ups, downs and sideways

She generally gave herself vary good advice (though she very seldom followed it) ~~ from Alice in Wonderland

I find myself a rather discontented and restless cat these past two to three weeks. Though I know on one hand what is supposed to happen and I have packed my parachute appropriately - there are still many things that are unknown. The exact "last day", the amount of work I'm expected to finish before the "drop dead" date, and well, what is to happen after that. Just now I looked at my corkboard and thought, "I have to take that down too and go through the accumulated bits and bobs."

The job search is dismal and everywhere I turn there are more and more people in the same situation. If I really allowed myself to dwell on it I would have a complete and total freakout. So, I plan and keep my head (well, maybe my nose) just enough above water to breathe. Tuesday night was my very last photography class and next Tuesday is the review. I will miss the atmosphere of people sharing their work and learning, stretching, growing. So much has changed in two years with a camera. And I can't imagine how I lived life before without it. Even now my fingers itch as I haven't shot anything of substance lately.

Going from living alone and alone-ness to being a part of a community and having a room mate. That is a radical change. Going home...awww hell, going home is difficult at best - especially with the memories. But..I will make the new memories and that is good.

In preparing to move, I'm overwhelmed but I have a month to get organized about it. A lot to discard and a lot to sort through. Do I really need dishes and china and even Christmas china? How many pairs of black pants can a girl really wear? Will I ever wear those brown polka dot shoes again? And what about my books?

But in counting my blessings - I'm ahead of the game. I have so many blessings, even in the midst of it all. I remind myself constantly of that fact. It keeps me sane actually.