it's been one of those weeks, you know. ups and downs - highs and lows. and i'm weary and tired and as hard as i try, i'm human and scared. i feel as though everything i try just sits there and kinda flails helplessly. and it's not because i feel alone - god, everyone has been so good to me and really tries to help. they bolster my feelings, i get odd jobs to help with things...i know i'm not alone.
and i know i should keep a positive attitude. i do. let me tell you - a positive attitude is a difficult thing to keep at 3:30 in the morning. but still i plug away and keep sending applications and resumes. i'm too old, too experienced, too inexperienced, too anything. could someone please give me that magic combination of words and phrases to get someone to freaking hire me? i feel as if the past eight months have the stamp across them called 'epic fail'.
and you know those sites - monster and career builder? total b.s. i work them almost daily looking for jobs and have yet to hear back from one of the places were i applied.
two years ago, i thought my life was pretty perfect business wise, even if personally it was crap with mom being so sick (she died in november). one year ago, i saw the handwriting business wise but never thought it would last this long. i thought i had plenty of resources to tide me over.
and still, i will suck it up and 'carry on' as the saying goes. i was taught that at an early age. life is life - life is what you make it. i can either be miserable all day and dwell in my fear or i can keep fighting. today, i keep fighting.