doin's and props

thanks to all that shared and read the life lessons blogs.  it took a lot for some of the bloggers to share such intimate details of their lives and i appreciate you giving them that voice. 

in other news...the month is drawing to a close before i really got to know it.  with the time change in november, i feel like i missed the harvest moon.  but...it was lovely and bright...in my window on those sleepless nights.  here in the south we are still tettering on that borderline between summer and fall - days quite warm but the changing leaves signal what our hearts know, fall is here. 

i participated in relyn's autumn celebration swap with amy jo and got the sweetest autumn package this week - filled with all kinds of goodies and goodness, i think i squealed when i spied a penguin classic book - how did she know i collect those?  pictures will come soon - i'm sooooo behind on photos as i have been living, breathing and yes, it feels like eating health information technology and exchange.  (sorry, i'll stop whining now)  it was such a fun swap as it was for a book ("gently used if possible"), something handmade (ugh, i'm soooo not the crafty girl i've found out) and something "autumn." 

as an indulgence, i purchased a ring from my friend, leslye's etsy shop.  words cannot describe what beautiful work is on this ring - i adore it.  if you are a fan of handmade jewelry i encourage you to check out the shop - gorgeous work.  just gorgeous.  "live, love, laugh" - definitely words to live by - yes?

dark clouds are hovering by my window and i'm reminded there are miles to go before i sleep.  i hope the day treats you well...and finds you safe and sound.  me, i will work with the raining dancing on my window panes and prodded by the thunder to speed me along. 

life lessons...

check back throughout the day.  people will be sharing their "a-ha's" - their life lessons.  and i will be sharing mine.

krista's lesson is touching and teaches us about the power of friendship.

deb's lesson came later in life.

puna's follow the leader message

georgie learns about heartbreak

oldgreymare learns so many powerful things.

char learns everything the hard way

glenda learned to dance and fight the battle

hard lessons

then i started this idea i thumbed back through my memory.  it seemed looking back that the only why i have learned lessons in my life have been in the typical "hard way" - that is...for myself.  never taking the word of wiser people before me, i charged ahead and cleared my own paths.  and it seemed i never made much head way.  at times i would shake my fists and stomp my feet that surely life was just NOT meant to be this hard for me.  and then...i would look around and see that life is hard for many, many, many people.  so...i face myself in the mirror and dealt with it most days.  but....honestly it took a long time to be able to do that - face myself in that mirror.  to really be honest with myself and say it was my responsibility to do that.  actually the light bulb went off in my head watching "you've got mail."  i love that movie - not just for the romantic aspects of it but for what she goes through.  here is this life she has built for herself - all nicely tied up in a bow - the perfect business, the perfect man, the perfect job...everything.  and her world changes.  and at first she's mad at him ... but it turns out in reality - all changes she had to make for life to be better.  and one of the sayings i engrave on my heart.  "it's not personal, it's business."  when things happen - change - too often we look outside ourselves for the solution instead of facing what we have to change.  and as i also discovered yesterday - simply having the faith to make the impossible possible doesn't guarantee the process will be easy.

sometimes the world changes on us and we have no clue why - i actually think i'm a lucky person if i do discover the "why" or have that type of closure.  sometimes, the is only the acceptance we can achieve that something was unknowable.  (is that a word?)  i will never know why my brother was one of the rare exceptions to get his disease and die at 13.  i can't imagine the pain my mother dealt with in letting two children go from death - i do know for many years i blamed - and yes, sometimes hated - my parents for the sacrifices they made to raise we survivors.  and the sacrifices i made - wondering at times where money would come from to pay electricity or water bills.  dealing with my parents' issues from having children die long before they were 'supposed to' - a valium addiction, depression, cheating - the gamut of what they call 'coping' mechanisms. 

i've now become wiser and have some perspective on my mother's life - i was fortunate to get pass the place of anger in my life to acceptance that 'it was what it was' - there is no changing the past and all we can do is accept it's place in forming the me that is me today.  i'm a stronger woman for it. 

