August 19, 2008

and this I do know....

seamless days stumble onto each other, stacking like cords of wood during a Thoreau-punctuated winter...simple, uncomplicated, barren. I seem to like them that way - as I leave them laying there unadorned and unexamined. I shrug and turn away. staring at the endless supply of hours and minutes that I whittle into tiny shavings of rosemary scented cedar.

I could pick the shavings up and mold them instead leaving them to dance in the wind but....I don't. it seems like too much effort really when nothing much seems to change. of course, I'm taunted by my cupboard of bon mots, "be the change you want to see in the world" *sigh*. some days I'm so full of myself, but secretly I know that it's true.

this is my pattern - working aggressively to get through an issue and stand at the end and wonder, "what the hell do I do now." now that I have nothing to worry about in a life that was filled with worry. now that most of my problems are solved. now that I'm bored with everything ... not everything. but the interia of being unable to move towards something else.

maybe because I don't know what else I really want to move towards. shiny lights? warm candles? .... what....I don't know. or if I do know, I don't know that I know. nothing is impossible I tell myself...unless I continously hold myself back...then, nothing is possible. that much is true.

1 comment:

  1. As worriers (is that a word?) we... YES, WE, are destined and determind to sabatage the calm we strive to create, somehow. Like a sailboat with no wind we lack direction when there is nothing to overcome. We are... bent, not quite broken, but there are some warpage isses, yes *sigh* definately issues, happily though, we are in good company. hugs


i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.