southern drifting

take friends.

on the road

add a little elvis (and some antiques)

and some laughter along the way...suddenly cloudy skies, turn to blue and and the world seems so much brighter

 

and you find that seafood and cupcakes seem to be a natural combination.  especially when combined with air stream trailers.

and sunset and moonrise together is the most glorious combination.

 

  

 

it seems

part of the reason i love blogs (and blogging) is the old fashioned, standing at the fence type talking it hearkens back to. long before there were blogs, cell phones, texting, twittering, and all the electronica that seems to eat up our lives - there was standing at the fence chatting - taking a pie to the neighbor's house visiting - listening on the party line curiosity - dancing at the grange hall saturday nights and the sunday dinner catch up.

i would fancy all of you coming over for a glass of ice tea on the porch, bringing a dish for sunday dinner, or sitting up playing cards until all hours of the night. that's just the kinda girl that i am. but, miles separate us. duties, obligations, other things pull at us and sometimes unravel us. but i'm always happy when you come back around.

i'm not scared to admit that life has been tough the past few years - mom being sick and then passing away. me being laid off and moving back home. but, in all of that there have been very beautiful things. i've reconnected with a part of myself that i had forgotten - the homemaker, the cook, the aunt, the sister. not that i didn't feel that way before but there is an intensity to it now.

and as i sit and look outside this large paned glass window, life is laid out before me. a woodpecker sits sunning in the chinaberry tree, bees flit in front of the window and the sun is filtering through the leaves as they blow in the wind. just when i think life sucks, i find the strength to cling onto it like the last rock before the cliff. it's not easy - there are days i really hate myelf - which is foolish because if i truly controlled my life (as i'm wont to try to convince myself that i do) i would never push along to this point. so, the truth (to me) is that the illusion of control is so very faint really. we're not in control - we try to make ourselves drive the bus - but, it's rolling along quite well without any brakes most times. the best we can do is grab hold of the steering now and again.

and ... enjoy the happy times when they come along. that's the gift.

nathan...did we have chemistry together?

today i got a little e-mail from classmates dot com telling me that two friends had signed my guestbook and if i wanted to see who they were, i needed to fork over the dough. seeing the list of classmates that have registered and the timing, it was easy to figure out the puzzle without spending the money. i looked at photographs of classmates and saw the fuzzy lines and changed shapes of faces over the years. these people are just names now that used to be in my yearbook.

i look and only one person that i used to hang out with is in the list with me. i, along with other friends, ran the streets of montgomery in a little orange maverick that mary drove. we had good times.

now my nephew goes to the magnet school in the old neighborhood. the one that i used to ride with my friends. the baskin robins where we had ice cream is gone. the church where beverly got married is now a day care (excuse me, child learning center). ted's house we carelessly decorated with toilet paper now belongs to someone else, the bricks slowly falling in the front.

my nephew stands on the playground talking to his friends while the car pool line crawls slowly. waiting for the kids to notice we're there. taking care not to honk the horn and call attention to the parental units waiting. he's laughing and talking. his dark hair being ruffled by the wind (or his friends). slowly he turns as i wait. he's growing way too fast but yet he seems so very small.

he dashes to car - 'sorry, sorry' as he knows i've waited a bit. i pretend to be irritated but we laugh. he turns up the volume on the radio. we like to listen to the comedy station as we drive. laughing together at some jokes...me flipping the radio suddenly if they're a bit inappropriate. it's a good time really. i'm glad i got to do this - it makes up a bit for the losses i've had this year. it's all part of the little pieces of happiness we all seek for ourselves.

this is a part of his landscape now. the things he will remember - the brightness of the sun - the heat of the pavement - the leather seats in my car and hopefully, laughter. plenty of laughter.

expectations

expectations can be a dangerous thing. often they set us up for failure as rarely can something meet what high expectations we set. either for ourselves, someone else, something else.... of course, i don't want to go the other way - which is expect nothing so you will never be disappointed, right?

anyway - all of that is much too deep for such a glorious saturday morning. my heart is happy (my unemployment benefits were extended - very unexpectedly) and i'm going to make the most of the day. i went to see julie and julia last night with a dear friend - loved the movie - it exceeded my expectations. it made me love meryl streep and stanley tucchi even more than i already did.

it also inspired me to cook something different tonight. so i'm off to buy fresh ingredients with the same joy that julia shopped the french markets. i may chortle just like her in joy. hope you do too.

oh...what's for dinner? well you will see later.

weirdo

it's been one of those weeks where i've been having weird dreams. scattered bits and pieces. some pieces i want to capture in a box and hold on to them - so lovely, so fleeting. like a child, i want to pull them out of the box and let them sparkle in the light. but they dissolve when i hold on too tightly so i'm going to let them float out into the ether and pray they come back to me in reality. other pieces i'm happen to let go and never think of again.



outside my window a white moth flutters and struggles to reach the light within. the glass separates us - so close and yet so very far far away. a picture of my life - when something seems within reach - hopefully the window will open soon.