getting back to the movie...and it's not personal - it's business.  the biggest lesson that i've learned lately is that my job does not define me.  that at the end of the day, i can say i do a great job, i work hard and then i go home to live the life for me.  as so many wise people before me have said - work to live, not live to work. 

if you have gotten this far - thank you - you are a blessing in my life.  you are the sounding board that allows me to have a voice to the outside world and i appreciate you.

readings

i read something today that clicked in my head....that "faith makes things possible but not easy."  it was one of those things that never made sense to me before - having had faith and the answer was sometimes no, or not right now.  too often i want it the easy way.  when in reality, if something was really easy i would  be suspicious. 
it was enough to make me think.

speaking of lessons - tomorrow will be the posting party for those that agreed to write their "life lessons" and post them here.  some of the lessons will require a lot of bravery to show this very vulnerable side and i applaud them for sharing.  if you decide to join in - e-mail me a link to your blog and i will make sure it goes up tomorrow.

i also will be posting a life lesson - though it seems lately that all i have done is post them.  but...as a sneak preview, i will tell you how the movie "you've got mail" saved my sanity and showed me the path.  no, not to internet dating but... well - i'll tell you more tomorrow.  until then....sweet dreams and finer things my friends.

it's (almost) friday and i love a list

reasons that i'm glad it's (almost) friday:

• it's been a tough week with moving offices, having consultants in and just the general nature of our work and the impossible deadlines set by the feds.
• i have absolutely nothing planned and i'm pretty happy with that.
• magazine indulgences:  victoria, real simple, southern living, and a taste of the south.
• a harvest full moon.
• golden light in the afternoon.
• birthday party invitations
• news of elopements - soooo romantic
• searches for new recipes

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today on my i-pod:  sundown (gordon lightfoot), come monday (jimmy buffet), come away with me (norah jones), have a little faith in me (john hiatt), these arms of mine (otis redding), take it to the limit (eagles), because i told you so (jonatha brooke), 50 ways to leave your lover (paul simon), kiss (prince)

dance of anger

 i always remember being told never go to bed angry when i was about to get married.  and we tried....yes we tried - but there are some days when it's better to be a little angry and agree to talk about it after you've had time to process than it is to keep hammering at something that just prolongs the anger.  and me, well - once i get my anger out i'm usually over it anyway - unless someone keeps poking at the wound.

so....i wondered how this applied to blogger.  is it better to type out the anger blog and let it dance around in your mind and press "post" or is it better to save it as a draft for a while. then erase it...
...thinking about that....
still a little miffed here actually....
........then, i do my practical thing....is being miffed going to solve the situation?....probably not.
is being miffed going to make anything go faster?  definitely not.

so i put on my big girl panties and deal with it.  i went back to the table to see how we can get past this.  and i know part of it is my problem - coming from a very small pond where it was very easy to get things done to a very large pond when everyone doesn't always work towards the best, most efficient way - they work the way they have been taught and lord knows, that won't change at the drop of a hat....oops - apparently still a little miffed.

so....i ask you - better to post or save? 

sometimes it bends to the left...sometimes the right

being a finance major, an ex-banker and now a program administrator means that i usually try to think in very logical, straight lines....credits here, debits there - a sort of balance to my world in whatever way it may apply.  you would think anyway.

but there is a bend in my view of the view of the world and it doesn't always follow the straight line.  sometimes it twists and turns, sometimes there are just slight curves.  today - let's just hope it is a curve.

in the midst of all the work we're doing - we're playing fruit basket turnover with offices.  i come out pretty good - i will get a bit larger office, a conference table and a fabulous view of the state capital (instead of the building construction).  i think i came out ahead.

and in that light, i will paraphrase the comedian ron white - when life hands you lemons, go find someone whose life gives them vodka and have a party!  that always makes me laugh.  (and yes, it makes the logical person me wonder what kind of life gives someone vodka....but it's funny)

the good news about last minute packing - there is always a good reason to save those cute handled paper bags from cool places like anthropologie's and francesca's - they are perfect for carrying odds and ends to the new office!  *smile*

