December 20, 2010

the explanation

words cannot begin to explain the past few weeks.  images come to me in bursts of color and then shatter into shards of negative images of the previous colors.  it is up.  it is down.  it is 180 degrees in another direction.  suffice to say, life has been difficult lately.  in the past sixty days i've changed offices twice, been to dc and back, sat in all day meetings, worried, fretted, cried and sometimes laughed.  the best i can say is personally life is okay - i'm maintaining an even strain....work on the other hand has been terribly stressful and wearing.  it goes to show you that life can change on a dime - as someone told me last week, "life is hard, suck it up."  last week it was tears and worry - this week, i found my inner core again and am re-building after coming home to an office moved without my input, my unit's secretary taken without explanation, the entire agency network with a horrible virus leaving us no access to files, deadlines that are insane...and yes i could go on.  the office i moved into was apparently last occupied by pigs with the cubicle walls dirty, footprints on the wall beneath my window sill (apparently they sat talking with their feet propped up on the sill while staring out the window), and for some reason i cannot fathom - my top drawer is lied with black pepper.  *shrugs*  and...the thing is i really dislike it when i whine.  i do....but today as i unpacked boxes (don't get me started on how someone when through my personal belongings in my office which had access to my social security number and amex bills.) i would just get overwhelmed and would just stare off into space. 

dc was insanely cold - the day i planned for sightseeing was eaten up by airport delays.  the next day i got to walk by the white house christmas tree on the way to meetings.  i did get to the holocaust museum (wow - powerful) and walked by the washington monument.  at that point the wind was blowing so hard that i didn't go up - i don't do well with the swaying.  the rest of the meetings were inside from 8:00 until 5:00 or 6:00 then to my hotel room to deal with office e-mails and such.  the last day i sat in the airport and prayed the snow did not stop me from getting home. 

i shuffled back to work not knowing where my office was and without a key.....friday was not pretty.  this weekend i finally got to shop for christmas...luckily with a smaller family i only have two more presents to buy.  in fact, i may go to target after this typing - i have missed you guys terribly. 

good things that have happened since i talked last....my oldest niece had a wonderful birthday party, complete with santa.  i got home to my own bed and have slept like a log.  i finally read "the girl with the dragon tattoo" (giving into peer 'book' pressure)  christmas is this week and all of my family are safe, warm and healthy - that is the biggest blessing of them all.  if i haven't said it...i missed you guys.  i think it took me this long to write because i just couldn't put it into words until tonight. 

i hope you all are safe, warm and healthy too.  i can't wait to see what you've been up to....(the few pictures i took in dc will be up soon)

25 comments:

  1. glad to hear you are on the upswing of all of this... I have been thinking of you.

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  2. I have had weeks like that more than I care to think so my heart and prayers are with you. I have missed you here. You are one of those people that I look forward to hearing from and am to see your name pop up in my feed reader. I have always wanted to go to the holocaust museum. I bet it was powerful. I just want you to know you were missed and thought of and I will keep you in my prayers this week. Stay warm and have a lovely week dear friend.

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  3. Oh man, I thought something must be going on. Glad you're back, but sorry it's been rough. Enjoy being home and the next few days. xo.

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  4. i am enjoying the last week of home time before i start back at work. stay warm (easier said than i done, i know!) and smile!

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  5. yuck yuck and some more yuck....i would have totally thrown a hissy fit with the whole "who moved my office" crap.....a tantrum that wouldn't have been pretty.....especially this time of year.

    but lucky for you....you're more sane than i am....and have your priorities in the right place....

    want a hug ?
    xo

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  6. Oh honey!!! ((hugs)) Just hang in there... Good lord, we could sit, drink some wine and talk about the past few months. *sigh* The good thing is..."this too shall pass."

    xoxoxo

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  7. i've missed you too, my friend.
    xoxo

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  8. It all sounds awful Charlane but I'm so glad you're finding your center and getting your mojo back.

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  9. sending you warmth and friendship, friend. deeeeeep breath and remember that center. be well, char. xx

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  10. Sounds like you've had a HARD few days...
    BREATHE...take care.
    Char.x

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  11. Why do companies have to make life so hard at this time of year???? I wish you a long and relaxing break and all the inner peace of the Universe!!!
    or just some time to relax and gather your thoughts... no go poke the person in the eye who went through your stuff.. that just isn't cricket!!! <3

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  12. I mean NOW go poke them... oh forget it. :0)

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  13. sorry the last weeks have been hard, char. i'm sending you a great big hug, dear. hope you have the merriest christmas ever!

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  14. Ouch! Sounds like things can only go up from here...I hope so anyway! I hope this final week before Christmas is much nicer than the last few.

    I've missed you too!

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  15. Oh this makes me so glad I am retired:) Take a deep breath and have a Merry Christmas week!

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  16. i have missed you too...life {sigh}

    stopping by to say GLAD YOU'RE BACK !!!

    and merry christmas, my friend

    love,
    kary

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  17. Oh Char, I can't imagine how upsetting that must've been to come back to a moved office, I started feeling upset just as I read it--a testament to your writing skills :) But hopefully things will settle down and I hope that you can make your new office pretty again (when you feel like it). On a different note, hoping you can enjoy your last few days before christmas and have a very cozy happy one with your family! Missed you!
    xoxo Mary Jo

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  18. Oh, I'm sorry you're being dealt this craziness. It seems like, as with many things, business is like the schoolyard where pettiness is highly regarded. I can't imagine how people can become pigs. Actually, I think pigs are not as dirty. Hope it gets better, Char!
    Brenda

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  19. Whew, that's a lot to digest for you. Whassa matter with those folks???? Are they Crazy?
    I hope you can take some time now to enjoy the season...
    remember you are loved...
    and Yes, I for one, am glad that you're here.
    LoL
    hugs, Merry Christmas,
    glenda

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  20. Wow, that is a lot of craziness to deal with! I hope things are slowing down a little for you, and that you have time to enjoy the holidays... Have a wonderful Christmas, and many blessings in the new year!
    xoxo
    Mary

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  21. char i have missed you and was hoping for the very best..guess not and for that I am so sorry..what a way to get "moved" it just is not right!! I know you are a strong lady and while you cannot take the "swaying" I would say your roller coaster ride that is work is causing you to hang on!!! thankful for a calm family front.

    I hope you can find some quiet christmas moments friend

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  22. char, no matter the crappy office, you will touch it in your own special way. no matter the stranger's eyes and hands that touched your things, they are still yours, unless of course one of them wishes to take that amex bill with them. you will have a quiet peaceful christmas and we all look forward to hearing about it. enjoy.

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  23. Life can be so frustrating at times! I hope you have some 'down' time over the holidays to relax and enjoy wonderful times with family and friends, remember that the love and association of family and friends is a gift you will have even after the job is gone, so enjoy their warmth and laughter and company!!! Merry Christmas!

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  24. Got mad reading this about the office and your personal belongings and the pigs and how stressful everything is.
    But it's all ok now. And it's Christmas. And you are home. Amen.

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  25. We missed you! I'm glad you're back ... and I'll be keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers on the work front ...

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i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.