I had lots of thoughts about Earth Day this year - being unemployed allows you to do things like have deep thoughts of things that matter. I have so much more time on my hands than I used to when I ran solid all day and collapsed in a general heap of mushbrains at night. I thought I would re-read "Walden" because Thoreau is a hero of simplicity and keeping the earth well. But...I didn't. I did though re-read the "Spring" essay and found comfort in his thought about rain...the rain we've had so much of so far. The rain that I will plead for in the summer that is coming. I need to get dressed and go buy the flowers I promised myself to plant today. Funny, I can't remember if I have worn these two days or three days. (just kidding)
There is this magazine I found, "100 ideas - Flea Market Style" and I wonder - just where are these fabulous flea markets where they are finding these fabulous things? My bloggy friend, Mary, finds these great things too. I find them...but boy do they want me to pay for them. So not in my budget right now. But I love looking at the pretties. Maybe I will wander over to my favorite place today and see if there is anything new. Romantic Homes also has an article called "Thrift Shop Chic" - it seems that shabby chic has evolved (or is it devolved) into thrift shop and repurposed. Lord help me if I start haunting garage sales on the weekend. The next thing you know I will have a beehive and will try on clothes right there at the sale. Please don't let me haggle over a dime item. You would have permission to slap me on the spot.
Photography wise I feel so stagnant. I do - I have driven on adventures and have found a few things. Don't tell my sister....but Montgomery really sucks wind as a photography town. I find myself forced to photograph the same flowers over and over again and I'm sorry but I just can't get much more creative with tulips, daisies or the like without pulling my hair out. I refuse to start photographing things just to be able to take pictures everyday (like recommended by all the mentors around.) I've got to get the mojo back.
This week I'm dealing with a lot of anger and repressed feelings about unemployment and the fear that me, as well as countless others will never recover from this culumination of the "me" generation resulting in this depression/recession - whatever you call it. I'm generally a "glass half full" person who works hard to finish filling the glass...but, I am drowning this week. I struggled with writing this paragraph because it seems so "look at the poor, pathetic, petrified" girl - feel sorry for her. But, I can't not tell you the truth about the situation. So, bear with me if you will. I know I'm not the only person dealing with this....and I know there are others in much worse shape. So, believe me - I will "buck up" and struggle on. That is part of why I posted the previous blog, to remind myself there are small bits of happy all along.
On the other hand...I'm very excited about the etsy shop. Things are thrilling there for me and I get so excited when I make a small sale. As always when things like that happen, I channel Sally Fields. To celebrate maybe I can stop by the farmer's market for some fresh strawberries since they are in season. After all, I should practice what I preach and take pleasure in the small things to bolster my spirits.
Now I feel like I should apologize for being whiny - that's what being raised politely will do for you, right? We may throw our tantrums politely and apologize ever so sweetly after for displaying that nasty bit of emotion. I think that's why I laugh so much at children because they put it all out there and don't really care if you saw it or not. But, ... I think it's good to let a vulnerable side show. It reminds us that we are human and not superheroes that can tough out anything.
Char,.... come north, the mountains here will leave you breathless with so many angles and colors and shapes to photograph. you don't need to apologize for worrying about the financial situation,.. I am also worried. I think almost everyone is. And you are right, it stems from the "me" philosophy, and lots of poor management in financial sectors. OK I'll get off soapbox now,...I wish I had a solution for you,... I don't. I wish you had one for me, you don't. I guess we'll have to just keep on keepin' on,... hang in there girl!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're having a bad day. And, I don't think you should ever have to apologize for having one. (Isn't that what blogging is for?) I have been unemployed before, and feel your pain, and, I am again sitting on the line and waiting to hear if I will soon be out of a job as well.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Your Etsy shop is very good!
No need to apologise Char. On the plus side, you have so much going for you just now. And your photography helps you to see the smallest of things in a positive light.
ReplyDeletechar i hope that you will feel better after writing this in your space...i come to visit your blog on good days as well as the days you struggle and even though I have no answers I have to believe that a great job will be yours in the future! you will get through this and dealing with the feelings is a big part of it...hang in there my friend
ReplyDeleteblessings
elk
I did not hear you whine once....you shared your feelings with emotion, you wrote words that we can all relate to....what I read and felt was a real person being real and saying like it is...
ReplyDeleteps...you can always come to wisconsin for a photo shoot...I think you'd like it !
I wouldn't call this post whining either. There's nothing wrong with talking about worry or vulnerability. And I'm glad too that you have your photography to "see" things through. Creativity is a wonderful outlet, and your photos are always beautiful.
ReplyDeleteChar, We all have times when we just need to vent. Don't apologize for it -- it will make you feel better. And who wants to be Superwoman anyway?
ReplyDeleteThe best photographs are not just technically proficient, they also evoke emotions in the viewer. And that is what your photography does. So let yourself be angry, or vulnerable, or sad, or hopeful... and keep on shooting.