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today on my ipod - running to stand still (u2), stay on the ride (patty griffin), up on the roof (the drifters), sometimes love just ain't enough (patty smythe & don henley), low (cracker), steer (missy higgins), no air (jordan sparks)

this and that - here and there

let's see - what all has happened this week?  it was a rough-ish week...not feeling so hot, working hard and frantically as we rush to get things together for contract review. 

friday night i went to the fair with my sister and a friend.  my nephew was there with us but not "with" us if you translate that to the pre-teen vernacular.  this was his first year that he got to control his money, meet up with his "non-girlfriend" and hang out with his friends.  it worked perfectly and he was very responsible.  it amazes me how grown up the boys are getting to be.

saturday i recovered.  *laughs* i think we talked our feet off and the fair food didn't agree with me so much.  it also finished up my autumn swap with my partner from relyn's blog.  i'm excited to mail my package! i also e-mailed details to the people that wanted to participate in the life lessons excercise.  look for more details on that later.  *smile*  on a sad note....my apple cake did not turn out as pretty as cora's...it seems i can't tell time and took it out about 20 minutes too soon...so i got it edible but not beautiful.  i'm soooo not a baker.

today was errands and bits around the house.  nothing exciting but...it is my life so...you know.  i really must do a vacation soon.

interruption in my regular broadcasting...

i would like to do a series...perhaps in a series of guest posts...or a link party - about life lessons.  oprah calls them those "ah-ha moments" - homer simpson may call them those "d'oh moments".  but...i call them -

"what i learned"

i would like to gather (and we all have them) stories from everyone about a situation that challenged you - how you turned it around - and ...what you learned.

you never know when something you have learned may be the very thing that someone else needs to know.  it could be something simple or something profound.

if you are interested - e-mail me - my e-mail is on my profile.

navigation

remember that saying, "can't see the forest for the trees?"  it seems i heard that a lot as a child...and probably as an adult too.  i often think of my life in this matter - life is a big forest - a tangle of paths, trees, roadblocks, bridges, wild animals, thorns, wildflowers and, well, you get the analogy i'm sure.

often, as i barrel along through the forest - not thinking much about where i'm going or what lies outside the forest - is it happiness, peace - serenity...or, the showdown showcase (name that gameshow?).  anyway - there i go skipping and suddenly *boom* there is a tree i never noticed before standing right in my path.  i'm unprepared so i didn't bring an axe or a saw.  i'm not the strongest person, so battering it with my fist just seems to cause me injury...i too often forget to take a step back and look...because, heaven forbid i go backwards...right?

so there are days that i'm reminded that sometimes a step back to gain perspective is the right thing to do.  that not everything i do means i have to crash headfirst into the tree blocking my path and perhaps if i had planned a bit better i could avoid that particular tree.

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today on my i-pod - mercy (duffy), cry to me (solomon burke - rest in peace), words (ryan adams), out of my head (fastball), world spins madly on (the weepies), beast of burden (the rolling stones)

. . .

'climb the mountains and get their good tidings.  nature's peace will flow into you 

as sunshine flows into trees.  the winds will blow their own freshness into you, 

and the storms their energy, while care will drop off like autumn leaves.'  ~ john muir

i've erased this paragraph about five times now.  that

being said - i hope you all have the freedom to be exactly who you are.  

i sit here in my room and listen to the ambient noise of the television and smelling the scent of apple cinnamon candles and see the delicate spider lily still beautiful in the old glass bottle.  and know that i'm safe at home.  that is a wonderful feeling.  

and they called it puppy love.....

it seems we have a secret admirer.  for three days in a row a single spider lily has been left intertwined in our gate.  romantic but so very fall. 

i can remember picking these lilies on the way home from school and taking them to my mother.  i have always loved their alien shape and bright color.  and they always seemed be blooming when i went back to school - springing up in unusual places - randomly in a yard, instead of the usual gardens.  whimsical and happy splashes of scarlet.

as for the admirer...i'm not sure - but i suspect it is one of the three young ladies that love to chat up my brother whenever he's outside.  (for the first few days - my brother thought it was me and i thought it was him)  but today...i took the lily in and smiled.  oh young love....young love.

