February 27, 2009

So..after plowing through two different drafts of blogs I might be ready to actually write coherent feelings. Suffice to say, I've been dealing with a lot of anger this week. Anger directed towards myself and to different thoughts, people and well, just lots of crap. What I've realized typing through it is that most of it is well beyond my control.

What I need to dwell upon, is the things that I can control. I'm advanced and self actualized enough to cognitively know this. The problem is my cognitive self does great samurai battles with my inner child who sits in the corner and rails, "whyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????" Some days the mature wins and some days the immature one wins. This week, the brat fought dirty and as a result, I was overflowing with a seething mass of red, bubbling carbuncles of pissyness.

But, half the battle is knowing the enemy...and as usual my biggest enemy is always myself. I believe Jung said most of the cast of characters in your dreams are you in varying roles. So, my anger is most likely the aspects of self I see in other situations and people. So, I'm working on that.

I will not allow past situations or disappointments to hold me back. I will continue to move forward the best possible way that I can. I will allow people to help me instead of pushing them away. I will not be afraid to start because I'm afraid of failing. Believe me - I know most of the last few sentences is the result of me trying to convince myself - not you. But, I like to talk to you guys like you're sitting beside me.

Currently, I'm drinking some decaf and having a piece of homemade shortbread...but if you came and sat beside me, I might would open some of that liquor I've been saving up. You can have your choice of whiskey, vodka or rum. I don't have many mixers but I'm sure if we do a couple of shots, we would not care any more. You would laugh at the number of times I say one of the two following phrases - "It's all good" or "there ya go." You could tell me your sad stories and then we would solve all the problems. Then we would just get silly and would raid my stash of twizzlers. Or Little Debbies - you know, the swiss rolls? Little pieces of chocolate heaven.

Thanks guys for being there and listening. Jammies are now definitely in order.


  1. Oh I love this one and I'd love to be sitting next to you right now downing some shots, getting into those Twizzlers and Little Debbies and talking through the worries of the world - or at least our own little worlds!

  2. when things get rough for me, my friends would say: kaya mo yan, sally, kaya mo yan...(you can get through it, sally, you can get through it).

    Well, char, kaya mo yan..

  3. sounds wonderful!
    let's get together - *yeah, yeah, yeah!*

  4. LOL I love that movie - the original, not the Lindsay Lohan ripoff.

  5. Not sure I'd do the shots,...but I'd bring my own bottle of wine,... and some chocolate fudge. Did you know they go great together? (Experience speaking) Anger is natural, understanding it and dealing with it is the tough part. Yes, more experience here too... I think we'd have a great conversation!

  6. C'mon over to Scotland and I'll make you some shortbread and give you plenty to drink. I'll even see if I can find a man in a kilt for you.

  7. woot - a man in a kilt!! *checks airlines*

  8. sure the power lies within us to change and be accepting and all that, but it would be nice if others stepped in line and made it easier.

    and now we tink shot glasses!

  9. Eating Twizzlers right there with you, sweet one! You are not alone!

  10. uh oh Char sounds like the party is at your place ;-)

    you are wonderful...yes ...you!

  11. Oh Char, no wonder we are photo buddies. You make me smile, cry, and say awwwww all too often. I am sending a big hug your way. xo

  12. I feel as if I'm already there sharing that drink! Just opened a new bottle of my current fave, Yukon Jack and fresh squeezed grapefruit juice. Don't be hatin' the drink.
    And I'm listening.
    You are so gut-wrenchingly honest.
    You hooked me here because of your photography. And now I find myself coming back not just for that, but to see how you're doing.
    I feel a though you're handling this whole life change with dignity and grace and I so appreciate your honesty about the festering anger. I feel it too, sometimes, with my own situation.

    It's just comforting somehow to know that somebody else gets this mad, too.

    I like the little Hotess cupcakes. You know, the chocolate ones with chocolate icing and that white curlyque going down the middle?

  13. I like the way you share your thoughts, it does feel as if we're sitting beside you... I get angry sometimes too - sometimes for good reason but most of the time over little things that just keep stacking up. But it always gets better - esp with homemade shortbread!

  14. "seething mass of red, bubbling carbuncles of pissyness" i hate to say it, but i think it may have been worth it just for that combination of words. love it!

  15. i'm coming for the shortbread...

    and the long afternoon/evening of drinks and girl talk and solving the world's problems and "there ya goes" and jammies.

    sounds good to me.


i feel as if each comment was between us as we sat and sipped something warm....i love to hear what you're thinking.