October 20, 2010

dance of anger

 i always remember being told never go to bed angry when i was about to get married.  and we tried....yes we tried - but there are some days when it's better to be a little angry and agree to talk about it after you've had time to process than it is to keep hammering at something that just prolongs the anger.  and me, well - once i get my anger out i'm usually over it anyway - unless someone keeps poking at the wound.

so....i wondered how this applied to blogger.  is it better to type out the anger blog and let it dance around in your mind and press "post" or is it better to save it as a draft for a while. then erase it...
...thinking about that....
still a little miffed here actually....
........then, i do my practical thing....is being miffed going to solve the situation?....probably not.
is being miffed going to make anything go faster?  definitely not.

so i put on my big girl panties and deal with it.  i went back to the table to see how we can get past this.  and i know part of it is my problem - coming from a very small pond where it was very easy to get things done to a very large pond when everyone doesn't always work towards the best, most efficient way - they work the way they have been taught and lord knows, that won't change at the drop of a hat....oops - apparently still a little miffed.

so....i ask you - better to post or save? 


  1. I think it is okay to post unless you have written it when you are really tired, I try not to write when I am tired because my perspective becomes much clearer after a good sleep. then on the other hand if we post what we are really thinking sometimes it is good to get off your chest. I just realized to you I am no help at all. Smiles.

  2. I am just a blurter outer. I know you have seen on my blogs how wishy washy I am. I am going to see if I in my silliness and impulsiveness..can post it at night in a draft..and save it till morning to post. I ask myself "is there a chance this will hurt anybody?" Even me...am I going to be embarrassed when I read it? I have deleted so many posts it's pathetic. LoL
    I'm probably not making sense??????
    New philosophy...first do no harm.
    Will someone in my family or perhaps on the job read my blog. This is a public forum, after all.
    I hope this helps. you could just leave it in draft till so you can read it, and see if it passes...
    thank you for stopping by my place.. =0)

  3. Oh boy, this is one I struggle with all the time, not just in blog land. I will be of no help either because I believe it depends on the topic. I tend to type it all out as fast as I can and then pause. Come back and reread. If it is directed at some blatant horrible injustice I tend to just close my eyes, cringe and hit post, and take the fallout. If it is about an individual who has harmed you or another, then I really am reluctant to put it out there unedited, or at least without some of the insults a little watered down.

    Without inflection or tone, far too many times our purpose is misunderstood, and although we wish to make our feelings known I am still uncomfortable achieving that at the expense of hurting someone else; well, unless they damn well deserve it.

    So see? no help at all.

    I was also taught by my very wise Father never to put anything in writing that I wouldn't want read in fifty years. Though he never touched a computer, I think that may also apply to posting....


  4. I'd say draft and save it for a day. If it still looks effective and you're feeling the same one day later, then you can always post more assuredly at that time. Or not. But either way, you'll be better with your decision.

  5. That's a hard one...
    Will whom ever you are MIFFED at ever read your post?
    Can it get out?
    Will gossip start amongst your friends who read your Blog?
    I think we all would like to BLURT...but we really have to take care we can deal with the after math.
    Write and save...re-evaluate...maybe...yeah, I think it's safer.
    Hope the rest of your day gets better!

  6. i don't know what to say...i usually just post it.... and hope for the best

    enjoyed my visit here with you today, my friend
    i always do


  7. my philosophy is, when in doubt, ride it out...

    so I'd say write it all out, save to draft, sleep on it, read it again and then decide.

    in my case, i generally err on the side of discretion when i do that.

    i also find that slamming a few cabinet doors and stomping my feet like a 4 year old gets rid of some of the latent anger...*

    *this works best when one is alone... :)

  8. I'd write it and save the draft for a day and then see how I feel. Whenever I've really vented in my journal, I've looked back and thanked God that I was the only one who would ever see it! lol.

  9. I always hate it when someone thinks their way is the ONLY way! Somebody out there just might happen to have a good/better idea...something fresh and new. Just tell them to get outa their old muddy rut!! When I worked in banking we HAD to do things from the corporate level which came from a much much larger city...sometimes those things just did not work in our little community! They threw personal attention out the door and slammed it shut! They had their own idea of customer service that the people in our town left thinking you were fake and too over the top! .......OK I've stirred my self up again. Just to let you know that I know how you feel...one small goldfish in that big pond.
    Stand firm my friend and get it out!