experimential

i've planned parts of this shot for some months now - i found a wonderful little re-sale shop where i happened upon previously loved prom dresses for $12 and wanted to stretch my comfort zone a bit. when the models fell through in atlanta i put feelers out for girls willing to be a bit silly. one of my friend's daughters was happy to take a chance and brought along her friend.

the girls and i had a great time today - i gave them some general instructions and told them to roll with it. they knew better than me what angles worked for their body and had some great ideas with poses. they were so naturally sunny and happy that i had to remind them sometimes not to smile. we played with luggage, balloons, cut up prom dresses - all while a parade of cars rolled pass (of course i would pick the one day that traffic was being routed through the park due to an accident).

and after we were through, what better treat than ice cream, right? gotta love models that will work for ice cream. i've wanted to work more with people and have searched for models to expand my portfolio. i think now i have enough to start working on senior portraits and casual family sessions. i learn something different to do each time i do a session. i need to continue to work on directing the poses and lighting issues that i seem to continue to have. we put the reflector to use today but often i forget in the excitement moving props and locations.

there are some more of the shots without editorial comment really. i tried a variety of processing as i have been waivering between styles again. lately when i've been applying textures i haven't feel as comfortable as i once was - i'm not sure if that means i'm moving away from them or the photography is just not melding with my choices. *shrugs* funny how i can move through cycles - color, no color, soft color....textures, no textures....soft then crisp. anyway.

hello, it's me

i'm completely flustered by a lack of inspiration lately. i've worn fruit to my last nerve and driven randomly looking for new subjects. is it summer? is is boredom? yes, i guess i'm whining.

in other news, i saw transformers part deux last night and didn't hate it. (which i thoroughly expected) it had laugh out loud parts and i'm happy to report to mel that it didn't make me cry. nice job shia...and megan fox - hats off honey, you have to have the pretty eyes in show business right now. i think you give the ex mrs. billy bob (i refuse to mention her in any blog) a run for her money. plus, you have youth on your side.

this morning i had breakfast with a friend that has been my friend since we were 13 - i adore her and it's always so comfortable how with friends like that you slip right back in with no seams. what is it about a cracker barrel breakfast that is so yummy? and then a bit of shopping - perfect. and hopefully some models to come out of it with her daughter. now, dinner at something called a bass pro shop...this should be interesting.

why is it that some people can't be happy for you?

Change - damn change - the thing that some people throw down like a gauntlet, nay...a dare, a scolding, a reprimand. "You've Changed!!! You're not the person you once were." Well, damn right I'm not (thank God).

I was talking about this with a friend last night and again this morning. She's going through the typical accusations that happen when someone begins a committed relationship. Friends that are used to having her total attention now have to share her time. And damn it...some of them don't like it. And have predicted this relationship will fail, just like it has before and she will go running crying to her friends.

This was my advice --

So, acknowledge the change. Yes, you have. You’ve matured and found someone that is fulfilling your wants and needs. As part of a relationship, you have a commitment to spend time with that person. If the time you give ____ (let's call him douche bag) is not enough for him, so be it. The point being is that he expects you to fail and that is a sucky thing to expect for a friend. Each time we enter into a relationship, we have to put all of our hopes into it. If we do not, then it is doomed from the start. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy in that we expect it to fail, so we self-sabotage in small ways until it does instead of making the commitment. Yes, sometimes relationships fail. Yes, probably about 50% of relationships fail completely. But…what if you’re lucky enough to be in the other 50% for a change? To what do you owe that? To that you owe everything.

To some extent I understand about him not wanting to hear you cry again. It sucks to have a friend hurt, and he’s seen you through some hurts. More than I have really. So, he’s scared. What do people do when they are scared? They run. So, he’s running and putting the blame on you – for all the behavior that he’s projecting onto you. He’s seen you change from a chaser – like him, to someone that wanted more about it. To a greater extent – to someone that is successful in getting what she decided she wanted. That has to be hard for him, because he sees you succeed and he’s standing still. He keeps chasing the wrong thing and can’t see that he is sabotaging himself in doing so. Now he would probably say, that this is really what he wanted. But, has he ever slowed down to do a bit of self-examination. No, again, he’s scared. People that scared cannot look inside because they are scared of what they might see.

So, you know what, I would say – “yes, I’ve changed. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. And I’m embracing that change. That change has brought me love and happiness. That change has brought me joy. And I’m going to hold on to it as long as it lasts – which is hopefully forever. People who love me are happy that I am happy. People who love me support me. If the horrible happens, yes, I will be sad and yes, I will need my friends. Just as I’m there for my friends when they are sad. Just as I’m always available if they really need me. Everyone has lives. Everyone can get caught up in demands on their time and attention.

If you choose – and yes, it’s a choice, to let our friendship go because you cannot handle my happiness. Then I wish you much joy and happiness. As much as I have found. I don’t want our friendship to be marred by bitterness and pettiness. I’m stopping now on that issue and pushing away from the table. You were there when I needed you and I thank you for that.”

Why is it that some people just can't be happy for other people. Sure, I wish it was me, but I could never take it away from you.