February 6, 2009

50 million flowers

tulip love

So...yesterday was tough - probably the toughest in a while. But, as is it is - I put on my big girl panties and I will deal with it. That's a favorite saying in my family - we were taught that life, well, it's life - you either deal with it kick it's ass or it defeats you and kicks your ass. There is not much of that in between stuff. So after an evening of feeling sorry for myself, I'm getting back on track.

I've always a big music fan - going through times of my life marked by bits and pieces of music. I can remember vividly the first piece of vinyl purchased for me (and only me) was from my aunt when I quit biting my fingernails in the first great. To this day, when I hear "I told the Witchdoctor" I look at my thumbnails and smile. My sister got me this wonderful contraption for Christmas that lets my iPod be my alarm clock and I can listen to my choice of music when I wake up in the morning instead of asinine local DJs or the mind melting buzzer. It also has this wonderful sleep feature, much like a television so I can fall asleep to my "mellow" playlist. Oh technology.

There may be many of you that don't remember vinyl, but I do. My happy task every Saturday (after my chores - yes, we called them chores even though I didn't live on a farm) was to walk to Bellas Hess and graze through the 45's to find my purchase of the week. It cost 99 cents. I would pour over Tiger Beat magazine and have big daydreams of the teen flavor of the week sweeping me up into a kiss. I never really went more than a kiss. I didn't know much at 12 (as it should be).

I would come home and stack my vinyl - with the assistance of those yellow thingies placed carefully in the center - and plug in my gigantic headphones, open my carefully hoarded cinnamon candies and listen for hours. The same songs over and over. If I was lucky, a friend came over and we would perfect dance routines to our favorite song. We would pull out my mom's old albums and laugh at Elvis, Dion and her teen idols.

Occasionally, my mom would poke her head in and ask me not to sing out loud - hey, I never claimed I had a singing voice. Much like my youngest nephew begs me not to sing in the car when we drive. And....I think of those times as I hear his sweet voice singing. Time washes on and on and on. Children become us and eventually, I guess we become the children again. And we plant seeds of the future grown from the heirloom seeds of the past. And we make them strong and resilient. We give them love and allow them to be silly.

And I will deal with setbacks and triumphs, hopefully with a bit of grace mixed in with my cursing fate and railing (just a bit). And anger will abate and hope will come back (after I railed at her a bit last night too). And as someone important recently said, today is the day we dust ourselves off (again) and get to the business of rebuilding. And though I may have setbacks...I will keep on. And I will play the iPod and dance silly dances as I go.


  1. Your photographs are really fantastic...loved looking through them.
    Cathartic, no?

  2. You are so lucky to have an iPod. And music to fall asleep to. And wake up to!!

    Love your beautiful photos. They're so inspiring!

  3. char, this brings back such memories!! (are we dating ourselves?!) we used to play my mom and dad's old 45's from the 50's...and they did require those yellow thingys in the center! i had a favorite album of my own--Loony Tunes, with such favs as "ahab the arab", "itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini", "the streak", and yes, "the witchdoctor". good times, those! :)

    i, too, have what i call my "happy cd" (not in the ipod world just yet) full of oldies of the 60's & early 70's... how can one not smile when singing along to "kokomo" or "build me up, buttercup"!? keep on singin....

  4. i think sometimes rants are good, just so you can get it over with and move on to the next thing. and it is cheesy to say, but if you never felt bad or sad, you wouldn't even know what it meant to feel happy. hopefully more happy than sad, tho!

    and, sing it, sister! i bet you have a better singing voice than me.

  5. Char, I still have some of my albums from the late 60's, early 70's. Carpenters, Carole King, Don MacLean, etc. Now my 33-year-old son collects vinyl and has a huge collection. Did you know you can get new releases of some artists on vinyl? Springsteen is one.

    Anyhoo, sometimes I think it helps to feel a little sorry for yourself. Then it feels so much better after you give yourself a good, swift kick in the ass. I'm holding good thoughts for you, dear, and hope things turn around for you soon.

  6. Oh, I remember those yellow spindle adapters that you inserted in the 45s. My first 45 was "I think we're alone now", which is embarrassing, but I did follow it up with "White Rabbit."

    You know, Char, some days I am the poster child for a well-adapted adult and other days, I just live thru em without causing damage to myself or others. go figure.

    Your art rocks!

  7. I remember vinyl! And 8-tracks, too. And black and white tv, which we had for a while when I was little. I also remember 45s, because we were missing the yellow thingy to play them with, so I'd try it anyway and the record would go hula-hooping around the turn table. Yeah, it didn't quite work.

    I still love the sound of a needle being put onto a vinyl record. There's nothing like that scratchy sound, and I love the way the records and jackets actually smelled. I didn't care much for 8-tracks though. Even back then I thought they were lame and weird.

  8. You have the iHome don't you? If not, it too has these AWE-some features.
    I love the beauty of your photo..
    I remember vinyls! I remember going to the player/end table (it was like 800 pounds) and putting on Dean Martin and singing 'When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie....'

    Thanks for the memory...

  9. you can sing along in my car, any time..

    we used to have a blue and white plastic record player that took 6 size D batteries (no electricity in my home town)... so we had to ration the record listening.

    i don't remember having too many records, but my sister and i used to take it into the bathroom and sing our hearts out to ABBA while in the bath.

    my brothers, on the other hand, favoured a record that was all songs from "Davy Crockett" or something like that... and would come out of the tub singing "kilt him a bar, when he was only three"

    it's a while different kind of idolatry with boys, i think.

  10. whole... i meant whole, not while

  11. beautiful tulips and memories.

    i feel like i have not been to visit in so long. especially when i see how much you've posted since i was last here.

    i've been a busy bee trying to catch up here. :)

    glad to hear you are keeping on. we all benefit from that. keep bringing us your inspiring posts!

  12. I once read/heard "Life without music is death."

    Glad to see you had some good tunes to get you through a rough day.


i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.