****************
today on my ipod -  hard to please (the weepies), blowin' in the wind (bob dylan), somewhere out there (our lady peace), harvest moon (neil  young), what do you do/the glory of love (lyle lovett and his large band), higher (jackie wilson), everyday (dave matthews band), fly (nick drake)

its friday and i love a list

this may be my most favorite photo i've ever taken.  it's an old shot from almost two years ago.

i haven't feel great this week...so these are some of my comforts when i'm feeling a little puny...

• grilled cheese sandwiches - crispy, buttery and with real cheddar whenever possible.
• chicken and dumplings.
• hot tea with honey and lemon and buttered toast.
• orange sherbet and sprite floats.
• fluffy blankets, fluffy pillow and old movies
• the beatles
• fresh flowers
• my sister's potato soup

today on my i-pod (in tribute to john lennon especially, but the beatles too) - imagine, woman, yesterday,  i wanna hold your hand, norwegian wood, paperback writer, here comes the sun, and i love her, nowhere man

imperfectly me

i'm house-sitting this week for a friend - whenever i do stuff like that, it throws me off my game a bit.  i'm not a morning person.  speaking of imperfections (as other bloggers are)
i'm sure it is no secret to you all, that ... well...i'm not perfect.  which is sort of good news because you know what?  i think sorta perfect people are way too much pressure to measure up to...so, here's some things about me. (apologies to those who have read any past confessions posts)

• i hate mornings - really, don't talk to me for about 30 minutes after i get up. 
• i'm grumpy at times and during those times i don't want to see or talk to people.
• i can be a bit of a slob at home - not dirty, just not tidy.  i was not bitten by the "put it up immediately" bug.
• i don't always like shaving my legs either - it's a bit of a bore, especially if there's no one to "appreciate" freshly shaven legs. *grin*
• i like junk, sugar and carbs - yep - and i'm not going to deny myself the pleasures of those.  so i will never be as skinny or lanky as a super model.  and i don't care - i can't see the point in living life in such denial. 
• i also eat meat.  yep...i said it.
• being the oldest, i can be a bit (or more) bossy - but that is usually when there is not a clear cut plan or decision.  if no one steps up, i will and will lead the charge.  it's not that i have to have my way but if anyone waffles or lets me take charge, i will. 
• i'm competitive - it used to be really bad...but, i've realized how unattractive this can be and i'm breaking this habit.
• i curse.  another habit i've been trying to break but....yeah.  i curse.
• i'm an interrupter.  i hate that about myself - but it's not to be rude.  it's because i'm so excited and want to contribute to the conversation.  so....yet another bad habit i'm trying to break.  *sigh*
• and typing this list i've found...i have a lot of bad habits.

*whew* reading all of that about myself makes me wonder how i'm fit for human companionship.  but, as with anyone - i have good points too.  i'm blessed enough with friends that tell me that...

• i'm a good listener.  and now, since i'm breaking that whole "interrupter" habit - i'm super focused on listening. 
• i'm practical and logical (with semi-frequent flights of whimsy or silly).  not to the stogy side, but i'm a problem-solver.  i like finding alternate solutions to a problem when it feels like everyone has hit a brick wall. 
• i'm dependable.  yep...
• i'm kind - i believe to the depth of my core that i want to treat everyone the way i would like to be treated.
• i give dollars to homeless people and i never worry that they use it on cigarettes or whatever.  i figure it is on them and my dollar was given in good faith that they needed it. 
• i have an ability to laugh at myself - which means that even if i get irritated or grumpy, i get over it quickly. 
• i work hard and steady. 
• i'm funny, quirky and a bit of an oddball.  and i like it that way.  as thoreau pointed out, i march to the beat of my own drums and hate to be a 'cookie cutter' type person.  viva la difference!
• maybe this should be in the fault category...but, i have this ability to see both sides to most everything. 
• i'm honest, i'm the one that gives back too much change, turns in found items, and doesn't cut in line. 

