Quote: Out of intense complexities intense simplicities emerge. ~~ Winston Churchill
Gratitude: Caring friends.
Feeling: Still sleepy.
Weather: Absolutely freaking stupendous gorgeous weather.
Song: Tears of a Clown - covered by Kevin Mahogany
Photograph: See previous blog.
Being the oldest child I have serious control issues - I like the be the boss of me thank you very much and recent being bossed around. You can ask me to do something and I'm happy but don't tell me. I know, old territory right? Well, I also have a problem keeping my mouth shut from time to time. I'm pretty vocal once you know me and have an opinion about everything. But the good news on that forefront is that, I expect you to have opinions too - even opinions that differ from mine. I have no problem playing the devil's advocate....I just love open, fun and honest debate.
But....back to the issue at hand. I work with a person that had a baby last year. One that her husband made her a "deal" that they could have another child but she would have to lose all of her baby weight and then some after the birth. (first issue - what? are you kidding me?) Let me preface this by saying, yes, she's not skinny and wasn't skinny before she got pregnant - but by no means was she unhealthy. Unfortunately she is height challenged and every curve shows.
So, she hasn't lost the "and then some" by the first birthday so her husband has taken over her training regimen. He calls every day after lunch to see what she did on her workout and what did she eat. I've sat there with her during lunch watching her count the "one calorie" pumps of her salad spritzer. It drives me insane and I can't say a word. It makes me very sad for her. But, she is over the top in love with this man so, there is nothing I should say really - it's none of my business but to me this is emotional abuse. She gets upset if she doesn't get five workouts during the week as she has to go home and cook for the husband, mother-in-law and three children - she doesn't have time to work out after work.
How do you reconcile what you perceive as abuse with a lifestyle that someone has chosen? At what point are you enabling or being nosy? I'm at a loss.
I think I just threw up a little...
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult to watch something like this, especially when it is happening to someone you care about, but you put it best. It is a choice she has made... albeit a shit one.
I sense a whole heap of therapy being stored up in that household.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with the children.
I didn't talk about the children. Her oldest child has another father from a previous marriage. She had baby fat - at 13 she is on a strict diet (has been for 2 years now) and her daily diet is posted on the fridge. The two younger children get to eat as they like...of course they are 8 and 1 so they are not "fat".
ReplyDeleteUgh. Chances are if he's that controlling, there are a lot more problems than just her diet going on there. I'm not one to give tactful advice, but I'd probably ask if everything was OK and make my distaste known. Of course, that could be why I have so few friends left. :)
ReplyDeletewell, she does know that I don't think this is a good thing...but I can't be too abrasive as we work together and I do really care about her and her welfare.
ReplyDeleteJust wondering if you still work with this person. She probably doesn't see it as abuse, and without more information, I'd say it was simply control issues. He probably does this 'for her own good'. I know that I would make my feelings known, would spend very little time with her out of work.
ReplyDeletePeople let themselves get controlled like this for a reason. Sometimes those reasons are sick ones.