  10. i've had a "whiner" post in my head for but am afraid to post it for being misunderstood. maybe if i would just write it out and save as a draft it would help me to at least clear it out of my head. sometimes it just helps to get it out that way.
    btw i love this tree image.

  11. Well you know I write about almost everything. I suppose it does "depend." Will posting this help you somehow? And could it help others that read it? Will others that read it identify with your anger and offer you some words of wisdom? If you just need to release...maybe let it sit for a few days and see if all blows over. I am learning (at 40...lol) that time is a great healer.

  12. I wont be much help ... i once read that once you write out your blog post, check for spelling errors and then just post. the more you read it, the more you change it, the more its not really how you feel. but, i leave everything in the drafts folder for at least a day. it all depends on the situation, who might read it. see, no help. :o)

  13. hmm...good question. I've done both. It actually helped to vent. Sometimes I've typed away and just kept the post as a draft. Again, the venting felt good even though no ones really reading it.

  14. hmmm. good question.

    i tend to think posting is helpful. then again i have been going bonkers at work lately, and i find that i just HAVE to complain and bellyache and that tends to help me feel better. i spent many years suppressing anger and keeping it in, and it seems i can't do that so well anymore. lol!

    hope things get better for you, one way or another!!!!!

  15. caroline said exactly what was floating around in my head.....

  16. I usually draft, save it for a bit, come back to it, revise, and then eventually post. I almost never delete it entirely, but I find that if I give myself the time to come back and revise it, it will be more considered, less "knee-jerk, plus the writing's usually better." I have a bit of a temper sometimes, so for me it's wiser to put a little distance between myself and that initial draft! I do this in my regular publishing, too. When I have to send a piece to an editor, I draft it many, many times before I send it on its way.

    This is a fantastic question, Char! Thinking of you . . . xoxo Gigi

  17. I dearly wish I had your obvious restraint.

  18. I'm a "hold it all in" kind of person all the time...therefore I always have little to say:) I am always overly worried about hurting someone's feelings or getting in trouble or sounding silly. Maybe this all stems from being embarrassed as a child when something I wrote was read in front of class and hurt me and others...That was long ago but I still never write down anything I wouldn't mind Everyone to read.

    I'm not saying this is right...I'm only saying I have a problem:)

  19. i can't keep anything upsetting in too long...tears me up. so i am usually out with it sooner better than later.

  20. save! for sure. ; ) it's bound to be a different post, once i have slept on it. : )

  21. way better to post. blogging is cheaper than therapy, I say. and for me, blogging helps me process and think through, makes it all clearer. but you don't really seem THAT miffed. let it out, baby!


  22. Hmmm...good question. I suppose it depends on the situation and spin you put on it. There are wretched things that happen in our lives that pretty much everyone can relate to. Writing it down can help others. If you can put a humorous spin on it, it can also make people laugh ... while making them feel not so alone. Of course, you can also just be tired and spout something off that could come back to bit you. Not that I would know that from experience or anything ... :)

  23. When writing stuff down, I always try to think of any future repercussions coming back on me. That being said, I think your post was sufficiently vague so that nothing could be used against you and because it names no one, then no one should get their feelings hurt. Basically, you just stated that you are steamed because it's hard to agree with everyone all the time...especially when you have a better idea. Nothing wrong with that.

  24. I'd say that there are no hard and fast rules. Your blog is your own and sometimes it feels better to write what you feel, perhaps others can help you to get beyond the anger. That being said, however, sometimes what we say, or write, may hurt others and that leads to regret. And so, while I believe that it is always beneficial to talk things out, sometimes that conversation needs to be with yourself.

  25. I'm really having trouble finding those big girl panties today...

  26. love Bev's answer. I have a private blog i usually save that kind of thing for with a trusted group of friends I know can tell me the truth no matter what....(even when i'm in the wrong. gasp! never!! ;) ;)

  27. That's a tough one. I have some posts that I wrote more than a year ago, and they're still in draft form. If I want to keep the temperament of my blog, I'd either have to "soften" them or make them more generic. Gosh forbid anyone know the REAL me. :o/

  28. always save ..it changes after a time..sometimes worse often gotten better

  29. I think I find the act of writing itself somewhat cathartic... I don't have to post or send the letter, etc. -- just write out my feelings. I wrote a letter to my sil a few years ago when she did something that I violently disagreed with... it felt good to get my feelings down on paper, even though I never sent her the letter.

  30. I think better to write and delete. Definitely. Said can never be unsaid. I know that for certain. By experience, unfortunately. I am thinking that maybe it's the same with blogging?


i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.