part of the reason i love blogs (and blogging) is the old fashioned, standing at the fence type talking it hearkens back to. long before there were blogs, cell phones, texting, twittering, and all the electronica that seems to eat up our lives - there was standing at the fence chatting - taking a pie to the neighbor's house visiting - listening on the party line curiosity - dancing at the grange hall saturday nights and the sunday dinner catch up.
i would fancy all of you coming over for a glass of ice tea on the porch, bringing a dish for sunday dinner, or sitting up playing cards until all hours of the night. that's just the kinda girl that i am. but, miles separate us. duties, obligations, other things pull at us and sometimes unravel us. but i'm always happy when you come back around.
i'm not scared to admit that life has been tough the past few years - mom being sick and then passing away. me being laid off and moving back home. but, in all of that there have been very beautiful things. i've reconnected with a part of myself that i had forgotten - the homemaker, the cook, the aunt, the sister. not that i didn't feel that way before but there is an intensity to it now.
and as i sit and look outside this large paned glass window, life is laid out before me. a woodpecker sits sunning in the chinaberry tree, bees flit in front of the window and the sun is filtering through the leaves as they blow in the wind. just when i think life sucks, i find the strength to cling onto it like the last rock before the cliff. it's not easy - there are days i really hate myelf - which is foolish because if i truly controlled my life (as i'm wont to try to convince myself that i do) i would never push along to this point. so, the truth (to me) is that the illusion of control is so very faint really. we're not in control - we try to make ourselves drive the bus - but, it's rolling along quite well without any brakes most times. the best we can do is grab hold of the steering now and again.
and ... enjoy the happy times when they come along. that's the gift.