 i can't believe i'm about to press "post"

being a hawk on a chicken kinda day

today when i left the house i was filled with such joy for living that i wanted to freeze time and hold it close and precious.  i wanted to take it and wear it like a single, warm pendant where it could always be close to my heart. 

so much of our time is spent being responsible - working, doing, chores, tasks, lists, and the other myriad things that make us feel bogged down.  this morning i wanted to fly - soar high above and delight in the cool breeze and the changing colors.

but...i came to work.  and that is good too because it allows me to live and not be worried about bills and other anchors around my ankles.

as i approach one year working i find that i'm comfortable and safe and most days that is good enough.  other days not so much.  but life is all about balance isn't it? 

so for today when i'm working and i would rather be soaring....i will hold on to the beauty in my heart - where i keep my savings account just for this purpose.

things that make my heart sing:  crunchy leaves, caramel apples, lea michael's voice, cool winds rustling the leaves, dimples, nephew's sleeping on my sofa, pugs on my lap, white chocolate mocha and warm poundcake straight from the oven.

today on my ipod - beautiful (christina aguilera), defying gravity (glee cast - lea michaels), i don't know (ryan bingham), try a little tenderness (otis redding), take it to the limit (the eagles), diamonds and rust (joan baez), someone like you (van morrison), i feel the earth move (carole king), the honey tree (mostar driving club)

today is good

don't you love the days where you get so much done?  i do.  we have good progress in clearing out the basement - i went to the farmer's market and bought pumpkins, mums and pansies.  it's a good tired.

by the way - did anyone get to see 'teach' on a&e?  tony danza teaching english in an urban high school in philadelphia?  i found myself loving it today and really rooting for him and the children.  i was intrigued with seeing it after hearing an interview he did on the radio earlier this week ... and i love his three rules for his classroom - two of which i can remember off the top of my head:  "be kind" and "believe".  what wonderful messages.

hope you're having a beautiful weekend.

it's friday and i love a list

things i love about october

1.  it's cancer awareness month and the month is devoted to screenings and things that keep you healthier, longer - pay attention peeps and make sure you take care of business.  women - go get your ta-tas checked, perferably by a doctor but...you know.
2.  alabama football is in full swing and high schoolers are having homecoming.  i love all the homemade homecoming floats.  so cute.  do they still wear the mum corsages as big as their heads?  i loved those mum corsages.  i also love the high school marching band music (especially the drumline.)
3.  cooler temperatures begin to tickle our fancy - making me think that i need to pull the sweaters out of the basement to begin preparations of wearing them later in the month.  i start thinking of comfort food like apple pies, stews, and other warm treats.
4.  the fair begins next week and i'm going to cross something off my list this year *stomps foot*  i'm going to do some night photography there.  (and eat some cotton candy - just being honest there folks)
5.  the light is just prettier - lovely pink mornings and lucious golden afternoons that lead to purple dusks.
6.  halloween size bags of mini candy bars....need i say more about that?
7.  fallings leaves that rustle sweet sounds.  forget the waterfall sounds on the noise machine that just work to make me wanna go potty - if someone was able to get this sound down pat i would sleep like a baby all night long.
8.  gorgeous moon rises - especially full moons that are huge, colorful and hypnotizing.
9.  pumpkins, acorns, gum balls, and other bits of nature that are so beautiful to gather.
10.  naked trees with lacey branches.

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today on my i-pod - long train running (the doobie brothers), hold on loosely (.38 special), sea breeze (tyrone wells), good riddance (green day), stand back (stevie nicks), go your own way (fleetwood mac), slide (the goo goo dolls), the loco-motion (grand funk railroad), fallin' and flyin' (jeff bridges)