So..after plowing through two different drafts of blogs I might be ready to actually write coherent feelings. Suffice to say, I've been dealing with a lot of anger this week. Anger directed towards myself and to different thoughts, people and well, just lots of crap. What I've realized typing through it is that most of it is well beyond my control.
What I need to dwell upon, is the things that I can control. I'm advanced and self actualized enough to cognitively know this. The problem is my cognitive self does great samurai battles with my inner child who sits in the corner and rails, "whyyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????" Some days the mature wins and some days the immature one wins. This week, the brat fought dirty and as a result, I was overflowing with a seething mass of red, bubbling carbuncles of pissyness.
But, half the battle is knowing the enemy...and as usual my biggest enemy is always myself. I believe Jung said most of the cast of characters in your dreams are you in varying roles. So, my anger is most likely the aspects of self I see in other situations and people. So, I'm working on that.
I will not allow past situations or disappointments to hold me back. I will continue to move forward the best possible way that I can. I will allow people to help me instead of pushing them away. I will not be afraid to start because I'm afraid of failing. Believe me - I know most of the last few sentences is the result of me trying to convince myself - not you. But, I like to talk to you guys like you're sitting beside me.
Currently, I'm drinking some decaf and having a piece of homemade shortbread...but if you came and sat beside me, I might would open some of that liquor I've been saving up. You can have your choice of whiskey, vodka or rum. I don't have many mixers but I'm sure if we do a couple of shots, we would not care any more. You would laugh at the number of times I say one of the two following phrases - "It's all good" or "there ya go." You could tell me your sad stories and then we would solve all the problems. Then we would just get silly and would raid my stash of twizzlers. Or Little Debbies - you know, the swiss rolls? Little pieces of chocolate heaven.
Thanks guys for being there and listening. Jammies are now definitely in order.