June 26, 2008

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I woke up this morning miserable and burnt out. Aching and hurting and all the other things that one's body perceives when it's just tired of pushing on. I rolled into my clothes and pulled up a pony tail. I've been on a roller coaster ride this week, culminating with a steep hill of emotion last night when I opened a "thinking of you" card from my mother's best friend. Immediately I burst into tears. I never expected it to be this raw...especially at seven months.

Then this morning, I read a question. What were you doing ten years ago? Funny how life can change in ten years? Ten years ago, I had both of my parents. Dad was in the beginning stages of his cancer but still happy and active.

Ten years ago I had one precious nephew and one newborn nephew. I was a decade younger and a bit more hopeful. I had seen hell and had come through it. I had just graduated college and was embarking on a new career. Life was about travel and music and friends. I was silly and funny....and whimsical.

A decade later my life is upside down. The career is a bit settled. The nephews are growing faster than I ever believed. And I have precious nieces too. I've lost both my parents and I miss them horribly -- even when I used to bitch about my mother, I miss her. I'm not quite as hopeful, there have been set-backs as always. Loves came and left during that time. But I've grown comfortable with solitude without feeling the urge to take in more cats. And, I've become convinced that I just need a vacation. Yes.....a vacation is exactly what I need.


  1. If you need a change of view, I have some walls that need painting....

    namaste myfriend. Imagine how much things will change again in the next 10 years.

  2. Ten years ago . . . a lifetime ago, it seems, with everything that's transpired for me too. It's everything we've done that makes us who we are, though, and every experience leaves a mark that adds to the beautiful pattern of our lives. Hang in there, SweetPea.

  3. P.S. I think I might write something on MySpace on this looking back 10 years idea. If I do, may I link to or reference your piece here?


i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.