February 1, 2009

in a word

[emerging, emerged]
1. to come into view out of something
2. to come out of a particular state of mind or way of existence
3. to come to the end of a particular event or situation
4. to become apparent, esp. as the result of a discussion or investigation
5. to come into existence over a long period of time

I feel as if I've floated on a sea of uncertainity and despair over the twelve tiny months of 2008. The Winter of 2008 was spent mourning my mother and the despair that loosing my anchor that has always moored me. I fought back long and hard from that despair and came through able to laugh again in the Summer. The Summer was good and filled with the halcyon days of glad relief that I could feel again...that is until the dark clouds of ecnomic downturn loomed large on my horizon.

Finally, the unthinkable happened and I found myself again without an anchor. Too often how I define myself was related to accomplishments and job. So now I've searched to define "Charlane" again without the labels of daughter and worker at {mid-size corporate banking firm that failed}.

Though cognitively I know my feet will land in the right spot...they always have. And I know moving more is not a step backward, but a step to the ones I love. And I know I will find a way to support myself. And...well, there are a lot of things I know.....still, the child within me stomps its foot and says, "but WHEN?"

This is the month I move. This is the time of my choosing. This is my emergence back into my own life. Under my own definitions. Under the steam of some assistance from the ones I love.



  1. BEAUTIFUL words and photos... ENJOY your emergence!

  2. New Growth, the shedding of old unwanted skin, and people, and so many other superfluous things rather than collecting them, I know this place well.
    May you find you peace from this emergence my friend.

  3. Thinking of you during this troubling time in your life. Wanted to tell you how beautiful this muted photograph is at the bottom. Lovely.

  4. Beautifully written and moving, love the photograph, how did you do this one, looks as if shot through glass?
    thanks for visiting

  5. Emerge - what a beautiful word. I think that is the perfect theme for your new beginnings.

  6. I am my own person here. We have a life, we have a home. But there are more than a few days a week when I think that moving back to where my family is would be the best thing in the world. For all of us.

  7. you can do this..very fitting word choice!blessings, ELK

  8. I'm so sorry that you had a rough year.
    But you sound very determined now to get back on track, good for you!
    I know this is lame, cheerlead-y and maybe not what you want to hear, but it always helped me when my Dad would remind me,
    "You can do ANYTHING if you try hard enough."

  9. Lovely musings as always, Char. You say what's almost always on my mind, too.

    And I just cannot get over how gorgeous your photography is. Not only are you extremely talented, but very prolific, too. I'm impressed and amazed by the sheer number of stunning photographs you produce, like this flowering tree here. Just incredible! I am so glad you are around to delight and surprise me :)

    And, if anything, this "downturn" has taught me to spend most of my waking life doing something I love and something that's creative, and not fall into another 15-year span of having a "day job" and then doing what "I really love" on the side. No more of that for me, if I can help it.

  10. you are on your way! i bet great things are coming your way!

    and you write so well and take such beautiful photographs. something good must come from that!!!!

  11. These photographs are lovely--I especially like the second one. The focus makes it look very dream-like and is reminiscent of fairy tales :)

  12. Great word for this month. Lovely photo too. I wish I wrote like you. =]

  13. emerge - I feel excited for you. Charlane I feel confident that you are going to do great things and this emergence is going to happen very soon for you just like the spring flowers bursting forth with beauty.

    wonderful photos

  14. In the words of T.S. Eliot, to make an end is to make a beginning. As one who has had many, many ends and many new beginnings in her short life, I understand your inner-child's temper tantrum. We HATE being in limbo! But I suppose the hang-time in the middle is a good time to do exactly what you're doing: redefining yourself and your hopes and your dreams. I'll be sending you lovely thoughts of peace, patience, confidence, and victory. : )

  15. So many of us go through life not really ever thinking too deeply about who we are. Then something comes along to toss us out of our safe nests. How much better to view it as a chance to emerge -- as a flower from a bud, as a butterfly from a chrysalis, as a bird from it's nest... And how wonderful to be able to say that "I made it" through such adversity.

    LOVE that last photo. Simply gorgeous!


  16. So right...don't label yourself...all things change. Pretty, pretty pics.

  17. How beautiful... I love the bokeh on the last shot...

  18. Your picture, always left me..... speechless :-) well done!

  19. I love your photos - that's what drew me here, but I am also enjoying your writings as well. Emerge is a great word. It speaks to me because it relates to my chosen word "visible". I can totally identify with the "WHEN?" question. I am working on being patient. I am reading 12 secrets of Highly Creative Women (a free blog book group particpating with a bunch of creative women) and we are on chapter 4 which focuses on this period of waiting as part of a cycle... a kind of fallow period when things are building underneath to propel us forward. That is reassuring. Hold on, stay positive and good things will come.


i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.