall.

conversely the next day, my sweetheart told me how his shoes were ruined and he caught a cold. i should have known then how it would all turn out. *chuckle* that's what happens when you mix a hopeful romantic with a logical, practical, to the point kinda guy.

musings and such

a fog has wrapped montgomery in a swath of dingy gray-white blankets and the hushed sounds of the city have me feelings as if i'm alone in the world. perched in my little office, looking down on the traffic, isolated in a sea of government workers, construction, and traffic. the world is moving around me as i sit here watching - a metaphor? a self-fulling prophesy? a stagnation? or just a moment? too much to ponder. i'm reminded with that thought of a quote from susan st. james, 'to reach the finish line is the beginning of another race.' today it feels as if the dash to the next race is weighted by the sandbags around my ankles. can you loan me a starter pistol?

ode to billy joe just came on my ipod - anyone remember bobbie gentry? her songs remind me of my childhood as mom had a few albums of hers - a duet album with glen campbell and then, 'fancy' (you know that song that reba made a big hit.) anyway, the song suits my foggy musings.

the rain now has come and washed the fog away - isn't it amazing how fast things can change. i'm glad now that i ducked out the front door to shoot a couple of pictures of the capital. the pristine white marble against the soft whites of the fog were beautiful. sometimes i look at the dome though and thing about my uncle that i never met and how he lost his life keeping that dome in that pristine condition. (he was pressure washing the dome and his safety rope broke - it was in the 1960's and i never knew him.) i wonder if my cousin can look at the capital the same way?

across the street, the construction of the building goes higher and higher. men there weld rebar to the girders while hanging from safety harnesses. the sparks arc like blue dragonflies in the rainy greys of the afternoon. i can see the crane move steel branches back and forth and hear the machinery's slight hum of activity. below the traffic is slowed by watchers that hold yellow caution signs. dr. king's church sits on the corner - dark and lonely in the rain.

i've finished my last sip of coffee and the garish christmas cup sits on my desk as an indictment of my lack of decoration. around me are christmas trees and wreaths. daily 'goodies' have started their long slouch towards bethlehem and dooming my waistline to a purgatory of prayers until i reach the balance of indulgence and resistance.

i'll finish up with nick drake's 'poor boy', another good song for a rainy day. i hope you're having a beautiful day.

extended forecast

no, this is not a current shot as fall has not quite fallen completely here. but i see signs of it everywhere. we're stuck in this holding pattern of weather lately with rainy days punctuated by semi-colons of sunshine and dashes of wind. the acorns are starting to fall and the dogwood trees have jeweled leaves with trifecta of bright colors. a hummingbird took refuge in the rain under the eaves and smiled her thanks as we watched it rain again.

though as i type this, there is a break in the clouds yet again...

last night i dreamed of mom and hugging her tight. it felt warm and good. and i can remember in my dream that i said something to her (or to me i think) but i can't remember the lesson i murmured to myself. but it was a good feeling. i like good feelings, don't you?

economist say the recessing is ending and that spending in august was higher than it's been for a while. i hope so. i hope that people are overcoming this fear and that things get back to some kind of normalcy. even though i'm not quite sure what normal really is. do you know? i really don't know. and i think perhaps everyone doesn't know so they just kinda follow who acts like they know. just seems so silly really.

i can't figure out where i was going with this entire entry. i really can't. maybe i'm like the rain here today. in and out, up and down, back and forth. scattered with bits of sunshine. hope your bits of sunshine take over your world and make you happy and find you healthy.

the best laid plans

the plans were to have a girly weekend by the pool...the rain and other detours crashed that idea. and boy did it rain. all day and all night sort of rain. but today was better.

i cat-sat for a dear friend of mine and i always love stalking her garden with my camera. and then i visited a couple of my favorite spots to try things in a new way. this is after being inspired by a book i found at urban outfitters yesterday, "the polaroid book." (since i can't find a decent polaroid camera around here and uf wants $120 for their issue and a film pack - ouch)

you will be seeing a few of these over the week. today, i'll leave you with my favorite fake polas. these are from the second story window of the new carousel carving school in birmingham. i was in love but no one was at home (it is a holiday weekend afterall) - i so want to go back here.....you can see why, i'm sure.




hope you're having a great weekend so far....i'm having a dish of ice cream and going to bed. sweet dreams and finer things.

nasty weather

the late summer doldrums are firmly entrenched here with muggy temps and dreary skies. here's another shot from the rainy sunday - i love this old building and wish all the wires, poles and surrounding buildings weren't in it's way.

now, off to a flea market, car pool and grocery. back in a bit.

how did it get to be wednesday already?

i swear i slept through the last day or so. sunday, while finishing up shopping for the holiday dinner, i also bought a box fan. i used to sleep with one but figured since i now have a beautiful ceiling fan in my room that i could be a grown up girl and ditch my former companion. i think i had forgotten that wonderful white noise drone of a box fan that is roughly similar to sleeping inside a giant airplane. i've been sleeping like a baby - in fact, except for a quick pee break in the early morning hours, i slept until 10:00 a.m. that's insane, but as a friend asked this week, is it really oversleeping if you have no place to be? *sigh*

the party was a great success. food was consumed, friend and family came over, the dogs behaved and i got maximum cuddle time with the nieces. my boys (the nephews) didn't come over as they were hanging out with their dad and older brother - i missed them. but, it was a housefull and i felt happy. cocktails and ribs - yum. the baby's face as she tasted lemon pie for the first time. ga playing tea party with my teacups and reading the book that i read as a child. all part of the quilt of warm and beautiful.

i need to run errands today and i need to replenish flowers. there is a shiny thing in the sky, my brother tells me it's called sol and if i go out it could warm me. i also have a ton of clothes to wash and a room to tidy up. but the sun is shining and housekeeping will....well, keep.

a parting shot of the wilted roses....these kept beautifully for ten days - i think that's a record for me.

the hour is not that late

but it seems as if it is. the pugs are snoring not so softly at my feet and the cat has been fed. it has been a rainy saturday - quiet, calm, peaceful, serene. there is nothing much really to say or share, just a sense of ... something waiting to happen.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, do you hear it too?

a weekend

boy, i take one day off from reading blogs and looking at pretty pictures and you all go crazy insane. it has taken almost all day to catch up...good thing i decided to be fairly lazy today. it's been a good weekend - mostly quiet though my sister ran me ragged yesterday. we did a bit of this...



and that...



(my sister is the property manager)

and then after those, we did a bit of this...

and I got that



in lemondrop, not sour apple.

we went here and there (her store, not my taste really)

we went out and about....and all around.

after...we went to see wolverine. though it's not the best movie ever...it was exactly what i expected it to be (it is based on a comic book after all). everyone was happy.










today it was sunny



then it was rainy









it was hot (well, warm) because the air conditioner broke...but now it's cool again. life is ups and downs...hope your downs lead to soft landings and your ups are as fun and as exciting as happiest moment.