August 15, 2009

rockin' saturday on the front porch

today was 'd' day - meaning my brother and i picked today to de-flea the basement, the cat and the dogs. have i happened to mention that my cat is a tasmanian devil (the cartoon, not the real animal) when he's kenneled. okay, thought so but wanted to reinforce that image.

step 1:: bright and early - take the dogs to the vets for a special bath. they get excited - they love the special attention. check.
step 2:: buy foggers and tape up access from basement to upper floors. prepare front porch for three hour habitation. books, box fan, extension cord, new issue of real simple (the one with the dreamy purple bag), water, kitty food and water. check.
step 3:: capture the cat. surprisingly easier than i thought it would be as he was ready for his morning kibble and sitting on the top of the steps. he slid easily into the larger dog kennel. check (whew!!)
step 4:: turn off the pilot light (no ka-booms for us please) and activate the foggers. shut the doors and enjoy a morning on the porch. *thinks to self - wow, this is going really well.* ha.
step 5:: brother asks if i'm going to be ok - yes, yes i am. he deserts me with the cat. the cat begins a mournful meow. clearly he thinks he's related to elsa the lion. (you know you started humming 'born free') i cheerfully fill a bowl with cold, clear water and fill his dish with morning kibble. he nibbles and stares accusingly. i turn on fan. then i suddenly think *i have to pee.*
step 6:: sit back, prop up feet and still think, *this is okay*. cat glares reproachfully. meows become louder and more pitiful. i murmur loving tidbits of kitty loving.
step 7:: for the first hour there is a back and forth conversation consisting of meows and 'yes, yes, i know - i'm a bad mommy.' suddenly the kennel starts vibrating like the shipping crate containing the tasmanian devil on bugs bunny. claws are clinging to the front gate as i imagine him rattling the tin cup against the prison bars. i look in the kennel - oh dear, food and water are everywhere.
step 8:: i take the emergency towel (in case i had to go in the house it was intended to be a redneck gas mask.) i timidly open the kennel door and try to mop up the water that smells faintly of salmon. ick. he takes the opening and tries to squeeze last me. we wrestle briefly as i close the door. he glares some more.
step 9:: completely bored. book is predictable and the magazine is read. cat glares more as he sits pearched on the driest spot in the kennel, the towel.
step 10:: hours pass....wait, it was minutes.
step 11:: brother returns and declares it safe to go inside.
step 12:: we attempt to clean the cat with poor results and a few scratches. clearly cat hates smelling like a baby's heinie. *sigh* we apply the neck medicine against fleas and attempt to spray him to get the current ones. yeah. not fun.
step 13:: we release cat back into wild where he immediately flies for the nearest closet. i'm sure he's plotting my demise. possibly tonight.

25 comments:

  1. oh cats. they are so fab most of the time, but times like this --- UGH!!!!!

    sleep with one eye open, or have the dogs watch over you for the next few days. kitties hold a grudge and they can be so scary!

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  2. LOL...you should be a writer! Poor kitty!

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  3. what a day !
    fleas, cats...yuck, what a combo, but it made for a great story !

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  4. Char you seemed to be okay with all this, the cat will love ya in the am. Hope everything is cleared up. What are the foggers, never heard of them? Take care

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  5. That's why I love dogs more then cats...they are so much easier! I'm also glad we don't have fleas in Norway- at least I've never seen one here, so no foggers or hassle YAHOOO!!!

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  6. i love your humour! great story :)

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  7. My kids and Jeremiah are constantly on my back to get animals, and this flea nightmare is exactly the reason I tell them no every time.

    So maybe we should move to Norway and then the kids can get some pets?

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  8. good grief, such an operation! bet you are glad that is over!

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  9. Too funny! I'll never forget the time I took our cat to the vet. (my first encounter with a crazed cat) I had absolutely no experience with cats at all. I carried her in my arms....when we left the vet going to the car she put up a mighty struggle to escape. I was holding on for dear life. The vet's office was located on a busy highway. I was sure she would bolt into the street and be killed...my son's would be devastated...I would be a cat killer...somehow I got the insane cat into the car and we made it home. Late (this was in the days before carriers) someone told me I should have put her in a pillowcase for the trip....Thanks a lot!

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  10. Funny girl! I used to know a cat named Mayhem. He fit his name. Sleeping with him around was just about my most dangerous activity possible inside that house. Evil little kitty + sharp claws = no fun

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  11. i hate to laugh at this but it was a funny story. fleas - not so funny. knock-on-wood i haven't had the flea problem this year but have in the past - not fun.

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  12. Oh, my gosh! I remember days like this. Why did God create fleas?

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  13. Well, I kept wondering: did she get to go potty or did she hold it all that time??? I once caused a stove to go ka-boom. I was 17, living alone and pregnant. Didn't know a thing about gas stoves. Needed to start my long walk to work styling wigs (yes, laugh!) Turned on the oven and put a piece of bread in to toast. Got myself ready. Realized toast wasn't becoming toast. Realized, oh yeah, I think you stick a match in here somewhere. Next thing I know I'm airborne and plopped against the opposite wall. Went to ER, no real injuries. But a pregnant girl with little eyelashes or brows does look a might odd...
    Brenda

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  14. Wow! Wow! I really can feel your pain. Watch your back, with the cat. : )
    xo

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  15. Oh my, we've had our share of cat experiences. We used to have four and we've bathed them all at one time and actually the devil cat which we feared was the easiest. You just never know. What fun!

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  16. Our two dogs got fleas a little while back. It wouldn't have been terrible, but the older one is allergic, so she ate all the fur off her butt. It still hasn't grown back in. She looks like she is undergoing chemo. But just on her butt.

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  17. What a morning! I'm with Brenda, worried about whether you got to go in to use the washroom or not!

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  18. We've had to do that before and it's the biggest pain in the a@$! Especially when you have a parrot and a fish as well. We use Frontline every month now, as a result.

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  19. Still laughing at your cat smelling like a baby's heiny.

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  20. now this sounds like an adventure, ha!

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  21. Bless your heart and the poor cat's too!! My cat used to let me bathe him in the tub, he didn't like it but he didn't fight me either.....Oooo I miss him so much :(..... My daughter uses the flea drops that you apply once a month on her pets and they never get fleas. It's great stuff! Keep the humor coming dear!

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  22. I can just imagine the cat glaring at you through the kennel bars.... yes, you'd better sleep with one eye open. Probably a dead mouse to step on in the a.m. will be your reward? Or maybe jump up onto your bed with a live mouse and then drop it? ACK! Do I really want another cat, after thinking about that?

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i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.