And if you need a sympathetic ear, feel free to email me. :)
xoxo,
Mary
Blah. Pretending like we're happy all the time is ridiculous. I've also had a lot of anger over the situation we are currently stuck in, and I'm lucky enough to still have a job. Every single one of my parents (I have 4)have lost their jobs and they've been looking for work for months. It's a frustrating, infuriating situation and we have a right to be upset.
ReplyDeleteBuy yourself some flowers and play around with your camera for a while. It helps!
HIya Char- I'm grateful for your musings right about now. It's downright terrifying and it helps for me to hear someone else articulate what I'm feeling (finishing up a Masters I can barely explain, totally distracted by the employment issue, or lack thereof, and wondering just what I was thinking when I signed up for all these student loans...)
ReplyDeleteBUT, on a more grateful note, I received your print today, LOVE it and can't wait to find the perfect spot for it once we move. So thank you!
And 'bout those photographs, I love the flower pictures, even as they might bore you... You do great work and I'm glad to hear you're enjoying the Etsy shop!
oh, the unemployment thing is brutal. it is such mind (and wallet) fuck. i wish i could help. i hope something fab lands in your lab soon. this stupid economy is a nightmare right now, but i know it has to get better, and SOON.
ReplyDeleteI love that you said "buck up", that's a phrase I use on myself, too! haha
ReplyDeleteAnother thing we have in common right now is that I feel like I've lost my photo-mojo lately......I've taken photos, but still....something is lacking.
How can we help one another?! I wonder.....
Being honest is not being whiny myfriend.
ReplyDeletenamaste and *hugs*
Well, if you can't "whine" to your friends, who can you whine to?
ReplyDeleteI haven't been inspired to take any pictures in weeks. Don't know what's up with that.
Here's a hug from me to you. ((hug))
oh dear ... i'm sorry your struggling so much. perhaps this is a vital learning experience in your life? not that you deserve to feel down-and-out, but maybe in the long run this will be good for you.
ReplyDeletesorry if that sounds silly ... i'm trying to be positive.
no matter what - this is your blog and you can cry if you want to.
that's what we're here for, you know.
to listen.
I do not believe that you're going to be one of those who drowns in this depression/recession that's happening. I don't believe it because you have gumption. I don't often use that word but in this case, it applies. I feel the same way about my photography sometimes; the same old flowers here, nothing going on . . . and I never mind when you vent. I need to do it, too sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are not alone.
Keep those floral photos
ReplyDeletecoming! Be rest assured
that you've got one fan
out here that loves and
appreciates them! Hang
in there. Take this time
to continue what you are
doing. . . exploring, both
outside and within. Zen
for the day. ;o)
What!? You're not a superhero? Well, you had me fooled ;)
ReplyDeleteI have to say those are some yummy shades of green in your photograph today. I love the soft, fresh look.
It's nice to hear your human side even if when it's hard to swallow. Hugs to you friend.
plus, those strawberries would make a fine photograph. ;-)
ReplyDeleteyou're not whining, you're working it all out, right here in the blogosphere. and that's what it's all about.
and we're all listening and sending good vibes your way. your mojo is there, it's just taking a little break. it'll be back, don't worry. go sneak up on a dead piano, that just might help. ;-)
xoxox,
/j
i'm glad that you are finding excitement and success—even if small for now—in your Etsy shop! i hope that it is what will sustain you until you get another job.
ReplyDeletei'm so glad to know that i can look to you for support and know that you identify when i am going through my hard days, too.
i really just feel stuck. paralyzed. like i can't move. and i hate being alone during the day. i can't get anything done. i'm just not used to it.
thanks for sharing with us through your "stuff". it helps me more than you know.
This post describes me to a T these days, too. Very up and down, angry and depressed about the whole unemployment thing. There are good days and many bad days, but I'm okay so far, and I guess I will be as time goes on. And I understand about the photography slump. I'm in one myself. I saw some pretty light this morning that I snapped, but nothing much beyond that has caught my eye. I think creativity is definitely linked to frame of mind. So keep up with those cheerful flowers :)
ReplyDeleteAs for thrift stores, I am in love with them more than ever. Most of the time I don't find anything or it's way overpriced, like you said. But sometimes I have a magical shopping day and I have to decide what NOT to buy :)
Lol, hey I LOOOOVe garage sales and I don't have a beehive, lol. It is the BEST place to find thrifted chic (and the goodwill). Antique stores and flea markets are for "special occasions" in my book. Way over priced.
ReplyDeleteI don't think your in a rut in your photography...each new image appears to me to be fresh and full of life. Sometimes though its best to just step back...fill the creative well again as they say. Take this weekend, relax, go thrifting and just leave the camera at home.
Much love friend. Always.
a.