the problem with rants...

i feel guilty just telling you the bad stuff about my job instead of the good stuff.  and there are days that my job is very good.  i get to work on cutting edge stuff and for a state agency, that is sometimes a dangerous place to because the default for something no one understands is to rely on archaic regulations and laws.  so, that is a hazard.  some days you win, sometimes you rant, and some days you feel like screaming.  most days are winning.  so in my honesty here, i tend to blow off steam with you guys.  sorry about that.  but...all in all - as we say in my office, it is what it is.


the pansies above are like me, bruised and battered, but they carry on.  (hope you all are safe in these rather violent storms.)  i'm planning to participate in a pay it forward.....i'm sure you all have heard of this before, but....for those of you that haven't.  a pay it forward is a gift that you give because you want to express gratitude for what you've been given.  i've been given a lot in my life and though i sometimes stomp and complain a bit, i know that there are others that have it much worse than me....so...here are your choices (pick one of the four)  the rules follow the choices.

• a choice from my etsy shop,
• a small cookbook of recipes i use all the time and maybe a few i've been taught by my mom,
• used books that i've read (not handmade i know, but they are hand selected by me and some people would just prefer a book),
• or my photoshop skills in making you an art piece such as your favorite quote and photograph combined or a blog header.

should you decide to take up the challenge, then are willing to:

write a short blog about paying it forward.  then be willing to send five people something "handmade".  i'm pretty loose about the handmade part - as i count photography as "handmade" and as you see, the used books.  then, select five people from your list of participants - in this case, the blogger suggested the first five that responded, so i'm going with that.  i recognize that handmade for five may take a while - don't feel like you have to send all five at once, quality takes some time, yo?


it's just a fun way to share.  also....last year we did a valentine's day card swap.  anyone feeling a spring swap?

tell me

it is a rainy day in alabama.  the kind of rain that makes you want to curl up in front of a fireplace with a mug of something warm and a good book.  and as you read the book you become sleepy and find yourself asleep, curled in the blanket - that deep, soul satisfying sleep - the kind where many beautiful dreams occur.

but, instead - i'm working.  and not the deep, soul satisfying work...but the kind that makes you want to kick curbs and curse because you're so pissed.  and being pissed doesn't really solve the problem - but it allows you to vent without expressing anger at the one (or two) people that have caused you to be in this predicament.  because that will not solve the problem any better than kicking the curb....and all you get are bruised toes and a bruised ego.  *sigh*

so i stare out my window and wonder why i wasn't born independently wealthy or some sort of nonsense.  because if i was, i would run off to paris, or tuscany, or timbuktu...or someplace really exotic, like...the moon.  and then i wouldn't have to deal with idiots...or...the idiots would be so different and intriguing that i wouldn't notice they were idiots.  and i wouldn't have to tell people that have worked hard and through no fault of their own, their contract is severed because some idiot didn't research law very well and i hired them thinking it was cool...but it wasn't really cool and now ...i have to end the contract and figure out how to pay them. 

tell me again why i wasn't born independently wealthy. 

love, kisses, and comment trolls

apparently i have a comment troll that has decided to use my blog to rant about "boycott american women" - as if.  so i'm enabling comment moderation to see if this person goes away.  i dislike captivas and i dislike censoring, but - that's just ridiculous. so...i'm going with this to see how it works.  they do it just enough to be annoying.  (and i can't block them because they're anonymous.

i bowed to auntie pressure this weekend and took my niece to see "never say never" (the justin beiber) movie.  i will have to admit, though it's not my kind of music, i was very impressed with him and his family.  he is very talented and seems very grounded.  i hope he keeps a level head and keeps listening to his mother and grandparents.

otherwise, i've been lost in auntie duties this weekend as it's mardi gras' last weekend before tomorrow and ash wednesday.  are you living it up and getting in your last days of excess before easter?  hope so.  more later when i'm back home in my bed and not worried about ballet clothes, lunches, pick-ups, snacks, bed times and worrying about effecting my youngest niece up when she has to run to the potty all the time.  (she seems to use "have to potty" as a way to avoid what she doesn't want to do - like go to bed.)

the melody

the good news is that i found my little travel journal.  such a tiny little thing, it slipped between the seat which housed my cameras and equipment during the drive.  as i said, i've been reading "the happiness project" in bits and pieces over the year as i've struggled lately with the true meaning of happiness - is it joy, is it constant, is it contentment, what is this elusive bird.  and unhappiness...can you be both at the same time?  happy and unhappy that is....

in reading and making notes, i found this to be true - just like our palates that are most satisfied when there is a balance of sweet, salty, bitter, and sour - my life feels most balanced when i can accept that life is that series of ups and downs.  as nietzsche said, "the end of a melody is not its goal, but nonetheless, if the melody not reached its end, it would not have reached its goal either. a parable" 

so, in making happiness not my goal but part of the melody - when i reach my end, i would have enjoyed the melody all along.  this ... makes me very happy... very.

time, sparks, and music

"she was so busy forgetting, she couldn't take a single step into the future."  ~~     green angel (by alice hoffman) 

this quote struck me as i read it this morning.  i have been that girl before.  stuck in the past - unable to enjoy the now because ... well, because. 

i've been stuck on this pargraph for a while now, writing and erasing, and writing and erasing.  i find it odd when i do that. and it's not because i don't know what i want to say, but how i want to say it.  i have been thinking a lot about the impermanence of time.  so i will leave it at that.  apparently i have some more to ponder before i can write it all down.

during my trip, i kept a small journal of observations and writings on the road.  it has slipped out of my purse and i am sad.  i hope i find it soon - though there was nothing embarrassing, there was a lot the last day as i sat on a bar stool in st. simons.  funny - with all the solitude of the beach and the salt flats, i wrote more in a busy restaurant.  

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today on my ipod:  take it easy (the eagles), ghost of a good thing (dashboard confessionals), come away with me (norah jones), always on my mind (elvis presley), beautiful (india.arie), into the mystic (van morrison), where you lead (carole king), heartless (william fitzsimmons cover), anna begins (counting crows)